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Stares...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SPANGLE, Aug 1, 2015.

  1. SPANGLE

    SPANGLE Guest

    I've been in a loving stable relationship for over a year now and things are going great. However, my partner is the ultimate Tomboy and I'm the complete opposite. When we're out together people just stare, does this ever get uncomfortable for anyone else?
     
  2. Lipstick Leuger

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    Yes, I am a Femme, and my partner is hard Butch. We get stares, rude comments, and downright hostile behavior at times. It does not usually happen when I am around or near, but often when I am going to the bathroom, or off in another aisle in the Supermarket and look back in time to see men give my partner dirtly looks or snicker or anything like that.

    Just ignore it, it's best to walk away and ignore it. I carry Pepper Spray for safety in case someone steps over the line and tries to harm one of us.
     
  3. PULCHRA

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    I'm relatively new to all of this but I'll share something that happened earlier today. We were in Whole Foods together and I was reading the label of something while she was grabbing something else. Then out of nowhere she came up behind me wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her chin on my shoulder to read the label with me. I was okay with it but the "stares" were unbelievable. I left feeling like we were inappropriate or did something wrong. She's been out for awhile so her IDGAF attitude helps me. Keep your head up and be proud of yourself and the woman that you love! (*hug*)
     
    #3 PULCHRA, Aug 1, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2015
  4. SPANGLE

    SPANGLE Guest

    Wow, thanks for sharing! We had a conversation about carrying pepper spray as well...

    ---------- Post added 1st Aug 2015 at 06:42 PM ----------

    These experiences cause me to stop and think about how other groups must feel when individuals stare at and or discriminated against them. It's not a good feeling; society can be mean!
     
  5. RainbowBright

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    I think that sounds like a really nice moment. You certainly didn't do anything wrong! You were just being a couple, like all the other couples in the store (well, like the nice couples, who weren't busy fighting, anyway). Would you think they did anything wrong if you saw a straight couple doing that? Should they be carted off to jail for showing that they care about each other? Since when is love a crime? I would think we should all be encouraged to show love toward other human beings as much as possible, given that it is becoming the norm to bring a machine gun in to public spaces and open fire to kill as many people out of hate as possible. When you consider the two crimes, which is bigger, right?

    Anyway, my own personal rant aside, I think that the more people see loving embraces like yours, the more they can see same sex love as LOVE, and as normal, not all of the negative things they associate it with. Don't assume all stares are negative. Sometimes people just forget themselves, but a lot of them might go home and think about it, talk to their family about it, say how nice it was, maybe even a few will be encouraged to come out themselves because such a nice normal experience is possible in a same-sex relationship and they never saw it before. Maybe they will go home and talk to their LGBTQ kid and say, "You know, I just saw this lesbian couple, and they seemed so much in love and so normal, it made me think maybe you can be happy and have a life like this too..." I admit I have stared myself sometimes, not out of hostility, but simply out of "There are other gay women here??!" (a.k.a. YAY!) But the look on my face probably just looks startled, or like I am staring too long and too closely at people like a creep (how embarrassing).

    The more people see open loving exchanges between people who don't fit their concepts of mainstream couples, the fewer stares there will be, and the more love in general will itself become mainstream. It was once like that for interracial couples (and still is in some places), or for people who were minorities of any kind not even in a couple but just existing on the daily in their neighborhood. Showing love (not skanky tongue-down-throat action in the tortilla aisle, lol!) in public is a kind of positive activism which anyone can be proud to engage in. As I said, it's a lot better than the various types of hate and cruelty which are becoming more common in our society. We all as humans could benefit from seeing a lot more hugging, in general!

    The more same-sex PDA people have, the less people will stare in future. Be proud. (I'll be you anything a lot of straight people are staring at you and wishing they had what you have, because they are just lonely.)
     
  6. SPANGLE

    SPANGLE Guest

    @RainbowBright well said! We truly believe that the stares will lessen over time.
     
  7. PULCHRA

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    Agreed... I'm proud of who I am and I don't plan on offering any apologies! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride: :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride: :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride: :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  8. bi2me

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    I'm probably a stare-er too. I get this urge to come out to queer people, which I realize is totally inappropriate for people I don't know, but sometimes they are just so adorable as couples and I look totally straight with the husband and kids...
     
  9. Moonflower

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  10. Leifa

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    I try not to stare...but I do because it makes me happy to see people so comfortable. I also think its adorable but that's beside the point....
     
  11. skiff

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    Anybody who stares fears and is evaluating risk (curious). Fight, flight or ignore in slow motion.

    Not the brightest bulbs.
     
  12. ChloeKiss

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    They're just jealous of your partner! That's rude of them though! What because they can't get a gf they get angry at your partner? Grow up I say. I've seen you call yourself a conventionally attractive woman somewhere awhile ago.. Men tend to love feminine women and think butches are nasty (no offense) so maybe because your partner is butch and has you their egos get massively bruised. Yes best to ignore but don't hesitate to tell them off if they go overboard with it :lol:
     
  13. Chicagoblue

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    On the other hand, it could be just something that most people in most venues are not accustomed to seeing AND it probably looked hot, sweet, tender.
     
  14. Lyana

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    It's something a lot of us are going to experience. Stares haven't really bothered me so far with my girlfriend, but I do tend to be very aware of the people around us when we get touchy-feely in public. It doesn't stop either of us, because we aren't doing anything wrong, and I hope some people seeing us will realize it's okay. We're here, and it's okay.

    I know that when I see a same-gender couple in the wild, it makes me happy for them. I don't stare, but I do sneak several peeks until they're out of sight. Because it's always pleasant to see people who aren't afraid. And if holding my girlfriend's hand means I'm giving that feeling to other people -- even if it means some people will stare --, well, I'm absolutely fine with that.
     
  15. Lin1

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    I am guilty of staring at LGBT couples but that's only because I find them absolutely adorable (but then again I feel the same way about most couples) :slight_smile:
     
  16. EastCoastGrl

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    I am affectionate in public with my wife. (In a totally appropriate way) We live in a very liberal city , with a big gay and lesbian population, and we do not face much, if any negative reactions, such as staring.

    Do you live in a conservative city?
     
  17. Thirdtimecharm

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    I must admit, like others, I am guilty of staring because I find the love shared between same sex couples to be amazingly beautiful and inspiring. They are just adorable, I love it.
     
    #17 Thirdtimecharm, Aug 4, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2015