Told a guy I had feelings for him, now feel like an idiot.

Its great that you had the courage to say something to him, because you will need that courage time and time again until you connect with the one that reciprocates. Does it hurt? Of course. But rather than be discouraged, use it as momentum to try again.

Great job in being proactive!

 

I really wouldn't assume so much negativity from what happened Damien.

Many younger men (myself for example), like older men and age gaps aren't a thing of consideration. You may well just have caught him by surprise and he may have to consider his feelings more. Equally he may just like you as a friend, but that may be for reasons other than your age. I really wouldn't focus on being in your 40's so much.

If you like younger men it's good to know that as you age, for every younger guy who would no longer be interested due to your age, another younger guy finds people from that age sexy. (I personally don't date anyone under the age of 40 and to be honest I normally date men in their 50's and 60's and that's been true for me since I was a teen)


I have read these forums quite abit and I sometimes get the general impression that many people feel like they squandered parts of their life. I honestly cant comment on that, as I've never lived that life, but it isn't true that your age renders you unattractive or harder to love. Their are men from every age group that find men from every other age group massively sexy.

If it helps at all, most people find confidence in oneself and being at peace with ones self massively sexy and the sexiest older men, are those who embrace their age as a positive thing and not try desperately to appear younger than they are.

(don't get me wrong, the gay world is massively ageist and many people are arses about age, but ultimately you wouldn't want to date those people anyway; so their bigotry just saves you from wasting time)

 

You did not make a fool of your self. You were simply honest about what you were feeling, and so was he. Sure, it hurts when you are attracted to someone and the attraction is not mutual, but think of yourself on the other side of the fence, if someone were attracted to you but you did not feel the same way about him, you would not want to mislead him by pretending something you did not feel and string him along. It is just the way attraction works. It may not have anything to do with your age, or it may have everything to do with it; "why" doesn't really matter, only that the "zing" isn't there for one of you. But, you still have found a friend you can be comfortable talking openly with about yourself, and that is not the easiest thing to do, so enjoy your friendship, and be proud that you were self-confident enough to take the initiative to address another man openly, and that he was flattered instead of annoyed by your attraction to him. Next time it might be the "right one". Keep trying until you find him.

 

Damien, please follow these simple instructions:

Raise your right hand (or left if you are left-handed), swing it over to your left side and pat yourself on your left shoulder. Then say to yourself: well-done, well-done!

You took a chance, you displayed vulnerability, it didn't work out. It doesn't matter, you displayed courage. Be proud, and don't ever let this stop you from doing it again.

 

Dear Damien,
How wonderful, lovely and brave of you to share your feelings with your friend. You are on a journey to being yourself, and this is a step in that direction. Also, I would not take his response as anything more than a response. We sometimes need time to process something we had not considered. Continue to be a friend. At the very least, you both need that. If it turns out to be more- you will both know it. Cheers!

 

This gave me a chuckle. :lol:

@Damien: It's okay. This happens all the time. There's no need to be upset. You must've experienced this at some point when dating women. Rejection is the risk of the reward of a relationship.