Realizing I am a lesbian and getting over a broken heart with a man

If I may, I would counsel you not to spend a lot of time thinking about labels, relationships and sex right now. Just ride the wave! You're in a virtuous circle leading you up, up, up. You have extra energy that can propel you in your career and outside interests right now and everything will flow for you. You're becoming a new, stronger person and your sexual re-birth is part of that. There will always be time for introspection and diary-writing!

 

Hi my friend!

Well i am going through a similar situation... It is just horrible and i totally feel your pain. I was in a relationship with this guy for a long time and i loved him soo much given the fact that he was an amazing guy(perfect) and all, but being with him tho always felt like something was missing.like a perfect puzzle piece that just didnt fit it my picture, as hard as i tried. He ended up being the wrong guy for me not because of me but because, he cheated on me and getting over him took me a long time. TOO long to even admit (only a month ago he blocked me on social media which meant no more creeping up on him which really helped) i then stumbled upon this video of this girl coming out and she said i cant give myself to a man. and i was like oh shiiit that is so meee! anyways this opened up so many doors. Unlike you, you have met someone who you care about a woman who fills ur sexual desires and I have not. With my ex sex was great when we were making love, if it was just sex it was a bit dry and it was me just trying to give him a good time. Women are what turns me on. Now does that mean i didnt love him? no i loved him so much. I am now struggling though because i feel invalidated because i wasn't as much sexually attracted to him. Now i am struggling again because i can love and care for a man, but IDK if sexually i can be with them and that is such an important part of a relationship. Does that mean that we are bisexual? I dont know because sex for me is very important and as much as it would be easier for me, I don't feel bisexual.

my advice for you is that you have to mourn the death of your relationship it is only natural, despite of everything you clearly love this man. Who you are has nothing to do with your feelings towards him and it is more than okay to be sad and have this ache. Communicate with your current partner, maybe talk to someone and im always here so if you need a friend here I am.

 

I think it makes perfect sense to need to mourn for your long term relationship. I chose to stay in my marriage, but I did feel a pretty strong pull towards my bff after I realized I still had really strong feelings for her. I love my husband very much, I love our family, and sex it generally satisfying. I don't always feel the desire the same way for him, but I think some (most) of that is because we've been together for more than 20 years, whereas I only realized I (still) had feelings for her. I have gone through a few rounds of questioning/mourning for various parts of my relationships, but one year on, I feel more stable and (perhaps) ironically more committed to my marriage.

 

i am in a straight relationship, but I am in the closest. I have been with her for about 4 years. When I entered the relationship, I thought I was straight. But my urges for men didn't go away. I convinced myself I was bi. I believed it for some time, but now I know I am not. I understand what you mean though. Sexual chemistry is important and you can really feel the difference when you are able to be with the person you really want to be with.

I hope you don't mind, but can I ask you advice?

When you broke up, did you also come out? I am at the point where I want to end things and be the real me. Don't get me wrong, I still love and care for her, but not as a partner should. We were friend prior and I think I have been confusing a friendship with a relationship. I haven't meant to hurt her or lead her on, but I have found myself doing it.