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Office Romance?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by PULCHRA, Jul 6, 2015.

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  1. PULCHRA

    PULCHRA Guest

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    Big crush on a coworker, she's hot, smart and cool to be around. I am totally against office romances however, I just heard that she's resigning. Any advice?
     
    #1 PULCHRA, Jul 6, 2015
  2. SiennaFire

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    Go for it if she's a lesbian. Otherwise you'll need the advice of other lesbian's on how to approach :slight_smile:
     
    #2 SiennaFire, Jul 6, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2015
  3. PurpleDude

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    if she's leaving and that's all that's holding you back, it won't be an issue anymore. so... go for it :icon_wink
     
    #3 PurpleDude, Jul 6, 2015
  4. RainbowBright

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    Careful if you live in an area where your rights as an employee are not protected because you're gay. Or even if they are, but homophobia at work could be a serious problem for you. If she stays in touch with others at work and tells someone you hit on her, or even that you're together, that could go very badly for you. If you don't care, then I don't see how this would even be a worry.

    Good for you for having the common sense though not to attempt this while she was an employee! A lot of people lack that restraint, and live to regret it.

    Just make sure she has already ended her work relationship BEFORE you contact her about this. Maybe take her aside before she leaves and ask for an email or number so you can meet up or go out to coffee sometime like on her last day, if you don't already have this info. Her receptiveness will give you an idea of your chances anyway (if she's even gay, which you didn't mention). When she's totally gone from work, write her or call and tell her that you find her attractive or whatever and ask if she'd be willing to go out on a date. Don't do it before she leaves, because it's possible that she might change her mind about leaving, and anyway she is still protected by workplace harassment laws until the moment she steps out the door, so it's not worth risking complicated situations - which is she is not gay or in the closet, she may be all the more likely to pursue a complaint if you hit on her while at work.

    Let us know what you decide, and how it goes if you decide to ask her out!
     
    #4 RainbowBright, Jul 6, 2015
  5. Chicagoblue

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    Why can't Amanda invite her to lunch or coffee as a sendoff?. Start out low key and see where it goes...this is 2015 fergodsakes.
     
    #5 Chicagoblue, Jul 6, 2015
  6. PULCHRA

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    Yes she is gay and everyone knows it, she's been out her entire adult life. One of the other reasons why I admire her.
     
    #6 PULCHRA, Jul 6, 2015
  7. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! If she is ending her career/employment with the current employer, I don't think it would still qualify as office romance. If she is leaving, and you are asking her to get together for a coffee, or drink just before she leaves or after she has left, that should be fine. If it doesn't develop into anything more than a coffee of drink, there wouldn't be any potential awkwardness to deal with it at the workplace, including being possibly outed in the workplace.

    It looks like that the co-worker would also be the first person to who you are coming out to. All I would suggest is to take it step by step and see how things go before revealing too much about your feelings for her. :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Mirko, Jul 6, 2015
  8. FoxSong

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    Sounds perfect. go for it!
     
    #8 FoxSong, Jul 7, 2015
  9. Van

    Van
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    Ask her out for a drink! Don't miss the chance! (*hug*)
     
    #9 Van, Jul 7, 2015
  10. Feln

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    Go for it! I hope it all goes good, sounds like it could!
     
    #10 Feln, Jul 7, 2015
  11. Rainbows~Exist

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    I say go for it 'cause you'll regret it if you don't... Good luck! (*hug*)
     
    #11 Rainbows~Exist, Jul 7, 2015
  12. Chicagoblue

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    What they said.
     
    #12 Chicagoblue, Jul 7, 2015
  13. PULCHRA

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    I tried to approach her today however, she was extremely quiet and reserved. No eye contact or interaction. I think that she knows; why do I feel like I'm in high school all over again? This is tough.
     
    #13 PULCHRA, Jul 7, 2015
  14. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Even though it didn't turn out the way you were hoping for, I think it's great that you tried. :slight_smile:

    Wondering, how did you approach her? What did you say?
     
    #14 Mirko, Jul 7, 2015
  15. PULCHRA

    PULCHRA Guest

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    It was just a regular work conversation, nothing personal. However, I could feel the tention. I waited the entire day for her to present a project to me but she had her assistant do it instead. I've never been inappropriate with her; strictly professional. What next?
     
    #15 PULCHRA, Jul 7, 2015
  16. Mirko

    Mirko
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    I see. Well, if it was a regular work conversation I wouldn't worry too much about it. It is possible that she is under more stress than usual to get things done or at least ready to be handed over before she leaves.

    As your interaction has always been strictly professional, it might come as bit of a surprise to her, but I'd say try to find a good time to ask - maybe during her lunch break or coffee break? A good way into a chat, would be to ask whether she is looking forward to the new adventures that she will be embarking on soon. You could try building a conversation on that, and then near the end, ask her if she would mind getting together so to continue the conversation. :slight_smile:
     
    #16 Mirko, Jul 7, 2015
  17. PULCHRA

    PULCHRA Guest

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    Your words bring great comfort; I will let you guys know how it plays out.:icon_bigg
     
    #17 PULCHRA, Jul 7, 2015
  18. PULCHRA

    PULCHRA Guest

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    Re: Office Romance? UPDATE

    The above individual has stopped interacting with me and passes me in the halls like I don't exist. We went from being friendly to her being downright nasty to me. This all started after I posted my feelings here. Is this just a coincidence? I can't say much because I truly believe that either her or someone she knows visits this forum. Today was bad, she was extremely rude to me. I approached her later on in the day to ask what was wrong and it was brutal. I left work in tears! I've never been inappropriate with her, always professional. What do you think?
     
    #18 PULCHRA, Jul 15, 2015
  19. FoxSong

    FoxSong
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    Unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do in this kind of situation except let it go. It's not worth investing time and energy into someone who doesn't reciprocate the interest, whether as friends or something else. Sorry it worked out this way *hugs*
     
    #19 FoxSong, Jul 16, 2015
  20. PULCHRA

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    Thank you for taking the time to respond. It's sad that she was so vicious however, it's best that I know now. Upward and Onward!
     
    #20 PULCHRA, Jul 16, 2015
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