I have come to a realization today after my latest session with my kids: I may never have the type of close bond with them that they have with their mother. I think my expectations and desires to have a similar close bond may probably have been set too high by myself. That's not to say that they do not love me, for that they do; I know that. But the best I can hope for is that we all come to a genuine understanding of each other, and that helps mend things. As they have continue to grow up, the distance that I placed between myself and them as I was in the closet created a massive gulf between us. At the same time, my own internal anger over all those years was seen by them through my short temper and hot fuse (never physical to be clear). I was not able to be honest with myself, so how would I ever have managed to allow them to see my true self? At the same time, I was not a happy person, and it was apparent to them. This is the work we need to complete - getting to know each other, showing them my soft side, them seeing how happy I now am, and building their trust. I am confident we will be able get closer, as we all get to know each other better, but I sense there may always be a divide between us; but I hope for the best. At least we are all taking baby steps with each other. In the next few weeks, they have agreed for all of us to spend the entire day together. This is a big step, as we have not really spent much more than a meal together or a movie at the longest (although I did take them to see their grandfather for a few days last year which felt as if we all had a baby sitter watching over us). And the journey continues...... ---------- Post added 30th May 2015 at 05:24 PM ---------- Come to think of it, I will need to discuss this with them when we are next together.
I recently saw a post on social media that describes how children interact with their fathers over time. I cannot find it now, but the gist is that your children will appreciate you more as they get older. So you are right - take baby steps and things will get better with time.
Found the post I was referencing - http://www.facebook.com/fatherhoodgov/photos/a.229113133872407.49445.208570042593383/555548177895566
Dude! You are a guy the father bond is not and never could be the mother bond. Relax. Plus... Your kids are in transitional teens and you will not be on their radar till age 25.
Think back... As a teen you dodged parental radar. Best way to do that is being off rhe grid. Talk about stealth fighter...
Good point. Also worth thinking about: past gender, you are a different person than their mother. Different people, different relationships. Another thought: it probably takes time to fix a relationship.
Truth. I didn't start appreciating my parents until I left college and started to do things on my own. It just takes time for your kids to continue growing up and revisit your relationship not as children but as adults.
Got to agree with the others. My son is in his 30s now and we are very close. Couldn't imagine this type of bond when he was a teenager. Just got to love them and be patient. Not always easy, I know.
