My friendship is stake...I don't know why we are fighting.

I'm fighting with my friend and I'm exhausted. I can't tell if she loves me, hates me or even wants my friendship. Or if she is uncomfortable because she thinks I love her...

We've been close friends for over a year and a half. She's in her mid-thirties and has an older boyfriend of twelve years. I just noticed that she keeps little notes that I've written to her like "Have a good day" or papers that I've drawn or written on. I doodled a bunny once a year ago and I found it in her box of miscellaneous papers. (I was not snooping...she left it out on the table, I swear!)

We are both women. She likes to bring up the subject of homosexuality casually, but I can't tell whether its because she thinks I'm a lesbian and wants me to confess or whether there really isn't a secret undertone. She has a few lesbian books and graphic novels. Her parents don't respect homosexuality and got into a fight with her boyfriend who was defending it.

I fear making unfair assumptions and I have never asked her about her sexual orientation. We are friends and it doesn't matter to me:icon_bigg. (Besides she does have a boyfriend so such a question would always seem inappropriate.) But now we are in such a fight because she has become irritable with me for reasons unknown to me. It seems like everything I say bothers her so now I avoid eye contact and am very cold to her. I am about to call it quits on our friendship because I don't know what I've done wrong and she has the worst communication skills I've ever encountered in a person. I'm scared that she thinks that I am attracted to her and that it is making her very uncomfortable.

Please give me your opinions. Thank you

 

I did just this. I asked her what I had done wrong or how I could fix it. She said she doesn't have an answer for that. I asked why she seems different and she said she doesn't know.

You are right. I will give her a bit more time to come to me and then that will be it. Thank you for tough advice!

 

Re: My friendship is at stake...I don't know why we are fighting.

Thank you so much. I am trying to be strong. I just keep reminding myself that you can't lose a friend if you never had one to begin with. Thank you for helping me understand that I'm doing the right thing.

 

Thank you for your ideas. I am and have been worried that she's scared. She's been recovering from a depression. I tell her she can talk to me about anything, but I don't ask specifics. She has a habit of being very vague and unwilling to discuss.

I guess that's the problem. I'm worried about her, but there are only so many times I can approach her without risking being a nuisance. And now, I find myself less able to sympathize because she isn't treating me very nicely and is making me feel like I'm always in the way.

If she's afraid, then I shouldn't abandon her. But she's so standoffish that I'm compelled to.

 

I agree with you that that's a lovely idea! The problem is that I've done it and to no avail. :bang: I know that she reads and absorbs and then contemplates, but she doesn't respond. She has some sort of verbal blockage.

It had been almost a week since we had said more than "Hi" to each other when we finally started talking again yesterday...about simple, funny things. She seemed to really want to laugh. I don't like it though, because there is no resolution and I feel like I'm suppressing my upset.

There was one thing though, on a more serious level: She said that she feels that I worry. I responded by saying that I only worry that I am upsetting her and need to know how not to do that (ergo a resolution to our fighting). She finally told me what I can do!! She said: "Just relax." She finally answered the question...but I don't know what that means!

---------- Post added 21st Jul 2015 at 03:43 PM ----------

Oh boy, I agree. This is what I was thinking until we started speaking to each other again. It has also been pretty difficult to maintain this line of thinking because no matter how much she refuses to communicate or how snippy she is, she is still so charitable and generous with me. She has helped me lots in the financial department which makes me feel guilty. She goes out and buys the things that I like, like muffins and coconut candies, and leaves them out so I get them when I come home, all while not saying a word. Oops, I should have mentioned that we are roommates.

 

Hello, if anyone is still interested. Things have been all right between us. I am still confused, but am not as fervently considering giving up on our friendship.

I thought that I would note though, that I scribbled on a piece of paper a thank you for a show that she had taken me to a couple weeks ago. When I knew that she had already seen it, I threw it away as I was cleaning up, thinking nothing of it. Then today when I was looking for some scissors, I found it...in her bedroom. She had taken it out of the trash and kept it!

I can forgive her easily for being been snippy with me if it's because she has feelings. But I need a second opinion...Why would she keep (especially from the trash) insignificant notes from me?

 

Thank you for the input.