Nearly 18 months after falling for a colleague and accepting that I am gay I finally got the courage to come out to her; my first face to face coming out. I am so proud that I finally found the courage. After nearly a year on here reading of all the uplifting stories and people moving on and progressing and me feeling stuck with a husband 2 kids and the biggest crush ever and too terrified to make any sort of move. Now I need to find some more courage to tell my husband. I must admit I do like the feeling of being honest. I don't know what will happen with my crush but I've done what I needed to do. I had to let her know, for my own sanity. Now, who knows. But, I did it, and thank you to all my EC friends for keeping me going over the last year. Hopefully I can keep this momentum going.
I had rehearsed the talk so much beforehand it was unreal. She knew my marriage was on the rocks so I said I had only told her half the story and that I felt dishonest and a fraud with her. Then I said I've come to finally realise and accept that I should not be married..........to a guy. She seemed genuinely surprised but was very supportive and said all the right things about being an individual and not judging people. The first thing she asked was 'how did I come to realise?' I wanted to scream ' because of you' but it didn't feel right so I just said something happened and I promised to tell her one day..... I know she is gay so now it's upto her to do the same....... I never thought I would be one of the people coming on here saying they had told someone.....
That's amazing, Stella! Sooooo happy for you! It is do freeing isn't it - I've also found that the more and more ppl I tell and be honest with the happier I'm becoming. The weight starts to lift. You've set the wheels in motion and taking control now. I also never in a million years thought I'd be someone who would come on here and post that I'd told someone but I am! I started to come out gradually toward the end of last year and as of yesterday and courtesy of Facebook I am fully out to the world. And I can't tell you how freeing and uplifting that is!
It's hard to describe the feeling but I find myself smiling to myself then suddenly realise people are looking at me and wondering why I'm smiling...... It as if I've said 'this is me' and I'm happy with me so you should be too.
Good for you! Its so nice to finally tell someone isnt it? I had to chuckle to myself when you said about how who asked you how you came to realize and you wanted to scream " because of you" There is a woman I am friends with who would always flirt with me when she had been drinking. I was/am very attracted to her. She isn't my "trigger crush" but kind of helped bring my feelings toward women back after years of marriage. That all started about 6 years ago. When she asked me after I came out (last year) to her when did my feelings start I so much wanted to tell her it was when I met her but I just told her what had happened and about a woman who would flirt,etc. I just left out that it was her. lol. Whether she realizes it was her I don't know. She never seems to remember her flirting and actions the next day so I dont think she knows. Anyway, thats great you finally came out to this woman.
That is SO AWESOME, Stella! I so know the feeling of being terrified before you tell someone and then (if they are supportive and take it well) feeling totally and completely elated after you tell them. As of this month I am out to everyone in my life. I feel so free. I actually realize that I didn't like myself that much before coming out because I was keeping this huge secret and I felt in a way that I was shaming myself by not telling people. (Idk if that makes sense or not.) And now that my whole world knows the real me I have SO much self love! I feel like I have a new lease on life and that I can FINALLY be me and live my life the way I want to. I'm sure that as you tell more people you trust with your secret that you'll just become happier and happier. I wish you the very best! And again, Congratulations!
