Just need a minute to vent. As most everyone here knows Coming Out can be a emotional at times. I have one of my dearest friends who is basically a big brother to me. He is a friend of my older brother and over the years he's become an older brother of mine. He's a wonderful person. Taught me so much over the years. He has 3 boys who are my nephews. No questions about that. We've done everything together. The kid's friends were always around. Now that they are older we've all become great friends. My friend has a nephew that lives with him also that has become a friend. As you know sometimes the hardest people to tell your Gay are the closest to you. One night my friend was away and I was dog sitting for him. They have a great house on the North Shore if Boston. I decided to have a few drinks. Ok maybe more than a few. Friends nephew comes home. We talk and ICome Out to him. Later that week we have dinner and on of the sons friends join us. Fast forward to last Monday. I finally summon the courage to Come Out to my friend. He was super. Told him the whole story and who I told. Also told him he could tell the boys. This is where the problems start. The youngest son who is 21 has trust issues and is pissed at the nephew and the other friend I told before telling them. Saturday Night I'm out at the movies and my phone starts to blow up. All kinds of drama because of who knew before who. I'm on the phone for hours just talking with people about everything. I have breakfast with the son that is upset. He just can't understand why I would tell someone outside of his immediate family before I toll his father. I tried to explain to him there is no Guide to Coming Out. Also, That I tried to tell his father earlier but lost my nerve. He didn't care. Told me I'm a jerk and I betrayed him and his dad, who btw has assured my the is absolutely no issues at all. Nothing has changed. On a positive note had an hour and a half conversation with the middle son and he almost got me to cry he was so caring. Don't ask me why I'm sharing I just need to vent. THANK YOU all so much. Don't know where I'd be in this process if it weren't fot EC.
sounds like the 21 y/o is just masking his feelings of your coming out with the drama about how you decided to tell. i think it has nothing to do with that but has everything to do with how he feels about it. the whole, "how could you tell others before you told us" part if a smokescreen i think. he will settle in with it. it will just take time.
I agree that things will probably settle down soon enough. It's not at all uncommon that the people who are closest to you are the last to know (in theory), because the stakes are so much higher in telling them. On the other hand, I have a close family friend and neighbor who was perfectly fine with it when my wife and I first told her I am gay, but now she has done a complete turnaround and is bad-mouthing me to anyone she can find who will listen (not many). I don't know why she's so angry or feels it's any of her business, but there we are. You can't please all the people all the time.
I only wish it were the fact that he was upset because I Came Out. I believe there are underlining issues that he won't deal with. I love and care about him, I just worry he's heading down a road that won't be good.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that 50ishandout. Is there any chance the upset son is gay? Because that seems like a possible explanation for all the drama that he caused...
SiennaFire It has crossed my mind. The ironic thing is we all believe the oldest so is gay. The 21 year old told me he knows that the oldest isn't gay. That struck me as odd, why he would bring that up during the conversation we had. If he is I would hope he knows I'd be there for him if he ever wanted to talk
