-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am in my mid 50-s (blessed with great physique and looks for my age, but whatever). I married at age 31 to a very nice girl. We've had two great kids but have grown apart. I visited sex shops a few times in my 20's and when I was about 26 a guy gave me oral for the first time. About once a year I received oral from a guy until I was married and had a gay few fantasies as well. Shorty after I was married a guy I kind of knew from college moved in next door. We ended up making out once and I found it very enjoyable. That really started my gay longings. I had a couple of gay encounters during my 30's but in my mid/late 40's I really began questioning my orientation. While still married I sought out trysts on Craigslist (safe sex) and at one point my wife found out and went ballistic. I had some sex therapy/counselling and have told her off and on that I'm NOT GAY. I'm a very together person but find myself increasingly anxious over my sexuality. I've obsessed recently over the online "Am I Gay" tests- both the amateur and the professional versions- and I come out with medium-high to high gay scores. My wife and I have sex once a week and I enjoy it; I masturbate almost daily to gay or lesbian porn/fantasies. I long to find a guy to make a permanent sexual and emotional bond with. I'm terrified of shirking my responsibilities to my family but am still able to function as husband and father. She knows that I'm struggling and I'm still quite unhappy. She's jealous because I make friends easily and knows that if we end our marriage I'll land on my feet. My 22 year old daughter is on her way to a great life; my 20 year old son struggles and may himself be gay (so shy). What to do?
Kids have lest the nest, you wife already knows your unhappy and struggling, you comfortable you will land on your feet, your only real concern is for your wife. Have you thought that she probably deserves living an open and candidate life herself. Staying with you under these circumstances actually hurts her ability to do so. Clearly she is still choosing to do so, but sometimes a push is what is needed; and in this case, your the one in control of that. Not sure of your financial situation, but if your comfortable that you can continue to support her (or that she is independent and self sufficient), it would seem you owe it to both yourself and to her to continue to explore your own identity, and if need be, begin to lead your own life as you genuinely are. But in the first instance, you probably need to come to resolution on your own sexuality. Whether it be bi, gay, etc.
not only will you never be happy until you accept and embrace your true sexual identity, your wife will never be happy until you get honest with yourself, and ultimately with her. you're not doing her a favor by prolonging this situation. i know it's hard, because I've lived it myself. choose the hard path that will lead to happiness for all, or the easy path of prolonged misery. good luck!
One thing you should do is to sit down with your son and talk to him about the possibility of his being gay, and that you are 100% ok with him being whoever he was born to be, so if he feels like he needs to talk to you about anything along those lines, you love him unconditionally no matter what his sexual orientation might be. Since there is some hereditary correlation about being gay, you also need to think about telling him about your own sexual orientation at some point, without going into all the details.
Yossarian, Is there a hereditary correlation? Has it been documented somehow? Forgive my ignorance, I've wondered about this but never knew for sure.
