So glad to find this site and other people's stories like this. I've known I was bi forever. As a kid, I had litle crushes on boys (mostly very 'girly' boys and ones who turned out to be gay) but I had massive intense crushes on my girl friends (and Lynda Carter!). I started exploring the girl thing in high school though I sort of dated guys as well, but was pretty uninterested in sex. I'm pretty much not attracted to guys IRL, other than sort of to the one I am with. Movie stars, sure, sometimes, but there's a huge difference in the way my friends view men and the way I do. As an adult, I dated a few women but they always broke my heart. And women really don't like bi women in the first place.:dry: I often ended up dating guys because I felt like I had the upper hand-not being all that into them. They are always guys who have big 'secrets' like cross dressing and are generally emotionally unavailable. I like being their partner in secretude but it's generally just lonely. I just really really want to be normal. 'Normal' I had one long term lady partner, who was my heart and soul. It was a strange, changeable relationship and she left me to marry a guy. Anyway, here I am, 4 years in a relationship with a great guy. He's bi but pretty uncomfortable about it. We've talked about marriage but I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with a man. When I picture forever, it's with a woman. I keep thinking though, that I'll find the right person and be straight enough. Then I watch some lesbian movie or OITNB and *sigh*. Maybe I am bi-sexual but homo-romantic?
I kinda feel exactly like that. Down to even dating cross dressers and also bi-sexual men. Except I have never pursued a relationship with a woman. Not until recently when I met this woman I can't stop thinking about. And I don't even know if she likes me... Lol. I'd persue if she felt the same. I guess it's just like any other relationship as far as what would you do for this man? For me as I am married 12 years and after we got married even back then, I hesitated sending our marriage license to the court house. I don't even know how I feel about my husband, for many many years now. I've always kept secrets of how I felt about woman. And till I met this woman recently I have never felt this way towards a man or anyone for that fact. I gave up on being "normal" long time ago. I am 38 and have wasted so many years, however if I was Just meeting people to where they brought me to my soul mate then it was all worth it. I went back and had to go through everything I did to meet her. If one person was missing, I wouldn't be where I am. Any ways good luck in finding your soul mate. She /he is out there and I truly believe you will know when he/she comes along and it will all be worth the wait.
Part of what has made me think this all over is meeting someone as well. I have no desire to cheat or anything with her but being touched by her (she's an exercise instructor-just normal move your arm here touching) really has jolted me awake. I love my partner but there is something missing. We've been through a lot and I have tried to bring up some thoughts about us at least going to pride or to the gay dance club but he's not into it.
Hey I'm 37 but very similar to you!! In fact your experiences sound much the same as mine, apart from I didn't really allow myself to feel big crushes on girls when growing up, or female actresses, but this was quite a deliberate process for me:- I DID start crushing on actresses, one in particular, from the age of about 12, but the feelings scared me so much that I kept pushing them away, eventually saying I hated the poor woman and didn't want to watch her on TV.. then I would leave the room whenever she came on! Then whenever I felt those feelings growing for other actresses, I would also stop watching them immediately. So I totally "switched off" my bi side at a very young age! But of course, it's still there underneath! I remember one time when I saw a photo of a very cute guy in the newspaper and I grabbed it, thinking "Who's that? I'm gonna crush on him harder than any guy I've ever liked!" Only to see the name and realise it was a photo of a woman....... So now I'm coming to terms with my bi side... but I've always liked bi guys just like you, I'm trying desperately to date one but so far it's not working out very well! I do love them though!
I so know what you mean about not knowing what you feel. I think, as women, we are socialized to see people lusting after/liking us, as us lusting after/ liking them! Like, don't question it! Then you end up in an LTR and you don't even know yourself. Agh. I do know that I'm not myself in this very hetero relationship. My SO may be bi, but he's like those guys on the down low and my attempts to queer things up are just confusing to him. Poor guy. He's probably as lost as the rest of us. Somehow I do need to reconcile my gayness with the rest of my life though.
Well, the heart wants what the heart wants... I wouldn't say that finding a same sex partner is the easiest way (speaking from my own experience here) but it's surely the happiest way if that's what your heart wants. :icon_bigg
I'm in the same age range and dealing with these issues as well - falling into a very committed relationship with a woman, yet secretly doing further exploration of my homosexual side. Though I shouldn't be, I still feel very nervous about publicly being bi.
Have to say, this is great to hear. As in... there are women who actually like bi guys, or more (secretly) feminine men. I do a bloody good job of manning myself up with sports and fantasy football... but I've always struggled deeply with feelings that i have to hide and bottle up my very sensitive and maybe slightly feminine-sometimes nature. Trying to be mans man and less anxious all the time is just so tiring! Great to hear that I could still be loved by a girl. Cause I'm still not sure about going full gay I plan to start experimenting soon... but I know I love women in many ways (especially the female form which I often can't take my eyes off) I do hear your warning tho and understand that you yourself are very unsure. Can I ask: where would a guy meet a girl that doesn't mind (or even likes) bi guys? Genuine question. ---------- Post added 18th Jul 2015 at 06:35 PM ---------- Ps. I'm 36. If that makes any difference.
