My ex GF recently discovered that I am a "practicing" homosexual. We've been separated for about a year and dated for 6, but she discovered that I am attending a gay bar with a friend and was (unintentionally) public about it. Although we've been in close contact since the breakup, I omitted this part of my life as I know it would upset her but the cat is out of the bag. She's distraught and has sent me a few messages referencing God's plans for my life, concerns over choosing this "lifestyle", and how much she cares for me and it tears her up that I'm so public. She also has been dealing with my homosexuality alone and says she can't talk to anyone. I still really, really care for her, and it upsets me that she feels she's alone in this. I feel alone on my end as well and I don't want her to feel the same. While I'm upset, frustrated, and hurt that she still believes that my honesty and authenticity has no merit, I do want to find a way that she can at least express that with others. I know we were never married, but is there advice or a resource that any other Later In Lifers have used to help your spouse through this time, preferably something for people with a religious background? She's concerned that things like PFLAG are "worldly" and only focused on acceptance, so I feel she'll be more receptive to someone or a group that is more Christian focused.
There is an awesome national network called straight spouse network. They are online, private, etc. check it out on the web.
This is a really good group. It's helped my husband through some dark times. You don't have to have been married to join either. She'll meet people from all walks of life, including other Christians. It may make her realize she dodged a bullet...
Thank you both for the suggestion. I had a talk with her yesterday and she is completely adamant about not seeking out any people or resources that would in any way be affirming. I'm still going to pass this on to her and hope she uses it to find someone to talk to, even if they reinforce her beliefs. I still care and even though she finds my "choices" to be detestable, I still want her to be okay.
I'm sorry she isn't being accepting. I think there is a difference between acknowledgement and affirming. She seems to be under the false belief that you can control your sexuality. I believe that (if there is a G-d), G-d doesn't create/embue people with a characteristic that doesn't hurt anyone else with the intention of having that cause shame, hurt, pain, etc. Being gay and engaging in consensual sex doesn't hurt anyone. Why would a loving G-d create you with that desire and yet demand that you not engage in it. Also, I believe that religions often are against LGBT people because they find the sex acts repugnant. They choose to ignore many other commandment and proclamations that work to their advantage (like wearing clothes of mixed types of fibers) but insist on condemning LGBT folks.
