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Hard To Go Back In The Closet

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by 99701, Jun 21, 2015.

  1. 99701

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    In the last month, I've come out to all my close friends, where I was only out to 1 before that, and started dating a guy. This weekend I was at a campground with Members of a veterans group I belong to. I did not think it would go well, so whenever someone asked me what was new in my life, I just responded with "nothing". I really bothered me to not be truthful with them, but older veterans are not the most liberal group and I was worried nobody would want to hang out with me after they heard. My main hobby is amateur(ham) radio and I'm not concerned who in that hobby knows. I found out for the first time that it is hard to be out to only some of the people in your life. Anyone else have a similar experience?
     
  2. confuzzled82

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    I am definitely feeling that RE: my gender, but not my sexuality. I don't really talk about my relationships in the ham community, or with people in General from my disaster response team. Still working on coming out to all, though.
     
  3. CyclingFan

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    Absolutely. I'm not out at work and that sometimes makes me a bit uncomfortable. I work with a bunch of quite conservative people on my team, although the company is accepting. I didn't exactly want to make an announcement.

    Ending that next week though, as I causally mention the nice weekend I had with my bf at SF pride. :wink:
     
  4. OnTheHighway

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    For me personally, I put it all on the line the months after I came out. Whether personal relationships, professional relationships, I decided to throw it all out on the table and let the chips fall where they may.

    I am not suggesting everyone do this as it needs to be right for each person. But I was prepared to have to start from scratch. I have climbed mountains before and was prepared to do so again.

    For me, being genuine and honest with myself meant doing the same with everyone.
     
  5. Richie.

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    I always felt disheartened when I had the opportunity to share my sexuality and didn't, but you shouldn't. It's extremely personal information and not all people need to know. Only you know who you want to know and you will tell them in your own time. It takes a long time to come out its not boom and its done its a constant battle of who you want to know and telling them in your own time or never telling them at all.

    Don't be too hard on yourself you're doing great
     
  6. 50ishandout

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    I'm by far an expert in coming out. That said you've come out. Don't worry that everyone that you encounter must know your gay. You know your gay. What I've come to learn is that most of it is in our heads. People aren't fased by the "Gay Thing" like years ago.

    One of my best friends as a kid who after graduation went into the Marines and left the home town recently came back into my life. We were back in the day "Blood Brothers". It was great to rekindle our friendship. Conversation came up about another kid we grew up with. My friend was making excuses for the other kid's drug abuse. I looked him straight in the eyes and told him the same issues that the other kid had happened to me and that also I way gay.

    You could have heard a pin drop at the restaurant we were at. This is a guy Joe Marine. Marine tats, flat top the whole veteran package. Ho looked me in the eyes and said "Jim your my brother I love you and I always will".

    Where I'm going with this is although you think your veteran buddy's will have a problem with you being gay is more in your head than in there hearts.

    BTW Thank You and all the veterans out the that made this country a place that I can live the life I want to and love who I want to.
     
    #6 50ishandout, Jun 22, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2015
  7. smurf

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    Yep, going back in the closet for any reason can be very uncomfortable.

    Try looking for an LGBT group of veterans. A lot of the VA's have one now so you can ask through a fake email if that makes you feel better.

    But yes, not the best feeling
     
  8. Yossarian

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    All the time. But you have to keep it in perspective. Like in the military sense of classified information. Some people have the "need to know" and others don't. Your relationship to these veterans is not of a sexual nature, so they do not have the need to know. Yes, the more people come out, the easier it is for everyone to come out, but you have taken care of disclosure to the people who need to know, so that is enough, if you are comfortable with it being enough.

    It only gets weird when the people who know interact with the people who don't; your circle of people who know might suddenly expand in a way that is out of your control. You have to be ready to bear that risk, if you consider that to be a problem. I think that many older veterans now understand why you had to be silent during the years when being gay was a potential court marshall offense and don't have a problem with it. The other all live in North Carolina (if you are a "ham", you know what I mean). :lol:
     
  9. 99701

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    Thanks for all your replies. I went to my local gay men's support group meeting tonight and talked about it. They all said the same things you are saying.