Just that, and I can't seem to get myself out of it. I have reached a stage now where I am ok(ish) with not being straight. But I still feel so lost. My therapist told me that I have to allow myself to grieve the part of me that I thought I was, brought up how to be, and at the moment I am in shock, hence the lost feeling. Some days I am ok, others I just walk around in a complete daze. My upbringing was very Victorian. Girls did as they were told, seen not heard. Wore pretty dresses with long hair. So not me lol!!! I did rebel, but when I did, I got punished heavily for it. I have done some work on that area of my life and coming to terms that my mom was and still is a narcissist. I spent my whole life trying to please her (and everyone else) to get accept me, I lost my true self. I am not sure what I am asking by posting this, but please tell me this lost feeling goes in time?
I can certainly relate to a lot of this. And so happy to say, you can relax......it does get easier, and we can survive that lost phase. I've said often that I'm finding my way "home", and being able to talk to people here on EC is shining lots of extra light on my path! I hope you can find it too!
You need to stop trying to please others and start living for yourself! You need to give yourself permission to love and accept yourself for being gay. Don't look to others for approval or validation for being gay. Look inside yourself. The tricky part is how to do this. It's actually good that you are feeling lost. You are fighting to find the path forward. Do you go left or right or forge your own path through the Victorian? Only you can find your path to discover your true self. Find and trust the voice inside you that you've been trying to repress. She will set you free.
Hi, sometimes I feel as though I'm living in a dreamworld, but that's linked to more than just the journey to accepting that I seem to like guys so much, it's also due to having 'lost my innocence' regarding a lot of things about life, I am still reeling from how I feel my old supports, even my spiritual path are mostly absent, and I'm 'on my own' now, traversing the 'dark night of the soul' and trying to make peace with it. But yes I can relate. I believe the fog will clear in time.
I think you will find the friends you need here on EC to find the strength to move away from those that hurt you, so that you can love and accept yourself. You are welcome to chat with me anytime
