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I just came out to my wife

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SiennaFire, Jun 20, 2015.

  1. SiennaFire

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    I just came out to my wife. She was very understanding about my need to be true to myself. Where we have work to do is how/when to tell my son. She basically asked me to stay in the closet so that my son is not bullied at school, so we'll need to work through this. She obviously needs time to process her feelings and I told her that as well. We agreed to continue with status quo until we figure out the game plan for telling my son.

    I am very relieved right now - this burden has been lifted. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  2. maybgayguy

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    Wow...congrats on this big step! There will bumps ahead I am sure but you are being true to yourself!
     
  3. bi2me

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    Congratulations! I know this is a big first step to the rest of your life. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Chicagoblue

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    Way to go. I envy and respect you.

    Do you think you'll be dating before your divorce and move-out?
     
  5. CyclingFan

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    Congratulations! It's a big scary thing to do and you did it!
     
  6. Toblyawesome

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    That's takes a lot of courage! I'm happy you were able to do so and I wish you all the happiness
     
  7. Thewriter

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    Wow. I'm glad to see that you're able to be true to yourself and that your wife is cool with everything. I wish you the best.
     
  8. SiennaFire

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    Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement.

    We are in the anger phase. She's adamant about not telling my son, hence trying to keep me in the closet for my son's benefit. We've agreed to disagree for now since we've been going round and round in circles.
     
    #8 SiennaFire, Jun 20, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2015
  9. Clay

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    While I don't have any first hand experience to help you with, the general advice I've read a lot around here seems to be don't keep secrets from the kids for long.
     
  10. smokeysally

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    Congratulations! I've also just came out to my spouse.

    My spouse also wishes I would "stay in the closet" as far as the kids are concerned, but this can only occur for days / weeks while I allow him time to get his head together.

    Eventually, coming out means living out.
     
  11. Yossarian

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    Congratulations Sienna, you are at the end of the beginning and fretting; now you and she can work on what to do together. Please be patient; she is setting the time line right now by how long it takes her to work through to the next stage.
     
  12. bi2me

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    Sienna/Smokeysally, how old is your son/kids? It seems like most people who have told their kids get positive results. Any reason to expect differently?
     
  13. smokeysally

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    Mine are 6. So it was age appropriate. But they have gay adults in their life so they understand. Mum wants to hug ladies because she loves them.
     
  14. ApexxShadow

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    Congratulations! hope all goes well
     
  15. SiennaFire

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    Congrats smokeysally - a coming out double header :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:

    We are in the we-haven't-talked-like-this-for-years phase.

    My son is 12. My wife is worried he'll get bullied in school for having a gay dad.
     
    #15 SiennaFire, Jun 20, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2015
  16. Charliee

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    Hey! Congratulations! I'm seriously happy for you. :grin:

    I hope you'd be able to tell your son soon and with favorable response. Good luck! :slight_smile:
     
  17. brainwashed

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    I posted this to your wall:
    You might want to read greatwhale's blog, katabasis. Reference link.

    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/blogs/...katabasis.html

    ---------- Post added 20th Jun 2015 at 09:16 PM ----------

    Suggest you watch the movie, Beginners.

    Amazon.com: Beginners: Ewan McGregor, Christopher Plummer, Mike Mills: Movies & TV
     
  18. kimalim

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    Congrats man, any advice? I have to do this soon..
     
  19. hanshotfirst

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    SiennaFire-I'm so proud of you, great job. I know it's going to be a roller coaster of emotions-I'm still going through them(11 days now since I came out to wife and family). From my own experience it ate at me even waiting a week to tell my son so can't imagine attempting to wait possibly years to tell him. Feel free to post on my wall if you need to chat. Just want to let you know really happy for it
     
  20. SiennaFire

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    Update:

    The past 2 days have been a roller coaster ride. My wife and I have had several conversations (some tearful) about my sexual orientation, what I've done, sexual health issues, and how to protect our 12 year old son from bullying. The last point is a sticking point - she would have me stay in the closet to protect him from bullying. I'm going to schedule an appointment with the therapist to work through this. She's gone from shock, to anger, to beginning to accept. She wrote me a nice Father's Day card.

    As for my BF, we decided to be friends. He's looking for a fulltime BF, someone who can move in with him, and given my situation this is not realistic. He wants to take me to a gay club on Wednesday night. He will always have a special place in my heart since we got tested together and I had my first date with him.

    I went to a yoga class this morning to chill. The instructor asked if there were any fathers in the room. I raised my hand as well as the guy next to me. There was mention that he was a father of a dog. Gaydar went off :slight_smile: I wanted to start a conversation with him to see if he was gay, but really wasn't prepared. Maybe next time.

    My cave is beginning to disappear, leaving just me. All my secrets and emotional baggage have disappeared. I know there's more work to be done in the coming days and weeks, but for the first time I feel optimistic that I'm going to start dating guys and one day meet the one.

    Thank you everyone at EC for your love and support along the way. I'd been spinning my wheels for several years. I couldn't have come out without you!
     
    #20 SiennaFire, Jun 21, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2015