My first post. I'm glad I have a place to share my thoughts - thank you. I'm separated from my third wife. I've known since early in my first marriage that I was attracted more to men than women. I had many encounters with men during my marriages (yes cheating on the wife). But I now realize that another big mistake of mine was not taking the time between marriages to find and accept the real me. I was always too much in a rush to move onto the next relationship with a woman. I think that's because that was expected of me, and to keep my image clean. But each time I moved into a new relationship with a woman, I regretted not taking the time to spend with men. Real time, not the quick encounters that I had. This time, I want to do it different. I want to take the time, explore myself, and see who the real me is. I accept that I am bisexual; though I wonder if I'm really bisexual or if I'm gay and the attraction to women was again, what was expected of me. Part of me is a little scared, because I'm thinking that to move into more interactions with men, then I will move away from what had been my existance; a married man who "acts" like a good husband. Maybe I'm just scared to move away from my "comfort zone". I know that people can get comfortable in situations that they really don't want to be in. But this time, I want to actually use my new "freedom" to explore and see what and how I feel when I spend time around other bisexuals/gay without having to hide. I feel that's a good slow start to finally coming out. I'll stop this post now before I ramble too much. In summary; I'm ready to use my free time to find the real me, but I'll admit, I'm scared. But the fear won't stop me. I have a strong urge to let others know the real me. I need that. Thanks
Welcome to the forum. You're not alone, many have been / are in the same boat. Take your time and re-discover who & what you are.
Welcome to EC jojam :smilewave You will find that EC is a supportive environment to explore the questions you raise. You are doing the right thing taking a pause to reevaluate. I'm also trying to find the real me - see http://emptyclosets.com/forum/lgbt-later-life/179461-finding-my-true-self.html I'm in a similar place in regards to finding the right identification. For now I identify as bisexual with a strong same-sex preference. My next relationship will most likely be with another man. Given that I've enjoyed straight sex, I'm not ready to identify as gay, though I may one day. The label doesn't matter, what's more important now is to confront my feelings. Again welcome to EC where you will find others asking similar questions.
Excellent post! You are aware of your denial. You are aware of societal illusions and its demand to conform to the illusions (delusions). And you are open minded to explore your reality. BRAVO! Now... Be aware there are illusions, delusions, stereotypes and compliance demands on this side of the fence too. Plus societal oppression. So finding "you" is the best idea rather than looking for a "norm".
Hey Jojam, welcome to EC! It is a good thing to take a break and realize just how automatic our lives can become. You came to the right place, there are many here like you, myself included, who needed some crisis to confront the scary truth about ourselves. Consider this fear a good thing, it means you are doing the right thing.
Congratulations on working to find yourself! I think many of us are going through that, or are coming out the other side. I have found EC to be very supportive. I'm married with two kids. I've realized in the last year that I'm not only in love with my husband and our family, but also with my best (female) friend from high school. He knows that I have feelings for her, but isn't ok with me having sex with her. I was away with her last weekend, and I was able to speak with her about everything and came to realize that she feels similarly towards me. We chose the right path for us, which was not cheating, but the temptation was there, which was a little scary. So I'm trying to figure out what to do with all these feelings I can't control while living my normal life. Good luck to you!
I commented the other day that I am on a Journey to finding out whom I am. It resonated with the person I was speaking to. I think for many of us on EC, that is the case. Everyone takes a different path on the journey, but in the end, we are all trying to get to the same place - figuring out whom we really are. Good Luck!
