Questions about being gay vs. bi

I came out to myself as bisexual 5 years ago. I asked myself a powerful question - Would I regret not acting on my attraction to other guys on my death bed? That started a series of events in motion that allowed me to explore and accept my sexuality.

Even though I've had straight sex for many years, I recently came out to myself and others as gay because it's the best description of my sexual orientation. It feels closer to the truth than bisexual qualified with a Kinsey scale score 4 or 5.

The turning point comes when your desire for authenticity exceeds your shame. You realize that you can no longer deceive yourself about who you really are. You begin to feel love and pride to heal the shame. You begin to find and accept your authentic self. You are no longer afraid of the word gay or its less kind variations (homo, faggot, et al.)

 

I was about 16 when I understand that I was bi my best friend in school ( a girl ) thought that we would try something and that was the beginning of my life knowing that I was born the wrong gender

 

1) I have to admit that now I tend to avoid " straight relationships " , because everytime I was in those kind of relationships, the guys were sooo narrow-minded and tried to change me so that I would fit the norms..
Even if I know that every straight person isn't like that, it kind of disgusted me of " straight relationships "
and it's kind of my fault , because I went to people who were romantic ( which I'm not) and monagamous ( which I'm not always, it depends on the relationship ) ;_;

2) Fortunately, I've never questioned my sexuality, I've always known that I was pansexual ^^
It was an evidence for me.

 

1. i am seeking a same sex relationship even if i was in a straight relationship for 20+ years. it feels right to me.

2. i had feelings as a teen but burried them and when they came out, so to speak, last year being Bi just felt like me.:icon_bigg

 

I am married and have been for 13 years. We are generally very happy together, and we love each other a lot. I do sometimes feel some sadness that I might not be with a woman (again), but for me, I can't imagine the heartbreak I would experience leaving my life partner.

I didn't really think of myself as bi when my husband and I began dating in high school, and I did have a sexual relationship with my best (female) friend concurrent with us dating. He ticked all the boxes on my wish list of qualities for a life partner. I definitely was looking for a male partner; I don't think I could have imagined life with a ss partner back then.

So, I'm kind of odd. I've only had one real partner my whole life. I don't know that my answer helps much.

 

I feel like finding someone to share my life with, be in love with and if possible, have sex with.
What sex that person is does not really factor into the decision for me.

 

1) If I found a guy I really liked I would be okay with a straight relationship, but in general I would much prefer to be with a girl. I'm just more emotionally attracted to girls.

2) I don't really know for sure, it just started making sense to me.

 

1. No, not really, I'm 13 and therefor not really looking for any relationship, straight or not.
2. Around December-Ish I just decided to settle on what feels right to me. If you saw my orientation thingy on my profile from around late December to early msrch it was 'Pansexual, on a hunch'.

 

When I was younger, I used to think I might actually be lesbian rather than bi, and that made me desire the experience of a same-sex relationship. Plus I think there's a special sort of longing in unrequited crushes when you've never been with any girl at all before - a delicious freedom of imagination.

I've since come to accept that I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum, and that my lukewarm feelings about masculine sexuality are more about sex generally and less about masculinity in specific. My understanding of gender has also changed as time has passed, and I find that as it becomes more nuanced, what might once have been a bright line between same-sex relationships and straight ones dims and blurs.

The one thing I still hate about being in a [superficially] 'straight' relationship (one partner male-presenting, one female-presenting), though, is that feeling of 'passing', of being assumed straight, cisgendered, monogamous, even, in many contexts, religious. Sometimes it feels like a betrayal; sometimes it's just lonely.

I can't really answer this question, since I was gender-indiscriminate with my crushes from kindergarten on - long before I ever thought to label my orientation. (For asexuality, there wasn't really a specific turning point, so much as a long and gradual process of realising that other people weren't asexual.)

 

I'm #2. I would say a turning point that made me realize more then I ever have. I met this woman I can't stop thinking about. I have been in denial since I was 6. I have carried on as a straight woman since I knew.( I did kiss a girl when I was 23) And have always been unhappy in my relationships.
Crazy thing.......I am not even sure this woman is gay. I don't know much about her. As I said in another thread I met her while sick. I looked pretty awful while I was sick. And she said to me you look good. You looked good in the hospital but you look even better now. Me if I said that to someone., it would be because I was interested. I'm kicking myself in the butt now because I should have told her she looked nice also.

 

1) For bi/pansexual people - do you feel motivated to seek out same-sex relationships, or would you be okay with just being in "straight" relationships for the rest of your life? And however you answer, why do you feel that way?
I don't think so. I'm open to the idea of falling in love with a guy but am way more attracted to women. <3 <3

2) For people who've questioned their sexuality and then eventually realized you were gay or bi/pan, what was the turning point that made you stop questioning yourself?
I still kind of question myself not in terms of my attraction. I know my preferences but in terms of what to label myself to my parents when I have "that more serious conversation".

 

Hi

The only bi's I know were once married to woman and were miserable. Some multiple times. Now they swim primarily (exclusively) gay side. One prefers femme guys.

 

Honestly I've been hard core pursuing and repressing in the same vicious circle for some time. I recently came out to myself. YAYYYYY.

It was really watching gay coming out videos on You Tube, spending time on EC, and on a couple of other "coming out" web sites.

The tension in the closet was just getting too much to bear. I still have work to do but feel so much better that I can say I'M GAY.

 

I think mine came just realizing I was no longer happy in my relationship and the need to make sense of it all had just become too great. I know my biggest crushes ever have been on guys so, tho I've yet to actually date one, I figure there's gotta be something to it.

 

1) For bi/pansexual people - do you feel motivated to seek out same-sex relationships, or would you be okay with just being in "straight" relationships for the rest of your life? And however you answer, why do you feel that way?

The problem for me is, I came out later in life. I've had excessive amounts of hetero sex, and it was just ok for me. Now, I had gay sex, and it was off the charts. So yes, I feel EXTREMELY motivated to seek out gay sex. It's all I want to do. It's a whole unexplored world I never expected to encounter, and therefore it's "forbidden," alluring and all-encompassing.

But, if I had known for sure I was Bi BEFORE getting married, and had lots of gay and straight sex, maybe I could be happy with just being in a straight relationship for the rest of my life. I would have known the pros and cons before getting married, and gone in with my eyes open.

2) For people who've questioned their sexuality and then eventually realized you were gay or bi/pan, what was the turning point that made you stop questioning yourself?

I may never stop questioning myself. I think I am attracted to the person, not the gender, so I was completely surprised when I fell for a woman. I still think Brad Pitt is hot, so I think I could swing back to men if the right one came along. It is kind of humiliating. I wish I were gay or straight and not bi.

 

1. I can't really answer this since it doesn't apply to me.

2. The turning point was when I thought short term and long term. (1) I realized I definitely would not want to have sex with a woman and (2) I realized that I would want to spend the rest of my life with a guy, emotionally and sexually.

I do enjoy the company, intellect, conversation, and beauty of women, but not in a partner kind of way, more of in a friend kind of way. I am attracted to the looks of some women, but more in like an appreciative kind of way.

For guys, I enjoy pretty much everything about them. I would want to wake up next to a guy and cuddle.

 

I've felt this way on a number of occasions. People sometimes don't really believe that someone can truly be attracted to both genders, and it gets really embarrassing. Not to mention the self doubt, "What if I really am straight? What if I really am a lesbian? What would I do then?"

On topic:

1) For bi/pansexual people - do you feel motivated to seek out same-sex relationships, or would you be okay with just being in "straight" relationships for the rest of your life? And however you answer, why do you feel that way?

I didn't admit to myself that I was bi until after I was married to a man. I was trying very hard to run away from my sexuality. Now that I'm being honest with myself I can say that I'm curious about what a same-sex relationship would be like. I'd like to experience sex with a woman. (The Lord knows I've dreamed about it enough!) However I'm not seeking out those encounters because I love my husband and don't wish to damage our relationship. If something were to happen to him, I'd seek out a new partner based on things other than gender anyway. And yes, I'm happy being in a "straight" relationship for the rest of my life if it ends up being that long because I LOVE the person I'm with now. I can't imagine trading all the good things I have just because I'm curious.

2) For people who've questioned their sexuality and then eventually realized you were gay or bi/pan, what was the turning point that made you stop questioning yourself?

I've known I was... different... my whole life. But pressure from my family and religion caused me to try to fit the square peg of my life into the round hole expected of me. And I did well passing! I doubt that anyone I knew as a kid would ever have guessed that I'm different than everyone else. I just went with the flow of "normal" life until I left my parents house.

I think the real turning point for me was the week I had two friends come out to me. One confided he was gay, and the other that she was trapped in a man's body. I actually had to think about my own feelings about sexuality and gender, and over the course of a month decided that everyone loves who they love. All people deserve to feel loved.

After that time I've gradually been able to reconcile my own thoughts and inclinations. I've been able to stop beating myself up about my orientation. I've stopped trying to purge my "sinful" dreams. Over the past year (past few years for very close friends/family) or so I've started coming out people, and it's been amazing how liberated I feel.

 

Totally depends on the person with me. I have accepted and embraced my attraction to men and of course we all have our types right. So with men I usually prefer feminine men who are gay or bi and fun and down to earth and loving. I am masculine but not attracted to masculinity in other people unless it's an FTM and then it can be any range of that spectrum though feminine FTMS or FTMs that don't overcompensate are usually who I get along with best. GQ, AFAB, AMAB, etc...to me it's all good for friends and see what develops from there.

 

I have sex and relationships with men and women and identified as Bi (albeit not very openly) since I was a teenager and both felt good to me. So in a way since then I've never really questioned the fact that I'm attracted to both men and women but I have questioned what my preference might be. I think I'm more emotionally attracted to women. Sometimes I find it hard not to be one thing or the other.