Today I met with my former wife to plan selling our house. We had intended to continue owning it, as we have lost almost all value in the recession. But for her own reasons, she does not want the risk of being financially linked. It was a tearful, painful conversation. Even as we try to be supportive of each other, you cannot escape the reality that we are separate, and that our lives are moving further and further apart. When I came out, over a year ago now, what I wanted, and believed I needed, was to simply be able to accept myself. In my minds eye, I pictured us staying together. It was naive, and she could see that instantly. Since then, I have experienced more than I could imagine- of joys and pains. Still, I cannot get over how strange it is, to be more at home in my body, and at the same time losing the relationship which was home for me. I feel torn in pieces. I know that like any feeling, this will pass, and we will both move forward with our lives. Still, right now, it hurts.
Hi Earnest, I feel your pain. I'm spending the holiday weekend with some of my college friends, with whom my wife and I would often visit. But she's not here this time. Nobody has said anything to me, as they know my circumstances, but it's painful and sad not to have her here with me, to realize how much our lives are separating. I don't have any advice for you, just saying that it sucks. You're losing your home, literally and figuratively, but you are replacing it with a new one. Hopefully after the feelings of loss you can make room for something new. Good luck.
Hello beingearnets - I feel your pain - well, almost, as I signed a lease today for my apartment. I found myself this morning coming in from a bike ride, and sitting out in front of my house realizing all of this will soon come to an end. I've worked so hard over the last 15 years on this place - it's amazing and yet, I'm walking away from it all. It is very sad - but I also know, like you, that soon, I will be able to be who I really am supposed to be and that will feel amazing I'm sure. I will have the house for 3 more years as the "plan" is for my wife and daughter to stay in the house until she graduates from high school. Plans change and my personal opinion is that my wife will not be able to maintain the house, pool, lawn, etc and she won't want to stay in a 4500 sqft house. When we sell the house it will be sad. This week has been difficult for me too - as I signed my lease and we realized that I will soon be moving out - separation - it's not going to be easy. In fact, I'm scared to death. And like you, each day, I feel our lives separating and we are moving further apart - we are nice to each other but there is no love that is for sure. I came out 4 months ago and man it has been up and down and down and up and sideways.... but through it all, I know, good will come from all of this. So to close - hang in there brother - be strong, and remember that all of the houses, cars, and other items we obtain in life are really just thing we all use to hide who we really are - and you have finally decided to be you - a gay man! I myself can't wait to start going to my gay friends houses and parties, or whatever - just to be who I really was made to be. Hang in there!!!
