Hi all, just wondering if others have experienced similar sentiments. I have posted quite a bit but not very much recently so some of you may not know me and vice versa. I started coming out about a year ago, told a handful of good friends. I had known for years that I was gay but was convinced that I could meet a girl who would make me happy but, after pursuing an unsuccessful long-term relationship with a woman and unexpectedly falling painfully hard for an apparently straight male friend, I realized I need to accept my sexuality and begin telling people. I have noticed that, as my feelings for said straight friend have waned, I have become disinterested in coming out of the closet. None of the close friends I have told live near me, so in my current city I am effectively and fully in the closet. I'm not dating women and I'm not actively pursuing any strategy that would suggest that I'm straight, but I avoid the subject of my love life. I'm not very happy in my current job or current city. There are few gay men my age to meet and I have tried and haven't found any that I 'click' with. Basically, I haven't perceived much benefit from coming out. I don't feel like I've discovered this gay world that I've been missing out on for so long. I am moving to a bigger (but not huge) city in the fall and am hoping these things will change, but as the move approaches, I'm worrying (only a little) that my coming out has stalled out. I guess I want to meet other gay guys that I can identify with, so as to increase my confidence and comfort. Of the friends I have told, everyone has been accepting but they know I've had trouble connecting with a gay community in my area, so my sexuality is just something I feel like no one wants to bring up or that it's just an added problem to my already-frustrating professional/personal situation. Anyone have similar experiences? I will state that currently I'm not unhappy with my life right now. I'm comfortable with where things are, but meeting the right guy for me is of utmost importance. It just doesn't seem to be happening where I live currently. Hope you are all well!
Hey Jnr, nice to hear from you after so long! One way to connect with the community is to get involved with it. I joined a gay choir, and volunteer in this city's only gay hotline. I honestly did not go into it for finding relationships, although that happened once, it was really based on a desire to contribute what I could to others like myself. It was also, first and foremost an excellent way to learn a whole lotta stuff that is nowhere written down. For now, focus on your move, and try to find out as much as you can about the LGBT scene in your new location. I wish you the best of luck!
I've stuck my pinky toe in the water just this week. I signed up for info on a glbt book club in my town through meet up. I'm not sure if I will go, but I'm trying to make a stride. I need to talk to my husband about going, but I also need a dose of courage. I suck at doing things by myself. I'm kind of a wallflower until I meet people.
Just want to wish you good luck and keep looking. As it is I'm still getting ready to come out to my family but am extremely worried about actually starting to meet any guys as I do not even know 1 gay guy in the 13 years I've lived where I do.
You wrote, "I'm not very happy in my current job or current city." If that is true, consider pulling up stakes and starting over somewhere else. The Internet is a valuable tool to finding that 'somewhere else' Google everything you can think of and check out all possibilities. This may not be the answer for you but you have nothing to loose by giving it a try.
I'm right there with you. I'm not 100% sure what exactly to do about it, but I'm right there with you.
