1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How soon do I need to let someone know I'm a newb?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Sue Baloo, Aug 1, 2015.

  1. Sue Baloo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2015
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Des Plaines (Chicago)
    I am pretty confident in my sexuality, and I think I blend in well with other lesbians and gay men too, without even trying, which brings up the issue, at what point am I supposed to let people know that I am a newb? It shouldn't be a big deal I would think, but sometimes people will crack jokes, and it makes me realize it might matter to some. I don't want to deceive people, but I don't want to be judged before people get to know me either. :confused:
     
  2. MelonBurrito

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2015
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lancaster
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    From Des Plaines! Hello from a former Chicagoan. :slight_smile:

    But what do you mean you are a Newb? Like....freshly out of the closet?

    If that is the case...I'd say that if it naturally comes to conversation, talk about it. Or if it is something that you feel you should say before people meet you, then tell them. The correct people wont judge you, and these people will help you bring your confidence. If someone cracks a joke...just remember, it's a joke. :slight_smile: It's meant for fun....try to roll with it, let go of the self judgement and self analysis.
     
  3. Sue Baloo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2015
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Des Plaines (Chicago)
    Thank you. :grin: I only came out to my kid's dad a little over a year ago...so it's even new to me. It took me falling head over heels (though it didn't last) with a woman during that time, for me to finally realize that I was gay and didn't need someone else to tell me. But now it just feels right, like there is no adjustment to make, coming out was what was missing all of these years. I hope that makes sense.

    Thanks for the advice, It is perfect, and I use it in my life usually, but I guess I find myself more vulnerable in this arena. My experience so far is online communities, with pissing contests over who is the most gay. I stopped spending time with thoise people for my own sanity. When my kids go back to school, I need to branch out in real life. :wink:
     
  4. MelonBurrito

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2015
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lancaster
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    When I lived in Chicago there were a lot of great places to go to meet people. There was this cute little dive bar I want to say on Halstead....kind of close to this epic mexican food place...but that was over 4 years ago >.<

    But it was still kind of hard for me to meet people just by going out.

    I met my first ex at my job when I worked at Starbucks and it was magical my experience with him...just not having to go online to find a boyfriend....it was so refreshing. But we gay people are hard to find just out and about at random.

    Do you have any friends that might go out with you?
     
  5. Sue Baloo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2015
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Des Plaines (Chicago)
    No friends that live around here. Maybe I'll meet some when my classes start at the end of the month. That's my hope. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Moonflower

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2015
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philadelphia, PA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I too am worried about that- about being "newly out." I will be truthful about it and I refuse to be ashamed. I've done enough punishing myself. If people are going to be jerks about it, I don't need them in my life because I'm through with negativity. But the advice about having a sense of humor about it and not being overly sensitive about is valuable, too.
    As for meeting people, I'm so glad I've heard about the "meetups" thing. I've always preferred trying to meet in real life rather than the online thing.
     
  7. Sue Baloo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2015
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Des Plaines (Chicago)
    yeah, real life is the only way that I am really interested. I had an online girlfriend. I thought I was in love, and she was the person who made me finally realize that I was gay and rejoice in the fact. One of the problems with online dating, is it makes it too easy to make the other person into your ideal, when they actually aren't. It takes awhile before you catch that you warped your own perspective. That was my experience at least. And body chemistry, with out even touching, when you first meet someone in person that you connect with, is unbeatable. :grin:

    and I just want to meet lesbians at meet ups for friends. I want to be part of the local community. I have so much other stuff I am working on in my life right now, that a relationship would be too much of a distraction. It's all easier said then done of course, when I have no one that I am interested in presently. lol.
     
  8. Logan40

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2015
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chicago
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hello fellow Chicagoan! Let me know what you find in the way of meet-ups. I haven't yet found much. I reached out to one group a while back to ask if they were still active, but nobody has replied, so I assume they are not.