33 year old coward

I don't think you're a coward at all! People go at their own pace and if you aren't ready then well, you aren't ready!

I wish I had an amazing supportive story for you but life is complicated like that so I really don't.

You need to be happy and true to yourself and do what's best for you...

 

This is what I have to say to that......


(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

Im sorry to hear that. My girlfriend hasn't told her family. Same situation and her parents aren't in good health. My family knows because my husband told them out of anger when he first found out bc he didn't know what else to do with the upset. My family is and always has been very liberal and open (my sister has a good friend from high school, who has always been openly gay and him and his husband were at her wedding and she was there at his), and I have a 2nd cousin who is a married lesbian. My family is fine with it but we don't really talk about it, this is also newer for me.

I don't really have any advice, other than that I am the girlfriend whose partner hasn't told her family, and though I wish her family could know and be supportive (and may be someday) Im completely fine and supportive of whatever she is comfortable with and will continue to be. This is newer for us so we are taking it one day at a time.

On the other hand, sometimes Ive seen people who are extremely conservative about a topic until it affects one of their own. (abortion, gay relationship, etc). They know EVERYTHING about the topic and will tell anyone who will listen their close-minded opinion until it affects one of their own, and then there is a change of heart. This was true of my best friend and her parents opinion of abortions. Until she became pregnant at 16 and was going to have one, abortions were the end-all to her conservative parents. This may or not be the case, and I understand why you are afraid but sometimes people can have a change of heart if it affects someone they love.

Good luck whatever you decide.

 

I don't think you are cowardly. It takes a lot of courage to just show up there knowing you are going to hear things that are against the life you lead. You will tell them when the pain of them not knowing gets stronger than the pain of telling them. Until then, try not to worry!

 

" You will tell them when the pain of them not knowing gets stronger than the pain of telling them. Until then, try not to worry!"

I love this bi2me

---------- Post added 27th Jul 2015 at 08:24 PM ----------

" You will tell them when the pain of them not knowing gets stronger than the pain of telling them. Until then, try not to worry!"

I love this bi2me

 

You are not alone this was me not to long ago. I came out 6 yrs ago I am 39 and it was scary thought through the yrs but when I decieded to be me not matter who thinks what. When I became a priority above everyone else, that I deserve this to live a life a happy one then it was easy. I do wish you luck and huggs to you everyone has there own journey to battle hopefully this will help you in some way huggs

 

Hugs to you. Some of us just cannot find the right space to come out

 

I came out to my Jehovah's Witness mom this year. Her faith does, in no way, agree or support the lgbt community. If you want to become a JW and you are lgbt you have to 'become straight' and admit to yourself that you are sick and want to get better. I think this is despicable. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Anyway..

My mom has never really been tolerant of the lgbt community. She can't even watch Ellen bc she's openly gay and proud of it. The week before coming out to her we were watching Will and Grace (not sure why that show is ok and Ellen isn't but..) and Will has super quick peck of a kiss with another man and she loudly said, "EW! What else is on!" And changed the channel.

Like Bi2Me said, the pain of not telling her outweighed the pain of what she may think or say to me. So I told her. I was scared out of my mind. And while the look on her face was shock it wasn't disgust. She asked me a few questions and I answered them. But what really stood out to me was when she said, "Well, I love you no matter what. I don't think you're sick. You were born this way." I couldn't have been happier.

We are still close and talk everyday. She doesn't treat me any differently, but she never asks about that part of my life. I know it makes her uncomfortable. So I don't bring it up either. It's a work in progress. But I'm so happy I told her.

I told her bc I didn't want to keep that part of me swept under the rug any longer. I wanted to honer myself and be as authentic as possible. I decided that this is the year of Aubrey and I am celebrating everything about me. Even if some people don't like it. I've gotten to the age (30) where I don't really care what people think of me. I'm not hurting anyone and I'm happy being who I am. And that's the life I want to lead. Letting everyone in my life know I am bi was more for me than anyone else.

I hope this helped in some way. And I hope you tell your parents when you are ready. Just remember there is no perfect time to come out.

I wish you all the best! (*hug*)

Aubrey

 

Every situation is different. You are not a coward. Not at all. The parent situation is hard to deal with. I haven't even dealt with the idea yet-not my sister or parents. I figure the time will come, that's what I've been hearing and reading.

 

I agree with the others. No coward would be out to themselves, have a relationship with someone, and ask strangers online for help.

Have you tried testing the waters? Listening to their reactions towards the gay marriage issue? Or you could bring up someone you know and see how they respond to that.

Assuming you're an independent adult, you could always tell them flat-out. They might come around or they might not, but at least they won't be able to kick you out or something.

 

Hmm, it seems unlikely that they haven't figured it out if you've been living with this woman for 7 years and take holidays together. It almost seems like their homophobic attitudes are a form of denial of the fact that you're clearly gay. When you do decide to come out to them, they may drop some of that attitude as it's no longer able to serve as a shield to the reality.

 

No need to make yourself feel bad by calling yourself a "coward". Nobody wants to upset the people they love, which is why you haven't come clean with your family. But then, they are upsetting you by saying all those things about homosexuals. So however bad it may feel to them, consider how bad it's been for you, hearing them talk like that.

Do you still have this letter? Does it cover everything you want to tell your family about yourself? Maybe it would help to put more of your thoughts into writing. You don't even have to give it to your family if you don't want to, but just putting all your thoughts into writing might help give you that courage you're looking for to admit your sexuality to your family. Write about how much you love and respect your family. Write about their opinions towards same sex marriage, and how you disagree with them. Perhaps most importantly, write about your relationship with your partner and your own attitude towards homosexuality and why you feel you are on the right path for yourself, regardless of what any one else says.

 

First off.

(*hug*)


Second you're not a coward at all.


This third bit might be more a caution than any real advice.

Depending on how late in life your parents are, waiting might make the choice for you. I can already tell when my folks are having "worse days" (they're both mid-late 70s) and to be honest I just sort of know that I'll never have the talk I should have had.

I don't know if this helps or hurts, but there it is.

PC