Confused

Hello Lmwanninger, welcome to EC. It's quite understandable how you feel but there's no need to be scared, it's a blessing to figure out who we are and to be true to ourselves no matter how late in life. There are many people here on the forum willing to listen and help so feel free to post more. (*hug*)

 

Welcome

Finally accepting these feelings at a later stage can be very daunting ( I came out to myself at 32 as gay). But I'm here to tell you that it's also exceptionally liberating once you make peace with it. There's nothing wrong about your feelings and nothing unnaceptable about acting on them.

 

I am 32 and came out about 6 months ago, with my best friend (we had a strong emotional relationship before anything was physical and realizing the feelings we had). Both of us were married for several years and have children. Neither of us had happy marriages. We are still in the "not everyone knows" phase bc we know its shocking but some people who do know have all handled it well. We are happy with it and I finally feel at peace with my life.

 

47? So young.

 

I too was told from birth till in my early 20's that being anything other than straight was a sin. I can relate to you there, for sure.

I was never really scared about being different. It was nothing if not awkward for me though. I was ashamed too. Even embarrassed for myself.

I finally left the religion that made me feel like scum every chance it got and started looking inward.

I have never been happier than I am now. I know who I am. Well, I'm sure I will continue to discover more about myself as the years go by, but I, at least, have this bi thing down. I love myself so much more now. And I feel like the people I love can love me more now too now that I don't have a wall up anymore.

I guess my advice to you would be to become brave. Look at your feelings. Face those thoughts and desires head on. I think you'll find that it's not that scary after all.

Write about your feelings. Find a therapist and do some talk therapy if you think it'll help. In my experience holding it in or holding it back and not dealing with it makes it that much worse. I would invite you to give these feelings you're having a voice. Be your own vindicate. Make this the year of you. That's what I did. And I'm all the better for it. Honestly, you won't regret looking inward, figuring some things out, getting in touch and loving yourself more. I promise.

I hope this helped. I wish you all the best! And please continue to post on EC. It's a great place with lovely and accepting people. Also, you can't beat the support you'll feel here. (*hug*)

Aubrey

 

I'm 42 and I just started working this out within the past year, but started in earnest these past two months, after all but refusing to date for the past 20 years. I've recently begun therapy and it has been very helpful. I too came from a religious background the denial was (and I expect still is) strong with me. I don't have loads of people in my life I can speak to at length about this (although, thankfully, I do have supportive people), so having a therapist I can babble to has helped me put words to my feelings in a safe space. There is no rush, to figure all this out, the important thing is that you've started.

 

There are people going through the same thing. I'm so glad I found this site. And I'm very glad it has an over 35 area on it.

 

It took me a long time to finally accept who I am. It's still a struggle some days, but there is a light that is getting brighter. As soon as you figure out who you truly are, everything else will fall into place.

 

Me too, it would be hard to only have the stories of the kiddos to reflect on, it is a very different experience at age of 40+ to begin to come to terms with your long repressed sexuality than it is to come to terms with it at age 15.

 

The trick for me was to start becoming consciously aware of what the voice inside of me which made me feel like my desires were wrong was saying. And it was saying stupid shit like: you can't be attracted to her! She's a woman.
No shit little voice, hence I'm gay. Once I started paying attention and shut the automatic inner criticism down whenever it cropped up I started to feel less guilty about things like checking a girl out in public etc. I really just had to keep reminding myself that my feelings were natural and normal because of my sexuality.

I hope that helps a bit.

 

I think that meetups are a very safe, low key venue to meet like minded people. As long as it's a big one...maybe 20 or more people meeting so that you can have a way to mingle and avoid uncomfortable 1:1 interactions that might pop up. Find your people - Meetup sign up for free search for gay lgbt lesbian etc in your area I've now been to a couple on my own and everyone is very accepting. St. Louis should have a few

 

I'm 44, married, and in much the same boat. I've known for years that I'm attracted to both men and women. At different times I've been able to approach some kind of inner acceptance of that fact. The problem is that every single time I've acted on those feelings I feel miserable and it puts me right back into the closet. I'm tired of living lies and I just want to accept myself for who I am. My wife knows and she has no problems with it (I plan on staying monogamous), but this inner misery has got to go.

 

It’s definitely different for an older person to come out then a young person because you have built a life around the idea that you were straight-with varying levels of repression-for many years. There is definitely a lack of online resources about this, that’s for sure…or resources in general.

 

I guess in the "not straight" sense it is, but it is also different than being monosexual (grouping heterosexual and homosexual together) because the desires and wants/needs can be different.