accepting but moving on

Your question seems incongruous. If you've accepted that you are gay, why would you want to suppress your true self?

I tried doing this but my repression started to melt at midlife (46) as marital sex decreased in frequency. I came out at 51. So I would advise against trying to fight nature because you'll spend way too much energy fighting and suppressing your true self.

 

I'm bi, and unconsciously repressed it for a long time. I became much less of myself. You can read more on my blog. I wouldn't recommend it.

 

razorsharp

I'm not in a position to give you the answers that you want. When I was 46 I asked myself how would I feel on my deathbed if I died not expressing my SSA? It's clear that you feel deep shame about your SSA - I felt the shame myself for most of my life. I'm not sure when or how I decided to stop fooling myself and began to love myself to start healing the shame. I had to work through the issues of putting the needs of others and societal norms ahead of my own (learned at Sunday school and reinforced by my mom). I decided to fight for the life that I was meant to live. I made the leap from being bi to accepting that I'm gay. I let go of all the bullshit that I accumulated from authority figures. I accepted that I am gay and I am proud ride: I've never felt as free in my life; the heavy burden was lifted.

While I was raised Christian, I no longer believe in God. I remember learning that Jesus loves all the little children in Sunday school, even your gay inner child. Perhaps you would benefit from reaching out to the Gay Christian Network. See http://emptyclosets.com/forum/2699478-post18.html

While you have every right to believe what you want and live the life that you want, I cannot in good conscious enable your self deception.

Best of luck to you friend.

 

"My only choices are to try to pursue a relationship with a woman somehow, or celibacy."

If you honestly want to know what a relationship with a woman would be like, spend some time on the Straight Spouse Network. Read the stories. Then ask your question on their anonymous open forum.

Millions of men all over the world are celibate. Based on those numbers, and empirically speaking, sex is not required for happiness.

 

razorsharp,

It would appear that you wish to re-visit this dead horse. The term "same-sex attraction" is commonly used in gay conversion circles, it is telling that you refuse to call it being gay.

As for ignoring or suppressing your sexual drive and orientation, it is possible, I suppose, but in psychological terms, what gets repressed will get expressed somewhere else, or in ways you would find hard to control.

We had nothing to tell you earlier, and unfortunately, we have nothing further to tell you now other than it would be a bad idea to marry if you are gay.

 

You can find my blog by clicking on the link to the left under my stats.

 

Yes I did. and It was pointless. I uset to watch gay and straight porn alike. I thought that if I could reduce the amount of gay porn, the "same sex attraction" as you call it would go away. I was wrong.

When I masturbated to gay porn I used to feel guilty afterwards, so I compensated by imposing sort of a "quota" of straigth porn so I could feel more "straight". After years of doing that, I got rid of my denial and accepted myself. The best decision I ever made.

So to get to the point. Straight porn would release my urges, but it didn't kill any of my feelings for gay intimacy, relationship,etc... And the worst is that it came in waves. I was convinced I was straight for some days, even weeks. but then my feelings got too strong, I "cheated" on gay porn and I had to start again. and again. and again.

And that, my friend, is the biggest truth. You can control your dick, but you never can control your brain.A silly example. Saying you have "same sex attraction" would be like saying "My eyes are painted brown"No. My eyes ARE brown and this is fucking great.


if you try to supress who you really are (sexually and romantically) you are going to end up very, very depressed. you may maintain a happy facade on the outside, but the truth will never leave your brain alone until you accept it.

 

Hmmmm....

If those are your true convictions why EC and not a monastery?

Seek professional guidance as there appears ti be more at work than sexuality.

 

Are you attracted to women? As well or just men?
And as far as not thinking your same-sex attraction as "right" whether you think it's right out not is irrelevant its part of who you are you have to accept and embrace who you are not hide and repress it because that will lead you to be unhappy in almost every aspect of your life trust me been there done that it's no fun

 

Start going out with some men and check back with us in a year. You can talk this thing to death.

 

What are these reasons you feel you are "not in a position to be able to act" on your attraction to men, or that you 'disagree' with those attractions?

In my observation, arguments that being gay is somehow "wrong" are ALWAYS rooted in religious dogma (usually of the fundamentalist Christian kind). And as others have pointed out in this thread, this "SSA" language is mainly used by fundamentalist Christians and conversion therapy advocates.

Attempts to convert from gay to straight or merely suppress "SSAs" will ALWAYS FAIL. That is why ex-gay groups (such as Exodus) are closing up shop, and another one (JONAH) just was found to have engaged in consumer fraud.

Another thing these religious groups get completely wrong is the idea that same-sex attraction (being gay) is only about sex, without any sort of emotional attachment. Those who make these statements aren't gay and don't understand what it is like to be a guy who likes guys.

So it is a fact that you are attracted to men. If anything, those attractions are intensifying - because you can no longer deny them or push them away. "Disagreeing" with being gay will only cause internal angst, due to a conflict between your religious beliefs, and the truth of who you love.

As long as you subscribe this type of religious doctrine, you will be stuck in this trap. The only way out is to reconcile your religious beliefs with your sexuality. In my opinion, the best way to do that is to convert to a more progressive denomination.

These days, there are large main-line Christian denominations that accept gay men as church members, lay leaders, or as clergy. (The Episcopal Church, for one, just announced they will perform same-sex weddings in their churches.)

 

If you try to throw your same-sex attraction out the door, it is just going to come back in the window later. You are in the denial stage. At some point you will begin to accept it, and live again. Fight it if that makes you happy for now, but don't be surprised when you meet the right man and lose your struggle, joyously.

 

Hi razorsharp,

Many people have walked in your shoes over the years. I'm not going to presume to tell you what to do, or to fully understand your circumstances.

I would say that that you are doing something psychologically healthy by accepting that you are attracted to men. It's good to have internal alignment. I would focus on this as much as possible. There are lots of things you can do to take ownership of these feelings without actually having sex with anyone, such as reading, chatting here, enjoying porn or fantasy, etc. The more you can get to a place of "It's OK that I feel this way," the better off you'll be.

The secondary question of if or how to act on those feelings can be treated separately for awhile. Don't force yourself into any decision just yet or try to make long-term plans that you may not be able to follow through with.

Anyhow, that's my best advice. Good luck.

 

Hi razorsharp

Do you believe that you were you were born with same-sex attraction?