Club scene not my thing

I think you should pick one that seems nice to you and just go. Don't worry about being too old etc., just try it out. And if you don't like it you don't have to do it again.

 

Hey jojam,

Congratulations on taking this important step on your journey. You are still early in your journey of discovery, so you'll want to try different activities until you find the ones that work for you.

I believe there are many excellent LGBT meetups and support groups in the Chicago area that might offer you what you are looking for. There are a number of EC members from Chicago who can offer specifics.

As for the gay bar near your house, why not just go for a beer and check it out? If it's not your thing, you can walk out. Given that you've had encounters with men during your marriages, which is far more scarier, going to a gay bar is not that scary, right?

Go there tonight and let us know what happens

 

I think the main thing is to try to find a venue where you will enjoy yourself. You aren't going to make any friends somewhere where you aren't enjoying yourself. If you are in Chicago there are all sorts of gay venues. If you like to work out maybe you could find a gym that is more gay friendly--both of the gyms I have belonged to in the city were at least about half gay. If you like sports maybe you could try a gay sports bar. There's one here in Chicago that my partner and I enjoy. There are also a ton of gay sports leagues in town and I have had many friends who very much enjoyed them. As far as the age thing I would try not to worry about it. I'm in my forties and my fiancé is a hair short of his fifties and we've never felt out of place in gay bars and clubs. Depending on where you go you can definitely find places (even at night) that attract a robust mature crowd. Chicago has a ton of gay bars and clubs including one strip where you could pop into and try a good fifteen bars on a leisurely stroll. Each will have a different vibe and a different demographic. Try a few on and see which fits. Have fun!

 

Look up Meetup . com . There should be plenty in the Chicago area. Join several groups and start going to events and get comfortable! Clubs and bars are not needed anymore to meet people - which is good because they're terrible for actually meeting people and being able to hear them talk anyway.

 

stay away from the clubs and bars. nothing worthwhile there. if you want to get drunk and hit on guys 1/2 your age, then sure go there, but basically this is going to be a waste of your time. just avoid it. go to the meetups and gay groups they're better for you.

 

Just for the sake of balance I will say that I have not found the bars and clubs to be a waste of time at all--but I enjoy socializing in that setting. Over the last twenty years I've pretty much done everything you could do to meet LGBT people--charities, political organizations, meetups, clubs and parties, I led a gay book group for a while, and I was pretty active in bars and clubs (still am to some degree). I met great people in all these settings, but I will say most of my really long term gay friends (including my partner of 17 years) I met out at bars and clubs.

It certainly isn't the perfect solution for everyone and it's great that there are so many available options now, but I think a lot of people here dismiss bars and clubs out of hand in a way that isn't really fair. Just my two cents...

 

I agree with you. I'm not really into the clubbing scene anymore as I find that nightclubs are a waste of time and money as the drinks are expensive and you can't easily meet people as the music is so loud.

I don't mind going to bars and pubs to socalise as you can at least hear people talk.