He cried, sobbed and asked if he could stay with me and just not have sex. He doesn't seem to understand that I want to fall in love with a woman. How am I going to make him understand?
Congratulations on taking such a big step. I'm not looking to leave my husband, so I'm not the right person to answer the rest, but I wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you.
That takes a lot of courage smokeysally! I know it will be really difficult but hopefully for the best in the end. I am gay/bi but haven't come out to my wife.
(*hug*) It's a pretty shocking thing to hear, I think. For my ex and me, there was a lot of talking, and more talking to figure out just how this was going to be. Do you have an idea of what sort of relationship, if any, that you would like to have with him?
Would an analogy help him to understand? Maybe if you explained it by telling him that what be wants is like asking you to breathe only 40% of the time. You might survive but it would be a miserable existence. For him, as well. You both need a chance to get everything out of life that's on offer. 100%.
I don't want to live with him - I want to meet a woman who makes me feel happy and loved. And I can't do that with him in my daily life.
Wow smokeysally, that was a brave move and very decisive. I wish I had your courage... I do hope he understand and through talks you two reach a happy decision for both of you! All the best and keep us updated!
Wow today has been really rough He is really asking for me to stay married, sleep in the same bed, live the same life, just stop having sex. I asked him if he would really be happy not having sex for the rest of his life just to stay with his gay wife and he said yes. I think that is rubbish and he will regret that and told him so. Is this the denial stage?
I'm for sure not able to answer your question about the denial stage...but if he was not expecting it or had an idea that you were a lesbian it must have been a shock to him!
on his part, its a denial stage, be strict of what you´ve told him and remain him again and again that your orientation wont be magically changed, on the other hand, give him some time to deal with it
He needs time and support of his own to deal with this. Right now he's very emotional and not thinking things through. He just found out so it's completely understandable. There's a group called the straight spouse network that could be very helpful for him. My husband's on it and it has helped him to come to terms with everything we are going through. Good luck.
Smokers ally I admire your courage. I don't think I'll ever get there. Can I ask how long you have been married? Any children? ---------- Post added 20th Jun 2015 at 06:24 PM ---------- Sorry, should have said smokeysally. Autocorrect........
I'm sorry. It is an impossible situation. The good news is that going forward you can correct that. You done have to live a lie any more. I admire your bravery.
So for those of you who were sharing a bed... when did you kick them out of the bedroom? I am really looking forward to having my own space again, and not sharing a bed with a man. Do I have to leave it for a few weeks to have that conversation? I was going to go out and buy a new bed on the weekend and set it up in the study for myself.
