Hey everyone - haven't been very active on here for a while but while I was trying to figure everything out this forum was like a lifeline and others' stories really helped me. So I wanted to share mine now that I feel I've just about come out (literally haha!) the other side... It was about 18mths ago that I seriously started questioning my sexuality, which started not long after my marriage was showing problems. The issues we had were unrelated but I'm sure that my then questioning didn't help. We had been together from when I was 18 till I was 35 and have four children. They are young and I had quit my career to be a stay home mum, so a year ago I was adamant to try and make my marriage work, get back into my career and do further training and then if things didn't work I'd be independent and able to support my kids. At this time though it was like I was on heat! I think I must've crushed on every woman I saw, the feelings once I recognised what they were and let them in were completely overwhelming and I had no idea how I'd get through another couple of years. It felt like my life had been taken over and I knew I wasn't giving 100% to my kids because of it. Through last year my now ex had suggested a couple of times we should split but I couldn't even imagine, despite my head being where it was! But by Aug /sept we had decided and after lots of talking over the following month he then moved out. We had lots of issues but I did tell him that I was attracted to women. He thought I was joking and then went completely shocked. Then he wanted to know what it was that attracted me to women and did I want to watch lesbian porn with him! He truly couldn't understand that it was and is the connection to a female that I wanted, not just the physical part. Over the next few days I got emails from him with suggestions for an open marriage, threesomes etc whereby he was forgetting we had already agreed to split due to other issues. He still thinks that the split is my fault due to me being a lesbian and nothing to do with anything else. So he's now been moved out for the last 7 months or so and has basically been a complete arse! We originally separated amicably and I never wanted to hurt him or do the wrong thing by him because I always maintained he was a good person and husband. However, you do see things very much more objectively when you are out of the situation and I can see clearly now that he definitely wasn't right for me, even if he was female! So.... the good bit! My kids have adapted amazingly! I'm so proud of them I really am. I think they're happier now and more settled because I am. I also met a woman towards the end of last year and we are utterly head over heels! I didn't intend to jump straight into another relationship but we had such an amazing connection and I was so ready to have a lesbian relationship that I just decided to go for it. And it was a good decision! We are the same age, have so much in common, the kids adore her and she them and we just dote on each other. It's amazing. I think what I have with her is what I've craved my whole life but not known it. Actually I know it is. Our relationship just feels so easy and I know we both feel that we are loved and cared for and adored by the other and that is an amazing feeling to have. I'm so so lucky to have found her and have the connection we have. I was certain that no woman would take on an inexperienced, questioning, recently separated mother of four! That being the case, I think there's hope for everybody lol!! So as of yesterday I am completely out to everyone thanks to Facebook! Most people have known since around Xmas time and I have gradually told more ppl through this year. But yesterday I bit the bullet and put it out there and have so far only had positive responses. In fact, I've only had good responses from anyone I've told, which has been great as it certainly hasn't been easy. So there's the story so far! Sorry it's a bit of a novel but I just felt I needed to put it out there and if it's of help to anyone great, but it's certainly been cathartic for me x
Thanks for sharing your nice story-it's so good to hear some good outcomes when someone comes out later in life and with a family. I'm trying to do the same but I'm getting more and more nervous by the day and so worried about how family will take it. Just so glad to hear something nice!!! Best of luck
This is a wonderful story, we need to hear how it gets better and I hope that you find peace soon enough with your ex! All the best!
There is definitely hope and sometimes that is all we have to cling to. I was just reading some of your previous posts and the thing that stood out for me was the guilt you're feeling. I've spent all of this year feeling it and trying to deal with it, even though my marriage was on the rocks before I even realised what my feelings meant. My ex doesn't help but I feel guilt over every solitary thing. And before he moved into his own place and I was able to begin to move on with my life, it was much worse. It's only recently that I'm feeling less burdened with it but despite how hard the last year has been emotionally, I'm so glad now that I pushed forward with the separation and did the hard yards because for the first time in years I feel content within myself and not living for tomorrow. Lots of hugs, but you will get there x ---------- Post added 29th May 2015 at 02:51 PM ---------- Thanks! I was so nervous too when I was going to come out. I kept thinking maybe I could emigrate so I wouldn't ever have to tell my dad lol! But you know what, he gave me the best and most encouraging response of all. I truly couldn't predict with any of my family and some friends, what their reaction would be and I never seemed to find the right moment to tell. I'd be shaking and felt like the biggest chicken ever! But the more you tell the easier it gets! And best of all, the worst reaction I've had was silence and then oh right well that's nothing these days. That was from my aunt in her 70s, who later in the day text me with her full support. Everyone had just said if you're happy then we are and it feels amazing! And my older kids, 11 and 7 yrs didn't even blink an eye!
Thanks for the kind words and support. Everything was such a blur when I came out to friend at work and now at the point where I'm excited to finally get this off my chest and at the same time totally dreading telling wife and kids and then waiting to tell everyone else-God what a mess this is going to be. Just want to be happy and open to myself at this point after wasting so much of my life already by not be honest to myself!!!
Mocha; What a fantastic result. I think maybe your husband is being difficult as it must be hard to hear that the person you have children with is not into men. It is almost like being cheated on except that even when he forgives you he can't ever get you back. That would be difficult. However the fact that you are now living true to yourself is really important, also you still have so much time to enjoy the beautiful woman you have met which is important too. Han: I think your kids will be fine, lgbti is in the education system these days as is acceptance of it. As for your wife that is more difficult, although I question why you want to tell her if you are bisexual since this does not mean you need to divorce her, perhaps you can't have threesomes with her and another man. I think the hard part is not knowing the reaction but if someone truly loves you they will accept you no matter what your sexuality is. Good luck!
Thank you so much for sharing. I'm about the same age as you and have kids also. My big fear is ending up alone when all this is over. I'm glad things worked out so well for you. It gives me hope.
Mocha -glad to hear your happy ending. Gives hope to us still on the journey, . -can I ask how you met your current partner? Trying not to be blinkered into depending on my crush being 'the one'.
Hi Stella, we met online! Never thought I'd say that! Not for dates but I was looking to find some friends or groups locally so I could get out and about and meet ppl etc. Anyway we were chatting online and hit it off instantly, had so much in common and on same wave length. So few weeks later we met up and tbe chemistry was amazing! I had a trigger crush who I don't even see these days but tbh as soon as my gf and I met up I didn't even look at my crush anymore. The real thing is by far superior, in part I think because of reciprocated feelings. Hoping things work out for you though xx
