Road Map

Hi Butterflygirl19,

I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time in your life. Unfortunately, I can't tell you that I've been there or even understand completely. I knew I liked both genders from a very young age.

Nevertheless, I would like to attempted to give you a piece of advice. Have you ever thought of seeing a therapist? Yes, I know seeing one might make you feel as if you're tipping your hand.. and you would have to come up with an answer as to why you want to seek help to your husband. He will obviously ask. But you can choose to be as honest or vague as you want.

I would also like to say that you're not being selfish by asking these questions about yourself and feeling these feelings. You should get to know yourself better so that when your son gets older he can know the true you.

I would recommend you take this time to become the best person you can be. So that you can be the best mommy you can be. That means you'll likely have to do a lot of soul searching. This can send you through a roller coaster ride or emotions but trust me when I tell you that it can also be very liberating and enlightening too.

If you're not comfortable with a therapist then perhaps you can confide in a good friend that you trust. Or get a notepad and start writing. You'd be amazed at what you can solve for yourself when you sit down and just start writing.

The reason I suggest that you find a therapist or a good friend to talk to though is because I remember soul searching and grappling with all the questions I had in my mind.. well, I was really tough going through all that alone. I feel like I would have made quicker progress had I confided in someone. And I certainly wouldn't have thought I was a monster if I had someone to reassure me that I wasn't.

I hope this helps. And if it does I would encourage you to keep posting on EC. The people here are so wise, nonjudgmental and willing to help in anyway that they can.

All the best of luck to you. (*hug*)

 

I think sometimes it takes a purposeful dismantling of our perceptions of ourselves and society to fill the spaces back in with what is right and true in our lives. I spent parts of the last year feeling torn apart as assumptions I had about what I wanted or needed in my life fell away.

For me, I've ended up with a new appreciation for my husband and family life, but also a longing for a person I don't know how I can honorably include in my life the way I feel I want to.

 

We all go through this search. A good friend or therapist will make the journey easier. Good luck.

 

Well, in the past, religion was there to tell you how to live a good life. This is no longer the case, and for most of us, I would not advocate religion as a reliable or infallible way to live.

However, if you have a philosophy of life, if you have in advance worked out what your values are, what you yourself think is right, and if you undertake this adventure with some companions, you are quite likely to find your way.

This is, in part, what EC is for: guidance on how to live a good life within a community of peers, people like you who are also working out what it means to live a good life and not to waste it.

 

I hear you on the missing a big part of you for so many years hun. i didn't come out to myself untill april '14. and to my son and parents this past winter. as for the past, we cannot change that we can only work out what we want, where we want to go and move towards that as best we can. this will be different for each of us of course, my marriage broke up before i came out, or maybe i came out because my marriage broke up (the lifting of all that stress, etc.) don't beat yourself up over the past, just do what you know is right for you, at the end of the day our kids will be grown and it is ourselves that we truely have to live with.(&&&)

BTW, if you find that atlas can i have a copy? haha