Hello EC family! Happy Fathers Day to all the gay dads out there! May you all continue to have happy days ahead with your children. Today was a real weird day for me - maybe it's just me but I thought I would throw this out to the EC fathers... I have not told my daughters yet - expect to do that after returning from vacation on July 10th. Today was a mixed bag of emotions - I felt so strange for the first time ever as a father - as if I wasn't the real "dad" they knew. I read the cards from my girls where they told me how they love me and how they are who they are today because of the example I have been... they wrote about the bond we have, etc. The whole time I'm reading their cards I'm thinking ... really? Will they feel this way in a few weeks? Lunch with he family was good - my wife was so nice, planning out all the details (for a change) and it was good to have her and my girls all together - and on the way home I start thinking about what I have done to our family. I start getting sad about this being the last fathers day we'll have as a family unit.. then of course I then went to all the other holiday's which will never be the same because of me coming out.. As much progress as I've made over the last 4 months, I feel so sad - I'm scared, I'm afraid of being alone, I'm worried about the longer term impact this will have on my relationship with my daughters.. all things I have thought about before I came out - and kind of worked thru in my head, but today, it hit me like a train. What the hell have I done? This has to pass ... I hope - honestly I was walking the dog thinking how I could repair all the damage I have done and go back to the way things were... which isn't possible, but the fact that I thought that scared the crap out of me... Am I the only father out here feeling this way or am I just crazy? I'm going to bed early tonight so hopefully I can get up tomorrow and a fresh new day will be in front of me. And the journey continues.... Peace!
Happy Father's Day! And much luck to coming out to your two daughters, I can't even imagine how much courage that alone would take I'm sure they'll fully support you!
If you make a bit of a paradigm shift from something you did to them to something that is happening to all of you, you may be able to cut yourself some slack. What you are doing is rectifying an impossible situation, don't think of it as damage, but rather as repair... This is a moment of crisis for all of you. One in which everyone must be engaged. You can indeed find yourself alone at times, but if you plan this well, you need not be unnecessarily cut off from your kids; there are civilized ways to end a marriage, with the least possible impact on them. Not to say that this will be easy, but a lot of unnecessary damage can be avoided if this is done properly and with compassion from all sides. You are still their father, you are still who you are. Once every one knows this side of you, they will simply know you better, as you yourself now know yourself better.
I came out to my two kids over last 2 weeks and Father's Day was still Father's Day-a nice time with them but I understand it will start to get weird and not the same whole family unit it once was but it's also the start of a whole new world opening up(God I hope it does). To all the rest of the dads out there-Happy Father's day to you to
Headshaver, Father's Day now means something different today than it did before I came out. Before I came out, it felt artificial to me. Interestingly, given the emotional distance between myself and my family, I think it felt distant to them as well. Yesterday, my kids spent most of the day with me. We went to ride roller coasters and then have a lovely meal together. As we sat around the table eating, we all had very open and adult discussions. Everyone was honest and expressive, there was no apparent tension or anxiety amongst any of us. While my kids are still very much in the getting to know me phase, as I am with them, we have established a new adult relationship amongst ourselves. What was obvious, is there is so much about me that they will continue to learn, just as there is much about them that I will better appreciate. I also think part of the evolving relationship between my kids and myself are a natural evolution of a fathers relationship with his daughters as they go from children to adults. It just so happens that the timing of such a maturation process coincided with my coming out. Father's Day is a time to reflect for us fathers. For you, Headshaver, your at the beginning of your journey, while for me, I am several years into it. I recall the Father's Day right before I told my kids (I told them two weeks after), it was equally thought provoking. Good luck as your journey progresses!
headshaver Things could have been worse - you could have come out to your wife the day before Father's Day and could have received the anger of your wife as a Father's Day present I also feel that I've destroyed a family unit, yet I also know the family will be reconstructed in a new way. My wife calls me selfish for doing this and subjecting my son to potential ridicule. I agree that I'm being selfish. For the first time in my life I'm fighting for what I truly want and value (greatwhale likes that that I quoted him in my sig). This energizes me and keeps me motivated for the fight.
