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Trouble With Friends That Are Women

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SpaceButtercup, Jul 7, 2015.

  1. SpaceButtercup

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    Hi all. So I've only recently come to terms with being both genderfluid - ranging from demigirl to agender to very masculine tomboy. I've always hid that part of myself, and just told people I didn't like wearing makeup or was too lazy to shave... At the same time, I've given myself permission to admit I like girls a bit more than guys, but I'm still bisexual. It really was a lot to deal with all at once, but freeing at the same time. I'm not "out," but I dress more like I want to and act more like my true self around more people. Baby steps.

    So now that the backstory is out of the way... I have problems becoming friends with girls. I used to become acquaintances with girls through work or school and sometimes I'd find a somewhat good friend. But, since my high-school best friend, I haven't been able to be close to any female that wasn't a blood relative. I've had crushes, sure, but I just don't know how to get past the acquaintance stage and into friendship (its been 15 years since school).

    My high school bestie was a mess. I had a huge crush on her, and didn't realize it until our senior year. So I'm sure that is the main reason I'm having troubles. So now there is this girl who keeps trying to befriend me. We have worked together on projects, and gone out for coffee. But she'll say things like "I really care for you" or "I worry about you" and I get all confuzzled. Maybe I'm just not suited for friendships with girls. I feel stupid for even having this problem. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Any advice is welcome. Thanks!
     
    #1 SpaceButtercup, Jul 7, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2015
  2. Lindsey23

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    I can relate. I have a hard time making female friends. I'm much more comfortable talking to men for some reason. Sometimes I'll have a crush on a woman so I feel shy and won't know what to say. Other times I just assume women would judge me if they knew I was gay so I feel super guarded and won't reach out. Either way I'm pretty quiet around other women which makes it really hard to get close to anyone!

    So what makes you confuzzled with this woman? Do you have feelings for her beyond friendship? Or is it something else? I wish I had something more meaningful to say but I think I have the same problem..
     
  3. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    No advice other than accept it.

    I am gay, feel close to male friends but other than my sister have no close female friends.

    Not saying it is good or bad, it just is.
     
  4. bi2me

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    I don't maintain a large social circle at all. It's just not something I can manage. I read an article a while ago, that said although people's close friends changed over time, the number of close relationships did not vary much. I've found that to be true for me. And I can totally understand the messed-up-best-friend-you-realize-you-are-in-love-with meme. I'm back to best friends with mine after a long hiatus, and the feelings are still a bit there, even though I'm not in a place where I can act on them :dry: