I knew when I started the"Coming Out" process there would come the time when I was "Outed" by someone. Maybe intentionally and then maybe unintentionally. To my knowledge I've been outed three times. Once by someone when I told him I had a feeling he couldn't keep his mouth shut. My mistake, he to a woman and her husband that I have no use for. Now every time I see her I want to say yeah I'm gay however your still a bitch. I just smile knowing she doesn't have the nerve to say anything. The second time I was out with 5 other people and another guy with us was gay. He's married, he and I have similar interests and my friend who put the night together to him I had just come out. We talked and it was interesting to pick his mind about things. One of the gals made a comment that I and he were really getting along well. My friends wife who doesn't have a poker face told the other gal I had come out. This is where my fun began. The "Outer" told be what transpired and was so apologetic. I assured her it was ok. Not to worry. Now knowing this information me being me and always wanting to have fun I made my way casually to the "Outee" and said I hear you know something about me. She had such a twisted look realizing that I knew but the Outer told her not to say anything and she didn't. I just walked away from her and the fun began. Let me back up we were at a beer festival at the time and going from stand to stand. As the night went on I caught up with the Outee and we had a great talk. Then the Outer came over and they were trying to fix me up with a friend of their's. As we talked all of a sudden the two that couldn't keep there mouths shut became monks not saying a word. I looked behind me ant the husband of the Outee was behind me. He had a quizzical look on his face like what's going on. I just turned to him and said "I'm Gay". He looked at me and said "your still Jim aren't you"? Everything was good from there. The third outing was just an meaningful. I told a dear friend who is friends with another dear friend. Friend two saw friend one and as he always does asked for me. Friend one said I saw Jim the other day and he's never been better and told friend two I had Come Out. I got a text from friend two telling me how happy he and his wife were for me and that they always have and always will love me. Then we proceed to break each other's balls like we always do. I've gone on longer than I thought I would. Being "Outed" can be nerve wracking, fun, and loving it just depends on what the circumstances of thr Outing are. All in all I'm out and does it really matter now.
I love stories like that. Coming out can be fun when the situation is right. I was talking to 2 girls at work about my weight watchers meetings. A guy came up and was listening to me tell my story. He said "So you joined weight watchers to pick up chicks?". Without thinking, I rolled my eyes and said "Like I'm interested in that" and I continued my story. He had a perplexed look on his face and he walked away saying "Well I can believe that".
Given that you've come out to the important people in your life, are you really being outed? Or is this just a form of gossip? Wondering because I will face the same challenges soon...
Yes and no. The first example was someone that I really care about. He outed me to someone that I have no use for. Examples 2 and 3 were fun outings that had a happy ending.
Hi, The gossip is a pitiful soul. Trying to exercise or access social power by their perception of power (which is pathetic).
I was inadvertently outed by a friend of my wife's whose ex-husband has yet to admit to his homosexuality, but whose wife had proof of it. Up at Thousand Islands my cousins ran into her. Everyone was on a separate holiday. I had yet to tell any family members (my parents are deceased, I'm an only, and all that remains are cousins). My cousins and she are good friends. After inquiring of her ex-husband and the difficulties she's been through, she went on to compliment me by saying how up front and honorable I'd been with my ex. My cousins new nothing of my being gay or of the recent divorce. At first I was a bit angry, but then I saw the humor in it. I see my cousins twice a year at best. It saved me the difficulty of explaining things to them.
My big outing came a few months after my boyfriend and I met. We had lunch about 30 miles from my small town, and the guy who lives 2 doors down from me somehow managed to be having lunch at the same place. I didn't see him but he sure saw and heard us, and the news got around the neighborhood fast. It was hard on my wife--a couple people questioned her directly at a 4th of July party. I told her, the truth is the best weapon because it gives them nothing more to speculate about. Gossip can make you a victim, or it can force you into action. Once people started knowing, I took charge and told the people who could have been affected, particularly a few people at church, where I'm an organist, choir member and religious ed instructor. It wasn't easy, but I made it my show and no one else's.
I pretty much told my parents and then just accepted that everyone would know going forward, so, while people have been told I was gay by other people, I've never really considered myself "outed." I think there really is room for people who are genuinely alright with it to not realize that it should be a secret--really in the final analysis it shouldn't be. I have gotten to the point where I sort of assume people talk--doesn't bother me. In fact a while back we got a new employee at our office. Her time was being split between two offices and we really hadn't done a major deal together yet, but she had been there for several weeks. Well, one day we were chatting and something came up about my partner picking me up after work to go to a restaurant he was excited to try. She sort of cocked her head to one side in that way I've noticed people do when they are assimilating the whole gay thing into their vision of me and I realized that I had just assumed that someone would have already told her.
Yeah I know that "dog looking into the victrola" look. For me it's a little different since many coworkers know me as a married guy with wife and kids, but enough people now know that I just assume those who don't will either figure it out, or someone will fill in the blanks for them. And I've stopped thinking of it as being "outed" too. The first time I gave my boyfriend a big kiss goodbye after lunch, in a parking lot on a busy street, I figured it was public knowledge one way or another and I didn't care anymore.
