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how do you figure out your type?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SiennaFire, Jun 16, 2015.

  1. SiennaFire

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    When I was a bi-married in the closet, my type of guy was a well educated professional married guy. Pretty vanilla in hindsight. I was assuming that my first BF would be well educated professional gay guy living an otherwise conventional life.

    I met a guy from CL today and we were together for 4 hours. Lots of talking, kissing and making out. We held off on all forms of sexual expression leading to orgasm. It was really nice. He is very intelligent, unconventional, and retired. He's super sweet and nice and around my age. I asked him to be my BF.

    For now I'm going to run with this and see how it feels. Just wondering if others can relate?
     
    #1 SiennaFire, Jun 16, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2015
  2. KyleD

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    CONGRATS!!!! I hope I can relate some day when I develop some confidence!
     
  3. yaoicore

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    I was always in too straight guy's I guess it's because they always treated me manly
     
  4. brainwashed

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    Pretty damn cool and gives me hope on this hopeless night.
     
  5. CyclingFan

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    Heh...so

    My type is a guy a little taller than me (and I'm about 5'7"), smart, with a hairy chest and not too much older than me.

    The guy I'm seeing...One out of four ain't bad. Not bad at all
     
  6. Tightrope

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    Very funny! Which one of the four ingredients did you get?
     
  7. OnTheHighway

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    To answer the specific question, Imet a lot of guys. And in retrospect, thinking about figuring out what is my "type", this was a very important question for me as well. Thanks for asking the question and making me think about it.

    The more people I met, the more I was able to define what my type was.
     
  8. SiennaFire

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    You mentioned before that you went through a period of a lot of sexual encounters. Was that what you mean by "met" here? :eusa_danc Or are you talking about meeting people with a handshake? Or a combination of both?
     
  9. OnTheHighway

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    That was definitely part of it; but that helped me figure out more of what I did not like rather than what I do like. More in determining what I do like, I found that I would engage and begin conversations at random places with guys I found attractive. The more guys I met or spoke to that I found attractive, I realized they fit a certain profile. Almost as if I was a magnet and pulled toward them.

    In my post where I discussed how I explored my sexuality, I did feel as if I was selecting from a menu of guys and would try different things off the menu. Some I liked, but for the most part, the vast majority I did not. Those that I liked happen to coincide with those same types of guys I referenced above, which I was attracted to on a day to day basis.

    It was surprising for me to see how similar a profile the type of guy I liked had. Equally, it seemed the type of guy I liked frequently seemed to recipirocate; at least based on my perception. And when this happened, the conversation would just flow really easily.

    My boyfriend fits perfectly. And he even knows the type of guy I like as well. It's to a point that when we go out, if he sees a guy that fits, he will begin to intentionally distract me :slight_smile: (although no one could ever replace him).

    ---------- Post added 17th Jun 2015 at 01:12 PM ----------

    Too funny, as I am typing this, I am sitting in a plane waiting for passengers to finish boarding. And sure enough a very hot guy just came and sat next me! Too bad he only speaks German! But boy does he fit the profile :slight_smile:
     
    #9 OnTheHighway, Jun 17, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2015
  10. tscott

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    My type is perhaps too specific. Being a member of a gay men's chorus has exposed me to a number "types". My type is still my type, but I'm open to a lot more options. The guy I was last dating was a bit dandified, a bit feminine, taller than me, and owns cats. Yet if it weren't for some health issues, we'd still be together (explained in another thread, "Heart Condition: Literally and Figuratively"). I could see us together. You never know.
     
  11. CyclingFan

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    Haha. Smart. It'd be great if he were 4 years younger and 4 inches taller.

    But if that's on offer, I'll just take that for myself. :wink:
     
  12. MarthRoyIke

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    I'm still trying to figure this out, and I'm not even sure how all of you here did that. While I do have some things in guys I prefer, I tend to find a wide range of guys attractive.

    ... or maybe I just have a lot of pent up sexual tension so everyone looks hot ...
     
  13. OnTheHighway

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    Hehe, that's definitely how it started for me :slight_smile:
     
  14. SiennaFire

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    Update - My gut was telling me this was a close but not perfect match for a LTR. I shared this with him, and we decided to break up :frowning2: We said goodbye with a hug and a kiss.

    I have much to learn in the new frontier of gay dating (!)
     
  15. Seagypsy

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    Well I've always been attracted to people who have a blend of masculine and feminine traits, they may or may not look androgynous, but even if they don't look it, their personality may be more masc/fem and that will be why I'm attracted! Last Friday, I was with a friend (female) in the pub garden sitting next to a guy that I really fancy and his mates, and they were talking about men (from what I could hear!) and so they were kind of acting more gay than they would if they were talking about girls - kind of more feminine mannersims etc. And I know that I've liked that type of guy all my life... so I really think that my attraction to these guys is part of my liking for women, and likewise my liking for certain women is part of my liking for certain men.....
     
  16. SiennaFire

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    Update: We had a heart to heart, and we're back together. We have genuine feelings for each other. He is ready for a LTR, and I hold him that I wasn't ready to commit to one. He appreciated that I didn't want to hurt him. He understands that I'm a newbie and need some time to process everything. So we agreed to date and see where things go.
     
  17. vamonos

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    Easy. Large penis.
     
  18. SiennaFire

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    It just occurred to me that I brought a bias for a straight lifestyle to my search for a BF, that he would help me recreate the straight lifestyle, except with a second penis involved.
     
  19. bi2me

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    That sounds like a powerful insight. How do you think it will change your interaction with him?
     
  20. Chicagoblue

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    For me, I have to get out and date. Hookups and fantasies are not the way to figure it out, to feel my way through it. I would probably go for someone with a softer look but strong character and personality.