Alright. I'm confused. Coming to terms with my sexuality has been a hard process. I've always felt bi, like deep in my head, without any care whatsoever. I think that's because I never imagined being with the same sex. I definitely found girls sexy and beautiful and sometimes fantasized about them, and even had sex with a girl (but it was mostly her pleasing me) but I felt like that was just me and normal -- which it is. I now feel as though I only began to panic and question my entire life when I fell for my trigger crush, who I wanted to be with, like would have married if she wanted to. I could picture my whole life with her, except for the growing old thing, but having kids together and everything. Even now, though she is insane and fucked with my head, I still want her and think about how hot she is -- though she totally doesn't deserve it!! This is where I'm confused: I wanted her so bad, and still want Ruby Rose -- so I really felt like, I'm a lesbian. I got comfortable with the word and everything. But I'm still finding guys attractive... ugh. I feel like I'm answering my own fucking question. Like I'm just bi and attracted to androgynous girls, but also hot men. So why can't I just accept that?? I feel like I see 20 hot guys in conjunction with 1 hot girl. Not even, though. I never see women who look like my trigger crush or Ruby Rose, but that's what I like/am sexually attracted to. Also, I feel like with men I automatically think they're hot and then want to have sex with them, but then the feelings die down. With my trigger crush, I wanted to fuck and worship her at the same time. I took alot of shit from her; more than I'd ever take from a guy. Sometimes I think I just want to be a lesbian really badly, and then I think I am, and then I feel attracted to a guy and I'm like WTF?? I think it also has a lot to do with picturing my life, and knowing which kind I'd be living. It's like I feel as though I have to prepare for a gay life, and then I get eyes for some dude and think, wtf was all that prep for, if I'm going to be with a guy there's no prepping. Ughhhhhhh. Help. Diagnose me. Is anyone else going/been through this?
