I had posted this in the Sexuality/Romantic Orientation forum early and someone suggested I also post in here. A little about my story...I'm a 27 year old female, and growing up I never really questioned my sexuality, although looking back I don't know how i didn't. I think at most points in my life there was a girl friend of mine who I probably had quite a bit of a crush on, and my first kiss was one of my girl friends back in 3rd grade (while "practicing" how to kiss boys on eachother). It's not at all that I was against being gay or anything, I have a few gay members in my family and multiple friends throughout high school/college...somehow I just never realized I may be as well. I would even only ever watch girl/girl porn...and yet still never really questtioned my own identity. Just assumed all of this was common amongst heterosexual girls I guess. Anyways - just within the last few years I started to really understand that I am much more attracted to women than men. Three years ago I started doing online dating and went on a few dates with girls. I really enjoyed this and felt like I was truely being myself...none of these really turned into a relationship though. One girl and I would just be kind of hookup-buddies, and there was another girl who I really clicked with, however at the time unfortunately we both lived at home so didn't really have anywhere to go to be alone or hang out after dates. Then I very suddenly met a guy, and we really clicked (as with all my other previously relationships with guys) and we've been dating now for 2.5 years. I really have enjoyed all my relationships with men. I don't know if it's just that I really like the company of a man, or its that I just haven't been in a relationship with a woman yet to compare. Anyways - the relationship I'm in now I know won't last forever...our situation is a bit funny but we're both living abroad right now and when we return to the states we're going to different places...so we know it's going to end at that point. I just find myself very anxiously waiting for that so that I can, hopefully...and finally, legitamately date a girl. I've hinted before to my current partner that I'm bisexual, but I don't know if he understands that I truely want to be with a woman asap once we split. I don't know if this is something I should let him know...I don't want him to feel like I've been lying to him once it all comes out. Also - any advice for people who are new to LGBT community later in life? Somehow I feel like I'll almost be judged by some girls for not having realized this sooner...or having "lied" to myself for so long. Hopefull that's not the case... I also find myself very concerned with WHERE in the states I move to...I find myself googling "LGBT life" or "lesbian night life" in different cities to be sure wherever I end up there will be a decent sized community. Is that silly? haha Sorry this is so long! Any advice would be appreciated though
Hi fern I didn't come out to myself until I was 46, so I know what it's like to ask yourself why it took so long to figure something out that is so obvious in hindsight. I've accepted that I've done the best that I could have done given my upbringing and that I'll make the most of the years ahead. I've also enjoyed my heterosexual relationships. Once I started being with other guys, I felt even more sparks during sexual expression. So while I'm bi, I have a preference for guys. Once you start dating and feeling the fireworks, you'll be able to figure this out for yourself.
Thanks for the advice yeah - I'm hoping that once I start more officially dating girls I'll be able to sort this out...I'm just anxious to get to that point!
No one will judge you for not realizing sooner, and if they do, they are not worth your time. At 27, you still have your entire life ahead of you. Be true to yourself and enjoy it!
Hi there, Fern. I can totally relate to your story. I too realized that I was bisexual later in my life. I knew I liked boys but was infatuated with girls from a young age too. I was a very sheltered tho and raised as a JW. I didn't even know the word gay/lesbian/bi etc until I was in middle school! And even then it was more of a mystery for me then anything else. Unfortunately, for the longest time I thought there was something very wrong with me. I finally came out to my best friend at the time when I was 24 as bi. He was totally cool with it and I felt good about admitting to him, and more importantly, to myself that I was bi. But for whatever reason I only dated men and lusted secretly after women. I guess you could say that was my 'comfort zone'. I, unlike you, have never dated a woman though. I, just this year, finally came out to everyone in my world. I couldn't be happier about this! I live near a big-ish city and plan to join lgbt+ groups in the near future as I would really like to meet more people like me. Especially women like me. I would really want to kick myself if I never perused a relationship with a woman before I die. You never know how much time you have on this Earth! Anyway, like you, I wish I had come out to myself and other sooner. Now that everyone knows I feel like the possibilities are limitless! I'm happier than I ever thought possible by no longer living a lie and just being me. Our and PROUD! I hope you find someone that will help make your life complete. And I hope that no matter where you end up in the states that you are surrounded by positive, supportive and loving friends! All the very best to you!
thanks bibeauty28! It's nice to just know that other people are going through the same thing. when you finally started to come to realize that you were bi did you start to pick up on things throughout your whole life that were clear cut signs as well? I'm very curious about the lgbt groups...do they just meet like once a month at a local area or what? I'd love to get an update after you attend a few to see what your thoughts are
Hey all I was in my forties when I realized I was bi, and later still when I found out I was bigendered, the thing is the older you are the less peer pressure there is to conform. I know enough about life to work my life around my sexuality and gender rather than the other way round which you have to when you are younger because your personality is still being defined.
Hi Fern, I definitely picked up on events in my life after realizing I was bi. I looked back and finally understood my relationships with my girl friends (that were only friends) as a younger child. I felt deeply for a few in-particular. Also, I was always fascinated by women.. almost obsessed if you will. Looking back I wrote more poetry about women and drew the female form more than anything else. I knew I was attracted to men, and had my fair share of boyfriends but women brought out a passion in me from a young age. They still do. I won't be journeying to Orlando (an hour drive round trip) until I get a more reliable car. But I just joined a card/board game club and I'm pretty sure I met an older lady who may be bi or gay. If so I hope to talk about lgbt stuff with her and ask if there are any lgbt friendly placed in my town that I haven't seen or heard of. Basically I'm hoping she takes me under her wing as someone who is new and wanting to dive head first into the lgbt community. I will certainly keep you posted as I try to navigate through this exciting new world!
