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What keeps people going?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Lone Dragon, Aug 6, 2015.

  1. Lone Dragon

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    I didn’t really know where to put this post.

    Not trying to sound like a sad story, but lately I've been gettting these thoughts in my head of what am I doing with my life. I know it’s such a cliché saying, but is this what life is all about? Have a decent childhood, go off to college, get a job and live on your own, etc. There are some hobbies that keep me sane. I never had a ton of friends and depending on others has never been a big deal for me. I don’t know I guess I just imagine this fantasy world where cosmic things happen every day.

    Granted I still haven’t come out to really anybody, so my life kind of feels like it’s not real to me. I don't know I’ve just been thinking about all those vile regrets. Would coming out make things drastically better even though I lied about myself so far in life?

    I was just wondering what makes people excited about life every day as we get older. Is life supposed to have meaning, or do we exist soulfully for our own enjoyment? Am I only thinking this because I’m still struggling to accept myself?:confused:

    Sorry for all the questions.
     
  2. MZRaven

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    IT is too bad this is a older post as i totally understand the feeling. IT does become harder to want to get excited about waking up when you are old and live alone. When you get older things go wrong with your body and you do not have as much free money as you did when you were young. So that does not help. Everyone needs a reason to wake up in the morning.
     
  3. DeadheadPride

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    I went through a time when I was depressed, and I felt worthless, and I actually tried to kill myself. But I thought about the little things I love. The bright green grass, monarch butterflies. I moved on to bigger things, like skyscrapers, then to the biggest things, like the beautiful Rocky Mountains and the way the Aspen trees shimmer in the fall breeze, and then I thought about the people who I love and who love me. To this day, that's what keeps me alive.
     
  4. Moonflower

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    I'm starting to think the meaning is in the journey...that everyone's journey is different. What gives my life meaning is my art. Art gives meaning to my life because it allows me to be creative, explore my feelings, make meaning and create and image or painting that communicates a message to my audience. I like knowing that a painting or a story can still communicate on my behalf long after I'm gone. I know that discovering my artistic side was key in giving my life meaning-and from talking to other artists, I know I am definitely not alone in that. Even though I don't make a full time living from art as of yet, it adds so much to my life.
     
  5. skiff

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    Liiving in closet has its limitations. Suffocating.

    If you want a limo stop buying VW's.
     
  6. angeluscrzy

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    My kids keep me going. If not for them, I don't know how I'd keep going sometimes.
     
  7. TeaTree

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    All my life I've been on the melancholic/depressive side, in my teens and early 20s I isolated myself away from others or felt like some kind of intruder in all life because I considered myself less, that something is wrong with me and so on.

    But after a few years of soul searching I started to realize that the only difference between me and "others" was this adopted perspective of not being enough, which has nothing to do with reality, it's only a mental setup.

    I believe that some of us got in a way or another caught in this mental programming that we are less, that we are not enough -childhood, parents, temperament, luck, who knows- and we continue to torture ourselves mentally and fail to realize we are all enough and unique and amazing people.

    I'm also in look for the magic switch which would throw me back in the deserving and life loving state when I'm down :slight_smile:
    And I used to feel guilty also for feeling down :slight_smile:

    But since my so called realization that my own misery and happyness really lies in my perspective which I can change because it's only a perspective, a way of looking at things, not the things themselves, since then life became somewhat different, a ton of baggage has fallen off my imaginary shoulders.

    And yeah, as Moonflower said, the meaning is in the journey. And my journey now is about finding out what I really like in life not what others would approve of.

    And there is no difference in meaning if you're older or younger, I think. When I was in my 20s I considered myself too old for many things which I started doing now in my 30s. When I was 25 I thought I'm too old to go to music festivals. Now I cannot wait to go to some.
    I feel so much more myself now than back then :slight_smile:
     
  8. Molly1977

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    The only advice I can say is look for the positives in everything you do. I know its difficult but try to find little things that are good about everyday life even if it is something small like talking to a friend or buying yourself a little prezent.

    I do comepletly understand that it is difficult to keep going but try not to compare yourself to other people, everyone may seem as if they have it completely figured out but they don't. Also there is never a right time to do anything if everyone waited until the "right" time to do something noone would do anything. Look at where you are today and value and respect what you have and what you have achieved.

    Life does have meeting but only if we acknowledge what we have done / achieved and try to live our lives the correct way for ourselves. There is a lot to be said for the phrase "make good choices" but make good chouices for yourself and be true to your own values and you will find your own way in life.
     
  9. SiennaFire

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    Life is a journey of discovery, and it is what you make of it. What do you want out of life? Career success? To get married? A family? Lots of sex?

    There is nothing wrong with enjoyment, but it's one piece of the puzzle. Achievement is about setting goals and making them happen. Fulfillment is achieving goals that are meaningful and aligned with your values and enjoying each day along the journey.

    Sounds like you are still accepting yourself as gay. Can you share with us how you are still struggling to accept yourself?
     
    #9 SiennaFire, Aug 7, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2015
  10. Chicagoblue

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    Some friends, my work, my hobbies keep me going. Married but almost like we're roommates. EC helps too as I'm trying to figure out how to change my life without completely wrecking it.
     
  11. Lone Dragon

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    Thanks to everyone for their input, it really means a lot.

    It's the saying its about the journey and not the destination. My contemplation is just about the journey and I should just embrace it..

    Yeah I’m coming to realize that, feels like a heavy burden. It takes time I’m hoping.

    Family helps me a lot too, been there for me when I needed them. I just feel my relationship with them could be so much better than living a lie to them.

    I guess in a sense self-worth comes from within and not others. I like to say I’m a big kid at heart so I’d like to believe that you should do what you love regardless of what people say. I really need to stop caring what other people think and just live.

    Look at the positive and not the negative in life has always been my demon. I love many things, but I seem to live and think about the darkness more. Comparisons are something I swore I’d never do, but find myself creeping into that. I understand though that everyone has a different journey and we all aren’t meant to live the same life or life would really be boring.

    I was never one of those kids who had this magical dream of being this type of success story. I’m in a sense still trying to find what I love to do in life. Faltering around with big bucks and success has never meant much to me. Obtaining happiness and not having the littlest things bother me probably mean more to me than anything at the moment. Having sex and being in a relationship isn’t really my thing, I rather just have good company. I guess I’m still struggling to just enjoy the people in my life, find what I love to do and love myself.

    With regards to your question I think my struggle is more on the mental side. I tend to over think situations and put being gay along with a negative connotation. Maybe I’ve made friends with the wrong people growing up or maybe I’m still naive and always wanted to fit in this world and instead of just accepting everyone uniqueness. And not bashing myself all the time.

    EC has helped in a big way in figuring things out. It's definitely fixing the pieces.
     
  12. BrokenRecord

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    Personally, what keeps me going in life is knowing that I have all the love and support from family, friends, and this community. It also helps that I'm in the middle of writing 2 book series that people tell me are really, really good even though they're not finished yet. I obviously need to finish those before I die.
     
  13. Pie

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    I don't know either. I've been questioning the meaning of life recently and haven't found an answer yet. Or rather the answer seems to be that life is really meaningless.

    A few years ago someone said to me as an insult: "What's your purpose?" suggesting that I am useless. And I still haven't found an answer. In practice if life is meaningless we should seek to have the most fun possible until we die. But then what is "fun"? Why have fun? When we die we can't have regrets since we are dead, so why fear death and make the most of our lives? It's not like finishing a game, where you still exist after the end of the game to enjoy your victory.

    Yeah... I might be overthinking...
     
  14. SiennaFire

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    Sounds like your challenge right now is to find happiness in being gay such that it does not bother you. All of us on EC inherit some shame about being gay from our parents, our church, our friends, and society. Can you look in the mirror and say to yourself that "I'm gay and proud"? If not, try to challenge the old scripts that emerge with love and compassion. My blog entry lists things that were helpful for me in addressing the shame about being gay.

    As you heal the shame, you will love yourself more and the answers about life will come to you effortlessly.

    Best,
    SF
     
    #14 SiennaFire, Aug 7, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2015
  15. confused04

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    I'm not sure if you mean family as in you have a husband/kids/family, or your parents/siblings type of family. I am not married, have no kids,so when i think of family, it is my parents and aunts and auncles and grandparents that worry me the most if i ever come to a conclusion on my sexuality (which maybe we will see, as i am near the beggining of a new therapist that might help me, we'll see--i haven't told her anything yet).

    The funny thing is, on my dad's side of the family: They will be 1000% supportive. They are all open and liberal, and we already have a lesbian cousin who got married last year, my mom divorced my dad because she's a lesbian...so they know whats up. BUT STILL. I am just the niece/grandaughter that lives far away they probably only speculate about. This is on my mind because i am going to go see them in a week!

    To the bolded parts. YES.Maybe I was born with a dispostion to notice the dark stuff more, but yes, the darkness always shadows the light, even when i am out and about looking for it! I can go for a walk and see "My god what a beautiful sunset that is" and appreciate it in the moment, but 10 minutes later in my house, the darkness has settled back in. That sunset was a brief respite from the dark.

    I will say my work is the ONLY thing that keeps me going. That, and my cat.


    I just want to say that what I bolded, could exactly be me. This is what i am about to delve into in therapy. I had a good childhood, no major traumas or abuses, went through school knowing what was expected of me, and went to college knowing that i was going to go, and do decently well. That was it. I freaked out before going to college, like "WTF am i doing?!?! I don't know what i want in my life!"

    But settled down, and picked a school and went there. My freshman year could have easily gone down the bad depression road. The only reason it didn't was I saw a former school mate from HS there. We weren't really friends in HS, but we knew of each other, so we hung out. More, it was me hanging out with her and her roommate--whom we both loved.

    Right, so make it through college, happily, and i graduated. FREAK OUT. Literal. My current therapist thinks I had a major depressive episode for a few months, and we are all lucky i am still alive. Never was very serious on any suicidal plans, but i also had two friends check in on me every single night, and one friend who would have me come over to her place almost every weekend. It was bad.

    And now what I need to start working on in therapy is...wtf is life? How do you find meaning and purpose? Seriously? At age 34? I mean come on! On top of that, add in "Well, i am a bit confused on my sexuality. It sounds like way too much.
     
  16. skiff

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    Hi,

    New discovery I make keeps me going.
     
  17. sagebrush

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    The meaning of life: fully enjoying that chocolate chip cookie you had with lunch today, savoring every bite while soaking up the sunshine, watching the clouds and people float by. I think the meaning of life is authentically connecting to the moment you're in while tuning out all the dross.

    I have a poem hanging prominently in my house that literally and figuratively gets in my face every day (which I need). The stanza I love most:

    Today
    Is the reality
    The treasure we should seize
    Savor
    Relish
    Second by second
    Moment by moment
    Hour by hour
    Carpe diem
    Carpe EVERY Diem

    I have been ever so slowly digging myself out of depression, trying to stop the hamster wheel of negative thoughts and endless rumination. For me, I needed concrete actions to counteract the spiral I've been in. I stumbled on an article that talked about "keystone habits." So, I took time this summer to establish four keystone habits that I could manage every day and feel confident committing to: journaling, exercise, mindfulness, and socializing.

    I limited myself to just four realistic, achievable habits so as not to overwhelm myself and set myself up for continued failure. And I've prepared myself for very slow progress at the start -- it took me a long time to dig this deep hole, so it will take a long time to dig myself out as well.

    Today, I reflected in my journal on my summertime progress. While I've had my share of bumpy roller coaster moments, I can also find evidence of (dare I say?) genuine peace and pleasure. Overall progress feels agonizingly slow at times, but positive things are happening bit by bit. :slight_smile:

    Until I set up these habits, I felt caught in the endless cycle of negativity -- but deep down inside I knew I had to restart the journey differently or be stuck forever. This was not an easy challenge to face, and I'm still scared of stumbling backwards. For now, though, I feel like I have the energy and desire to make real change happen. I still have a long way to go, but I have the foundation of those four good habits to keep me moving forward.

    I don't know if this is helpful, but I wanted to share a small glimmer of hope. Wishing you a better journey. (*hug*)
     
  18. Chicagoblue

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    Actually I'm looking for some gay friends. Mature men who are farther along (or not). Meetups seem to a be a good place for that.
     
  19. Faazi

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    I find meaning in teaching people those skills or hobbies that I love (art, swimming). And I am passionate about social justice issues and find that my experience in such issues has now put me in the position of mentoring younger activists, which is also fulfilling. Life, living, sharing, teaching, mentoring - all help to keep that door of depression door at bay, because I have made difficult life choices to be with family rather than live true to my sexuality. For me it will always be more fulfilling to ask what I can give and to say thanks for all the small blessings I do have in my life :slight_smile:
     
  20. CodeForLife

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    Thanks a lot for posting this thread Lone Dragon. (*hug*) I have been feeling this way a lot recently and I was just suppressing it before that.

    I have found that this works for me, but I really have to focus on thinking positively. It's not always easy to do this and it's far easier to focus on the negatives or imperfections in life, in my opinion.

    Meetup has been somewhat of a source of inspiration for me, so I'm hoping continuing on this front will make me more comfortable with the world.

    This works for me too. If I'm really passionate about something, I want to forward that knowledge on to help other people. I'm always conflicted though when this is a skill or task that could be "profitable" because then I'm really doing their job for them. However, I'm always there for people when they ask me questions and I really enjoy taking the time to walk through how to do something with people. I seriously considered being a teacher, but being an introvert (I'm good at 1 on 1, not as great on 1 vs many) and the pay is nowhere near what you can get doing something else.

    --

    So in short, I don't have the answer on what keeps me going. I didn't necessarily consciously choose to be born, so why should I consciously choose to not be alive? I have a lot going for me and supportive people around me, but I still feel pretty alone. I have found that I feel most comfortable when talking with a really warm/inviting person or when watching history channel stuff about space. What is the purpose of existence? I don't think that can be answered. But we're here, so we need to deal with it.

    At the moment, I'm just seeking out truth in the world. Truth about myself, personally, and truth about everything and everyone around me.