I am married with a child who is about to turn 1 years old. I have always known I like girls, I dated girls, I would get the hots for girls constantly. I would hide my feeling for girls all the time, I got used to hiding it. Then recently it seemed to get worse and worse the more I hide it the more I think about it. I find myself questioning everything. I love my husband, but I think I love girls differently. I have been torn between these two parts of me. I have never questioned my sexuality like this before I mean I liked girls but it was more expected of me to date guys and I did. I don't know what to do these feelings keep getting stronger and are no longer ignorable I keep pondering in my head what the best decision is, leave, stay, ignore them. I never imagined this to be this difficult, I have never been ashamed or had to hide who I am. Everyone expects me to be this person that I do not think I am. I have every reason to be happy married with a son and a great family from his side, but the thoughts never leave. I feel like i should have known this answer before now, how can i get married and have a child and not know this part of me. How could I go so long and not notice this. I talked to one person about this that is a friend he ended blocking me on facebook, which makes me feel more like I should keep this to myself. How do you tell someone that loves you and you had a child with that your not into guys. How can you not be into guys if you married a guy and had a baby with him.? This questions circle my mind constantly I feel so lost and confused, I dont know who I am anymore.
Hi! Welcome to EC. Like you, I'm married, and I have 2 kids. I have a great marriage, but I also struggle with attraction to women, one friend in particular. I'm not planning on leaving my husband, but I am also at least a bit in love with my best friend. I'm not cheating on him, and I very much do not want to cheat on him. I'm kind of in a confused place right now too. I'm sorry that really isn't helpful. Post back questions here, or when you get to 10 posts you can write on my wall.
No reading your post was helpful, it is nice to know that I am not alone. I feel completely crazy for even feeling these feelings because I am married and have a son. I should have known sooner. I am trying really hard to figure things out but most of the time I spend ignoring it hoping that eventually I will just have an answer or just forget about it. It is so confusing because going on with my day like nothing is wrong is harder then it looks.
Don't feel bad about not knowing till now. It took me till I was 34, married and with four sons before I reconciled what it was I was feeling! It's certainly not too late for you x
I totally feel you! I got back Monday late from a girls' weekend with my best friend and another close friend (who knew sort of my story-she's the only person I've come out to who didn't know in high school that my best friend and I were intimate). It was great fun, and it was lovely and sweet to be with my best friend. We both have feelings for the other, and our lives are completely incompatible. It is such a good thing we live far away from each other. Will power and masochism only go so far. It's weird to finally be able to admit to myself and all you fine people that I'm in love with two people at the same time. This is not something I would have ever pictured for myself. I put more details on my blog if anyone is interested.
I know it is not to late, for me but at the same time. I am scared of change like most people probably are, how do you decide to take the first step that will alter your entire life. Some maybe okay with this others not so much and I get the whole forget the haters thing, but what am I supposed to say to my husband and how do I explain this to my son. I am already stressing about this and I have not even begun with what my husbands family would think. I have so many friends and family that love me but would they still love me if I was not the me they know me as.
I am in the same boat, but possibly a little further along than you. I was married, but now going through a divorce. Not just because I cannot lie to myself or my ex anymore, but for lots of other reasons that I will not go into here. I guess I stuck at my marriage for so long for fear of change and upsetting other people. As for the decision that will alter your life ... well for me, I can not physically and emotionally keep it inside anymore. I have not told my family, and if I am honest, I dont think I will. I am 41 afterall!! :lol: I may change my mind if I find the love of my life and it is a woman. For now, just my therapist and best friend know. That was scary enough! Sorry I am not much help here. It is such a personal decision and only you will know when and how when the time is right for you.
Butterflygirl- You're not alone! I'm another in a similar situation, asking myself the same questions. I don't have any answers either, but can be supportive. Hang in there!
