I've finally accepted my truth "I'm a lesbian" however I feel like I'm setting myself up for perpetual loneliness and heartache? Take a peek into my life below! I'm on edge all the time My anxiety levels have increased I've become socially awkward Feeling a sense of loss Sleepless nights Fatigue Lonely, Sad Frustrated Is this all worth it? I'm beginning to think that it isn't.
Is it worth it to live a lie and worry about keeping everyone believing it? -- I ask myself this all the time. I'm not out yet, but recently reading and writing posts on EC has helped me mentally better cope with accepting that the right thing is to eventually come out.
Hi Amanda00. Could you clarify your point? First time I read your post, I recognised a list of symptoms much like clinical depression, and that's where my brain went. Then the above posts made me look again, and I'm wondering if you're suggesting that this list of characteristics will make it difficult to have a healthy relationship....anyway, I really hope you'll keep talking, reaching out, communicating. Sounds like you really need some support from someone who can identify with your circumstances.
I'm having a difficult time dealing with the fall out from my new reality. I came out to my parents this week and I was told to "repent and get my act together". I'm an adult, considered successful and smart however, the rejection from my parents cuts like a knife. This has been an extremely difficult week I feel like a lost vulnerable child! Here's a little bit of my back story. I was adopted at the age of 3 by a well known successful family. First let me say that I do love my family and I'm grateful that they chose me even though my mother often states that I chose them. My upbringing was strict, I was raised to be a Jehovah's Witness. I hated every minute of it but out of respect for my family I played along. I went to a reputable college then married the all American JW man. My late husband and I traveled the world and did a lot of missionary work for a few years; my parents were proud! However, I knew that I was living a lie and needed to break free. I met with a therapist for awhile, and made the decision to cut ties with my religion. My husband was devastated! Leaving the Jehovah's Witness organization is similar to leaving Scientology, you lose EVERYTHING!!! I was "disfellowshipped" and labeled an Apostate, no one was allowed to have contact with or interact with me on any level. After a few meetings with the elders the Apostate label was removed. I had to go through a series of steps before I could be welcomed back into the fold. I came out to my husband shortly before his life was taken by a drunk driver. He told me that he loved me but I needed to do some deep studying of the bible and pray heavily for change. May he rest in peace; however he was somewhat clueless. I've been through a lot and this past week has dug up some old feelings. So here I am, the new me! Where do I go from here?
Change is difficult. *Any* change, good or bad. From what you describe you have gone through some pretty major events. If you go through enough change within a short period of time you are going to struggle. I think probably one of the best things that you could do to help is to make some friends who are LGBT or at least supportive and spend some time with them. The better a support network you have for yourself the easier it is going to be to get to a good place again. My heart goes out to you. What you are doing is not simple or easy, but it's really worth it.
I am sorry for what you have been through and what you are currently going through. I hope you make many friends here, because you are overdue for a surrounding of love, acceptance and affirmation that just being you is beautiful.
Thank you for sharing some of your story with us. It is one I can relate to on a few levels, one being having had a partner who transitioned from JW, and also a best friend I met through my early career training horses. I would like to offer more support. Still not sure how some of the technical stuff works on this site (not exactly a tech wiz...), but please let me know if you would like to talk further. Wishing you a safe journey through the tough stuff!
Well, you have been through quite a bit. Sudden and catastrophic loss is never simple. My own mother had several of those in the space of about a year when she was in her early twenties; no one knew then that "shell shock" existed outside of the armed forces, she was sadly undertreated. I hope you come to see that, well, "to every thing there is a season." Give these feelings you are having their due, but know that, in time, you can come to a new place. I hope your place of balance and center is not too far off.
I think you need to give it more time and let the dust settle a bit. What's done is done and you can't go back to your old life, so there's no point in worrying about whether or not coming out was worth it. Many people will tell you that it gets better, and that it helps to find an environment where people are supportive of your situation. I agree with this to some extent, and in my opinion, friends that are accepting of LGBT can be even more valuable in a person's recovery than therapy and antidepressants. As for rejection by parents and family, I don't know if that ever gets better. I think that kind of loss creates a wound that will never heal. I know that I wish I could still talk to my mom and it's like a hole in my heart that gets bigger every year because I love her so much. If you can get your parents back on your side, you should make every effort to do it. And if you can't, then just know that you're not alone.
My doorbell rang shortly after I submitted my last post, it was my brother. Our parents told him and he didn't call but flew overnight to be with me. I've never held on to anyone so tightly before, it was an awesome feeling. He's older, married, straight and a devout JW; but his words were "your my sister and I love you". He's being extremely supportive, no religious BS or anything negative. We're going sailing in a bit I'll keep you guys posted. I've read all of your comments; thank you so much for your continuous support. This forum has been my lifeline!
That's fantastic, Amanda00! Sounds so very promising! Please do keep us updated, and don't hesitate to let us know when you need any extra support. Happy to hear!
I'm so glad your brother dropped everything to be with you! I hope you have a nice day together and he is able to give you the support you need.
