Hi, I set up an account 8 months ago had a quick look and was too afraid to post anything. Now I'm a little more confident. Just a little. I'm 39 I've been married for 17 years with 2 teenagers. I haven't had sex with my husband since our last child was born. I haven't had sex with anyone. At first I thought I just wasnt attracted to him but if I'm totally honest its because I'm not attracted to men. Sex has always felt like a chore. I've always thought women were attractive but lately I just feel like I'm thinking more and more about women. What it would be like to kiss, to make love, to silly things like holding hands and being affectionate. I don't have any of that in my life. I get turned on by women but the thought of having sex with a man leaves me feeling cold. Its becoming harder and harder to hide this side of myself from my family and at work. I feel so depressed. I've spoken with my close friends who have been supportive. I just don't know what to do.
Please take comfort in knowing that your not alone. After years of turmoil and confusion I can finally say that I'm a Lesbian. The support on this forum has been my life line. We're here for you!
Well, I don't really have precise answers for you, but your story sure does sound familiar. I finally started allowing myself to see and understand my sexual orientation at age 39, while married to a man with whom I have 2 children. Allowing myself to really see and begin to accept myself has been a wild and difficult ride, sometimes excruciating, but I don't regret letting myself go there. And I'm learning that "going there" can only go as fast as it can go, which sometimes feels fast but usually feels very very slow. And winding. And unpredictable. And scary. And REAL in a way that my life didn't feel before. I'm finding it useful to pay attention to what CAN change/unfold right now and to quietly foster that with love, even if it seems very small and also when it seems HUGE. I feel like this might sound vague and useless, but I'll say it anyway--listen to your gut carefully whenever you can and let it guide you. And be very kind, gentle, and loving with yourself. Big hugs to you!
Welcome, Jelly, You are among friends here. There are many people who have discovered their sexuality after many years of marriage. Do you have any idea how you would like to proceed in an ideal world? Do you think your husband has any idea that you are not straight? Is your marriage happy/loving besides the sexual component (not that that isn't important)? I've found lots of help and comfort here. I hope you find the same.
Its certainly reassuring to see so many similar stories. I've decided to talk to my brother and sister. One of my major concerns about being open about myself is our mother. Who is totally against LGBT's. Being the eldest of four I was always expected to lead by example. Get a good job, get married, have children. God forbid if I had ever gotten pregnant before getting married. Whatever I've done its not been good enough. So it feels like I've wasted my life because if I'd have come out in my early twenties I could have saved myself a lot of heartache now.
Hi Jelly! Sounds to me like it's time for YOUR happiness to matter! You have a lot of support here! My experience has been that the pain, confusion and fear start to lose their power, and the more we can communicate our own truth, the stronger we become! This is a great place to BE! Over the years, I've found myself in very dark places, believing that my life was ending; hope was dead. Today, I am convinced that, in fact, my life is just beginning, and I am living it! Keep loving yourself, no matter what! Hugs.
