I feel like I'm right back in the same old rut again. I don't have the balls to come out to my wife yet I can't live like this. I can't stand the situation I'm in yet I can't imagine being away from my kids. I have people around me constantly yet the loneliness is killing me. If only I could find a way out that wouldn't destroy everyone around me and rip everyone's life apart. Some days I feel like ending my life and just letting them get on with theirs. After all it's me that has lied them into this mess. What will they think of me if come out? I will be nothing more then just another lying, cheating, dysfunctional, faggot that everyone will now hate. I have worked so hard to go from a kid in school that was bullied day in and day out, with no friends, to the man I am now with friends and family. If I loose that I might as well be dead. I just want the pain to end. I want to be at peace for once in my life. I want to come on here and actually have something good to write here. But I guess it is not to be. Maybe in another life.
Well there's isn't really a way to get out without some collateral damage. My relationship recently ended due to this issue (among other probs), and I have children as well. The longer you wait, its only gonna get more agonizing. You just have to try and let them know that it is not your intent to hurt them but to keep living with it all bottled in, it builds resentment over time ---------- Post added 4th Aug 2015 at 06:37 PM ---------- I don't mean resentment to the kids, but to your gf/wife. My ex moved out and we have to sort things out with the girls as far as time spent with each of us. The one good thing is my 3 girls and I are very close and they've known for quite some time about my attractions. That at least took some of the sting out of it all. Its worse to the children to have lied about it than to have just been honest. And if they're like my children, they would want their Dad happy.
I'm so sorry you are hurting; I think of you often. Maybe it helps a bit to know that there are others going through this now, and those who've gone through it in the past and are now feeling relief on the other side. Take things one day at a time. somehow you'll make it, you really will.
When the pain of doing nothing eceeds your fear you will act. Knowing it is inevitable may improve the timeline.
I've been in almost the exact same place. Trying to figure out how to come out to wife and kinds. Lonely. Hurting. Things are getting better for me if its any consolation. The fact that you're on this board asking, begging for guidance is a sign that you're a good person.
Jrockcold please don't do anything to end your life!! I can tell you are a loving, caring guy wanting to "do right" by your family. To be direct there comes a point that you have to do right by yourself (hope that makes sense). I struggled with feeling so selfish about this until I just couldn't stand it anymore and came out to my wife... it was rough but some better now... asked for a divorce etc but back in a rut again as still living together due to finances. Hope that you tell that I sense your frustration but to the point, nothing is worth taking your life!!! (*hug*)
Hi Jrockcold I understand the torment you're going through, but there's no easy way or right time to tell your wife and kids. If you can't be honest with your wife who can you be honest with. I tried to pass subtle hints for weeks to my wife and I kept waiting for the right moment to sit her down and tell her face to face that I was gay. The situation was driving me mad and many moments passed by and still I didn't tell her. Then one day I had enough and sat her down and told her. You will feel much better when you come out, eventhough you will be faced with a mixture of emotions and endless questions for a while. At the minute you're life is like a pressure cooker and you need to tell her so that you release the pressure and lift that enormous weight of your shoulders. You need to be strong for yourself and your kids and in a time they will respect you and your honesty. I realise the situation is difficult but there's no easy solution, I wish there was.Wishing you all the best and I'll be thinking of you. (*hug*) ---------- Post added 12th Aug 2015 at 12:26 PM ---------- Hi Jrockcold "You've worked hard" so dont give up, work even harder and go to the next step
Please don't do anything to hurt yourself, Jrockcold. Not only because you deserve to live, but because you have children, and speaking as someone whose father committed suicide, NOTHING can be worse than that. They might be angry about their father being gay, but it is NOTHING compared to the pain they would feel if they lost you. Please please get some professional help if this something you really feel. Please. Reach out and get help. Please.