Well here goes-I came out to a Lesbian friend at work back in March and we both thought I shouldn't tell my family until we all got back from scheduled cruise this past Sunday. I've been married for 22 years with a daughter in college and a son who is just finishing his Sophomore year in high school. I've been hiding my gay feelings for my entire life and it has been gnawing at my soul for last couple of years. Was waiting for first day when both kids wouldn't be in the house and that day came on Wednesday. I didn't sleep at all the night before and was working up the courage all morning. Finally told her to sit down I had something to tell her. Rest was a huge blur as I was stammering and having trouble getting any words out in the beginning. I knew it was going to be rough and hard on us both, especially her but it was so exhausting and I felt like the biggest friggin asshole in the world seeing her crying and breaking down. It's been back and forth for last couple of days with so many ups and downs but she took it so much better than I pictured it going. My daughter then found out which was rough but she was great with it so far. We both are dreading telling our son as he uses many homophobic slurs lately(hopefully just trying to act cool with his friends or just his age and how he deals with it-we've always tried to tell both our kids to be open to all different things and people). My wife does not think he will take this good at all and we're now contemplating waiting to tell him until after next week when Father's day is over-being taken with him and friends to a Yankee game vs Tigers. Don't know how to end this because it's only the start of a long new life for us all. Thanks for bearing with me-I normally hate these long threads
I am sure you feel a huge burden off your shoulders, but no doubt your now on quite a journey. Wishing you the best on your journey!
The "first and worst" is over for you. Hopefully your son will take the news like most kids do these days, instead of playing to his worst friends' habits. Regardless of the personal aspects, he needs to be educated about proper treatment of LGBT people in general, and respectful use of language. It's not acceptable to use homophobic speech, and not stylish anymore except in the worst of the "red" states. He needs to clean the trash out of his trash talking, regardless of how he responds to your own situation, if for no other reason that it is an insult to the man who is putting a roof over his head and feeding him. Don't let him get away with that out of self-imposed guilt about yourself for that over which you have no control.
Congratulations! I'm glad you were able to tell your wife. I hope your son takes the news in stride. (*hug*)
Your son is being thoughtless with his comments, but coming out to him might provoke him to think about what he is saying. It's not destined to go badly wrong when you tell him. Coming out to people is never easy, but it's especially hard to reveal the truth to someone who has been at your side for 22 years. I'm sure there were many difficult moments during the conversation, but it's important to see it as a major hurdle crossed. In the weeks and months ahead there will be many things to consider and work through, I'm sure, but don't overthink those things now. Telling your son is the next priority. You have achieved something important in bringing this out into the open and I hope we can be here for you as you contemplate and face the next steps on your journey.
Wow, that's wonderful, you must feel so relieved. How is your wife taking the news so far? Did she have any inclination before you told her, that you might be bisexual? (your profile says you are bisexual, but your post says you came out as gay, so I'm a bit confused which you are). Often times, talking to others is a great way to heal, would you mind telling me, what you told you told your wife when you sat down to tell her the big news? Did you formulate a plan for your marriage before you talked to her or will the two of you sit down and figure things out? Do you want out of the marriage?
Don't underestimate your kids. I was concerned about my kids reaction as well. They completely and totally shocked me. Now, I did raise them to be open minded and accepting, but kids do act like kids and is till was concerned about their ability to handle the news. In relation to my coming out, they have been Great. In relation to being teenagers, well, that's a completely separate story!
hugh step there brother. a new journey now for all of you, hopefully you can walk it together as friends if nothing else. and your kids will adapt, or not, that is their choice. your daughter seems to be ok and im sure your son loves his dad and will be ok too, it might take awhile though. your wife and you are in for a rollercoaster but i believe it will be worth it in the end.
Here's latest update-we went to see a therapist(which I was dreading) to open some dialogue and to get ideas on how to broach whole subject with our son. She was helpful to a point(more a family therapist) and related me to someone who deals more with whole coming out process but said how to start whole conversation with our son. So went right home after the therapist and sat my son down(wife and daughter stayed out on the back deck in case things went really shitty), he seemed to be somewhat unphased(???) by it and went right out to shoot some hoops. Was quiet for next day not really talking to me or my wife about it or anything and then started texting my wife "how can you stay here with him" and things along those lines which tore my heart out!!!! He then texted me the next day while I was at work and was asking vague questions like "are you still that way", "was it before or now" and I tried telling him the truth but don't think he really wanted to hear any more so talk drifted to the Yankees and was left alone for now. Think at this point it's more of don't hear, don't tell. Been total up and down ride so far with my wife, who ultimately has been very supportive but keeps just breaking down crying quite often, which is tearing at my heart seeing her like this because of me and my decision. It's really a totally exhausting process so far ---------- Post added 27th Jun 2015 at 08:00 PM ---------- OnTheHighway-Thanks it was a HUGE burden off of me but now it seems it's all on my wife now. My daughter has been great but she just left for a 6 week trip for College in Ireland and my son's still working on things in his own way. BingoString/Bi2Me/Looking for me/Yaoicore/Headshaver-thank you all for your kind words and support-it really means a lot. People here at EC have definitely made this an easier process with all the support and advice!!! Yossarian/PatrickUK-We're all still working through things with our son right now, who so far seems to be the hardest one to accept or even admit it was said. Think he's really in denial phase right now Thelma-My wife's had ups and downs so far(more downs reluctantly so far but to be expected). Many days with lots of tears. She had no inclination before I told her, nor did my mother or really anyone else yet. I'm saying that I'm Bi because I have attractions to both sexes but now it's really leaning towards trying the gay side(sounds like a fun place to be)-LOL. I reluctantly don't fully recall what I actually said-it was all such a blur as I kept stammering and saying how sorry I was but that I just couldn't keep this secret any longer, mainly from myself and everyone else. I've never been so nervous in my life-thought I was going to have a heart attack. We're still working on plans for future, both wanting to stay here at the home while working on being separated right now
Thanks for updating us... It sounds like he is going to need a bit of time to process. Hopefully in a few weeks he will realize that this doesn't change who you are as a person, and he will appreciate the honesty. I'm glad for you that you were able to tell him. I imagine that has to feel good, even in the wake of him not totally getting it yet.
Congratulations on your courage. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time. I hope your son comes around. Things will get better with your wife, but it will be very different from what you have known. The only way out is through. (*hug*)
It has been 6 months for me and things are getting better. It is a marathon and not a sprint. One thing I have learned is while you have had years to think about it and what your plans might be (even superficially) the rest of your family has had about 5 minutes. So it will take time for them to process. For me, it has been 6 months and when I see my wife she still cries sometimes but thing are much better now with her and the kids. Best of luck to you.
Thanks everyone for all the kind words and support-this site has really been a God send in helping me deal with everything so far!!!!!!!
