So, after not being really able to sleep and eat the last few days I'm seriously considering telling my boyfriend of 8 years that I think I'm gay.(autocorrect told me two times in a row that I'm not gay but bay, so I might reconsider ) But after feeling down as f.... and not being able to concentrate the whole day, now these utopic fantasies started popping up in my mind, that my boyfriend will be eventually ok with it, or even better, he would be in love with some girl (or guy) and they would be happy and he would get what he really wanted, they could have children and all, and I would be also really happy and free and would finally start being responsible for myself and to accept myself and would finally discover what I really want, and act out of love, not fear, and we could stay best friends, and go out for beer or whatever, and hug or even kiss each other (though maybe hugging would be enough ). And all would be beautiful and everybody would be their truest self . And rainbows and unicorns Do you think I've gone completely crazy, or is it possible that we could live in a world like this?
UGH that would really be the ideal situation right? where exes can be friendly. I believe that it may happen never say never but don't expect it to be like this. my ex and i broke up for different reasons other than sexuality and even though i still wanted to be friends that never happened and he has erased me from my life completely
Hey TeaTree, you revived my thread yesterday but unfortunately I'm not a good example of how to deal with this situation in a healthy way. What I'd recommend you before telling him though is to know what you want, e.g. I think I'm gay and I want to have an open relationship. / I want to break up with you / etc.... If you tell him just A without telling him B he could take it less seriously. And remember, speak up and stand up for yourself if necessary. (*hug*)
Yeah, that's why I named this utopic...But I really need to infuse some faith into myself, and after thinking the whole day about catastrophic outcomes, I thought I needed to record these happy thoughts somewhere Me and my bf were and are very close, and I can't imagine losing that... Really sorry about your ex (*hug*) I want to believe though - like agent Mulder :icon_bigg
The problem is he's actually still not my ex. I can totally relate to your situation, so please don't make that mistake to stay with him just because you can't imagine to lose him as your best friend. Sooner or later it'll make you even more miserable, believe me. Look at me, one year later I'm here, trying to come out to my bf for the second time and hating myself even more. :eusa_doh:
Hey Paris, thanks for your reply, yeah, I felt a little bad about reviving your thread, when I realised it might not be a topic you'do want to talk about and I completely get it, sorry about that (*hug*) Your advice sounds really good, it makes sense to clear up in my mind what I want before I'll open my mouth about this. Thing is, I'm getting into this vicious cycle where I feel guilty by not telling and I cannot think clearly because of the guilt. Anyway, this was a sunny moment before, otherwise I've been contemplating all day about the end of my world as we know it and such... But now I have the feeling that I'm not gonna tell him for a while because I have this obsession that I want to be sure...that I'm gay, that I'll be able to live without him, that I bought a parachute, I don't know. .. Open relationship sounds good, but not sure that would help. I might need to be alone to figure myself out... ---------- Post added 20th Jul 2015 at 09:27 PM ---------- Yeah, sorry for the confusion, my first reply was for benefit25, it was about her ex And I'm really sorry about you and your bf...I know it' easier to daydream about stories of being best friends forever than jumping into some big changes. Sometimes I think all this anxiety I have is just some kind of addiction, if it would be like with cigarettes I would just put down these thinking patterns and go for my desires...It would suck for a few days, but then everybody would be happier...
I wouldn't recommend that much either. It took me a year to be sure, a whole year of guilt, suffering in silence and pretending everything's okay. Then I came out to him but couldn't tell him I'm gay (I feel more on the male side so my attraction to women makes me actually more straight than gay so telling I'm gay sounds like a lie), and tried to break up with him but couldn't do it at that point; what a mistake. Looking back, 2 yrs ago I should've told him: I'm questioning and I need take a break to figure it out.
Ah, and good luck with the second coming out and please don't hate yourself, you don't deserve it (*hug*) ---------- Post added 20th Jul 2015 at 09:50 PM ---------- Unfortunately I'm an expert in daydreaming and I dreamt away most part of my life (ok, there were stuff happening for real as well, but I wasn't really present a lot). So again, this is a habit I should address, and I'm a bit afraid after years and years of living from others imagined perspective and approval seeking how easy it is to check back with my own self. This is what therapy should be for I guess, and as soon as I'll find an English speaking therapist around here (hopefully more or less open minded one) I'll start working on these issues, and I think that's a good way to start...
I think daydreaming is a way how to escape reality so maybe in order to stop that habit you just need to change your reality first, find some reality that'll make you want to be really present in it.
