There is a guy I come into contact quite often, and at this late stage in the game I guess I could say I have a 'crush' on him. He is quite handsome, but a little younger than me. The first time I noticed him was because it seemed like he was making eye contact with me, and one time when we were doing something else he asked me a few questions about myself. The past few months I have thought about him a lot. I would like to have the encounter go further. I make eye contact with him every time I see him. Sometimes he returns it, other times he ignores it. I wish he would ask me more about myself, so I could ask him if he would like to go do something--a hike or something. I also have a idea of him asking me somewhere. Im a little intimidated by the issue because he is younger than me. The other day I saw him while I was riding a bike. I did my best to look ...whatever..and gave him a little bit of a yearning look. Im probably deluding myself, but Im enjoying this. I had a casual encounter when I was much younger. That was the last time. Im thinking of trying it again.
Eye contact can only go so far in communication. That's why we have mouths. Start talking to him, and try to think of it as making a new friendship if you're too nervous.
Traditionally, one of the distinguishing characteristics of being gay has been a keen eye for detail and subtlety. This works well, again in the traditional "gay" trades of fashion and art, for example. But it was also a necessity when it came to finding others like ourselves. Eye contact is one of the best "tells" a person has when showing interest (and is a good way to find out if a person is gay, observing who and what they look at). As Resu said, go to the next step, introduce yourself, smile and listen twice as much as you talk...you'd be surprised what can happen!
Sound advice. If I may add timidity is not a attractive characteristic. Going and initiating the conversation always get's big points in my book. Even if the encounter is short. It gives both of you an opening the next time you see each other. You're not asking him to the prom, so don't be nervous. Good luck.
For heaven sakes, just go ask him if he would like to go out for lunch, or go for a bike ride, or to some sports game, or out for a drink. Take the initiative, don't wait for him to. The worst that can happen is that he says he is busy, but if there is any interest there, you have made it easy for him to go along with it.
I guess I am a little wierded out by it all. several reasons: I live in a small place where everybody knows everybody. My secret might come out. He is younger than me. It will be obvious what I am after if I start chatting him up. Im not even sure if this is a real thing with me or just a fantasy. I had a summer fling a real long time ago, then only women. I have no reason to believe he is gay. Although I never see him with a girl, I never see him with a guy either. He is maybe a bit of a loner(?) But then so am I. The problem is not that I am shy. My job is basiaclly talking to total strangers all day.
Go talk to him, try to make a friend, don't think about sex. The way to beat shyness is to force yourself to interact with people enough to find that common ground you feel 'safe' in. Screw the age difference, you're not even out so unless you shit glitter nobody will suspect anything other than you trying to make a friend. It's much easier to find out if he's interested (or even gay in the first place) if you talk to him. Nail On Head
I say go for it and start a conversation with him-see if he's interested or even gay. Hope it goes well
I see you are not practicing either. This is a new thing for me, and so far I only do it on a forum. A couple times I actually approached a guy, but they either misread my body language or were not interested. Two times guys hit on me, and I freaked out and ran away. Im not sure--when the right person comes along at the right time, hopefully Ill give it a try. I have nothing to lose. I am not in a relationship with a woman, so Im not 'cheating'. And the women Ive been with, I never told them about my one gay fling. I dont know...just thinking online I guess.
Trust me I wish I was practicing, never been with a guy but it's all I've been thinking about lately. I'm contemplating telling my wife tomorrow if I don't chicken out since I'm tired of hiding real feelings for my whole life. If you think he might be the right person(which it really sounds like you do) just go for it and make me proud and hopeful
MAybe just try it first. Im definatley no expert, but if you try it on the side, and find that it was just fantasy stuff, you might , well probably will, do harm to your relationship. This might reALLY HURT YOUR WIFE. (accidently hit cap lock here) oN THE OTHER HAND, IF YOU GO ON A COUPLE DATES WITH A GUY, SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT, AND THEN THAT IS THE END OF IT, SHE'LL NEVER KNOW. iT CAN BE YOUR SECRET. aNYWAY, iM CERTAINLY NO expert on relationships, thats for sure. ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2015 at 08:30 PM ---------- I was with a guy one time. It was a summer fling when I was young. It may have just been experimenting? I think about it all the time right now. And I think of a relationship with a guy all the time. But I dont tell anyone. Not that there is anything wrong with that, its just I dont tell anyone. I dont think you should tell your wife. I mean you havent even done it yet! It will definatley hurt her. Some dudes have several gay relationships without evr telling anyone. Ive only told people on this forum, actually. We did it all summer. He went to the Military, I went to college. I never heard from him again.
I would tell her before you have sex with someone else. Cheating is a bad idea if you can at all avoid it. I really do understand the temptation of wanting to be sure, but if/when she finds out you cheated, it's going to be way worse.
I feel this is an area where there is no absolute right or wrong answer, where each individual must do what's right for them and their situation. I never acted on my attraction to other guys until after I was married. My sexual experiences have given me the clarity of knowing who I truly am and the certainty required to navigate the difficult journey of coming out at 51. For me at least, I was not in a position to start down this path otherwise, that is, I don't feel that my spouse would be receptive to the message I have attraction to other guys, would it be OK for me to explore? and I wasn't prepared to risk my marriage without confirmation of my attraction to other guys.
This has been my thinking as well. I just don't think I can destroy my marriage without knowing for sure. There are the pains of doubt as to whether I am gay. If I am bi (I am not straight...I know that), I feel I could keep it under wraps. I wish I had done this sooner but here I am. I understand what bi2me says and I can see how telling one's spouse can be helpful (I have enjoyed reading your posts!). However, it really depends on the spouse. Maybe this is a weak excuse but there is a greater stigma around bi men than bi women.
There are greater stigmas around male sexuality deviating from "the norm" than for women, in general. Lesbians and bi women are overall more accepted than gay men and bi men. I sympathize with those who "want to be sure" before revealing this to your wife, but I see no way of doing this without the deception of cheating. If you tell her ahead of time you risk the relationship without really being confident. If you go ahead and do it, find out you're gay, and decide to come clean, the infidelity tends to make things worse. It's a tough decision; I know my ex would've been 100% against me doing anything to "make sure" ... even an innocent, platonic coffee date would've been sacrilege.
I hear you brother, and we need to make the most of the time we have remaining. I identify as bisexual with a stronger attraction to other guys. Whether I'm bi or gay doesn't materially impact my plan, this is something I'll figure out over time. One can certainly be a closeted bi-married guy and find like-minded married men. I did this for nearly 5 years; however, there came a point where I realized that I wanted more than a FWB. There are no right or wrong answers here. You must do what's right for your situation. Best of luck to you on this journey.
I didn't want to cheat on her knowing that would make whole coming out even worse than it was. Came out to wife Wednesday and these have been the toughest 2 days of my life. Just keep wishing I acted on feelings/attractions to guys a long time ago but then we would have never had our 2 great children who are my whole life!! It's been going back and forth these 2 days but just a bit better than I thought-was expecting a disaster! But main thing she kept saying is it would have been much worse/different if I did cheat on her which I understand
Congratulations on this big milestone hanshotfirst ride: I'm working with my support network to plan coming out to my wife and son in the other scenario where I've been acting while married.
Im the original poster. The situation has escalated in the last three days. he is making obvious eye contact with me, and it is done in an inviting way. The problem is not that I am shy, it is that when I see him he is at work and not available to talk to. I wouuld have to yell across a busy office and say "hey you! Come over here!" I saw him a in a shop last night, and quickly grabbed something off the shelf so I could go get in line behind him and say hi, but by the time I got there he was gone. Anyway, Im working on this...its just a matter of catching him in a position where I can say hello. We have had enough contact that I can approach him and start talking, and he can take it any way he wants: anything from overt flirting to a friendly gesture. Im planning in my mind to ask him out for coffee. I noticed since the eye contact got more serious, I have started dressing sharper.
