How Does the LGBTQ Community feel about those who Come Out Late?

Welcome to the site!

Personally, I think the LGBT community is pretty open-minded about *most* things. And that includes what path it took you to realize that you are not straight. Sure there are some jerks who might give you shit...those exist in *every* community. But for the most part, I don't think you'll have trouble. Many come out much later than 29! You are barely late to the party.

 

Some gay guys - like some straight guys - don't like inexperience. Most I've found are cool with it. Like you, I only came out later (basically repressed my sexuality for about a decade) and only started dating guys & telling friends & family a few years ago. If you're able, totally out is for the best and will do wonders for your mental health. It gets to really bog you down trying to remember who you've told, who you haven't. "With aunt Jean, you're my friend. With just my parents, you're my boyfriend...."

 

Hmm those 'Beyoncé-loving, sassy, well-dressed' types sound appealing...

Hi Mickey, I'm 46 (yes time does eventually catch up with one, the horror of it), and only 'allowed' myself to like guys recently, about a year and a half ago. It's a pretty intense journey, this journey to self-acceptance. I keep 'testing' myself to see if this is all true. Sometimes I think this must all be an illusion and I will find some girl and realize I was really (totally) straight all along, and just hadn't found the right girl yet. Not haveing had a bf as yet, who knows. Can't prove it either way, cos where the hell am I going to find a compatible guy anyway? I live in a conservative suburb. I might get old and die without ever having experienced gay love / sex etc (but I certainly hope not).

You are still young relative to myself; from my perspective, you have much more of a chance of getting somewhere with guys, than myself. I don't know what the lgbt community (assuming that it really is a 'community') thinks of us late comers, but I intuit that if you meet a guy and there is chemistry between you and him, it won't matter to him that you have come out late (although as I said, I don't see you as being 'late'). He might even actually like the fact that you will be discovering it all, and that he will be your 'first'. I wish you luck, and welcome to the site, by the way

 

I would say the majority of people within the LGBTQ community will understand and offer support, even those, like me who have been out for many years. We understand all of the push/pull factors that contribute to denial and keep another person in the closet, and overwhelmingly we are very empathic. Sure, you may encounter the odd prick who will say something negative, but that's not a reflection on the community, only on that individual. Most of us have been through the struggle of facing our fears and coming out and you are no less of a person for waiting until you are 29. Personally, I don't care if someone waits until they are 79 to come out. If that's how long it takes, so be it. I'll still give them a huge hug and warm welcome when they do and I don't think I'm unique in that respect.

 

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Most of us understand the pressure society and families can put on people and it can be a difficult journey. Leave the shame behind and move forward in a happy, authentic life. (*hug*)

 

I can totally relate to you experience(s). I has taken me a while to come to terms with being gay. I tried so hard to convince myself I was straight, especially when I was around my mates. I too recently made friends with another gay man. He is helping me realise that I am normal and my sexual preferences don't impact on me as a person.

I am still not out, but I plan to be soon. It is a matter of building up the courage. What scares me is how people will respond, especially my ex-girlfriends. I don't know if I am ready to experience their responses (I can imagine they will be hurt). I just hope that people like me less for lying to them for so long.

I have digressed. I waned to respond because I found meaning I your post. I enjoyed reading it as I made me feel like I want alone.

 

This was the biggest thing for me I play hockey. Run a league in fact. Then I realized I had gayguys in my league. Not a beer person but nothing better than Jack and Ginger with the guys after hockey. Just wouldn't mind having it with Jack.

Congrats on coming out. I did it at 51. You have plenty of time. Enjoy.

 

First, I'd like to say it's not so much about a community response but the response of individuals. It will vary but, in 2015, I wouldn't expect much push back. You seem to be concerned about your age. I'd say that, even though the age for coming out, since that's the common term, has steadily come down, all in all, you're probably even a little earlier than average. Two decades ago, you would have been quite a bit early. If someone has some kind of issue with your coming out, partially coming out, or not coming out, they're probably a jerk and you're better off forgetting about them and what they think of you.

It's on your schedule.

 

When I first started telling people close to me that I was gay (at age 39) it was for sure the scariest for me to tell friends who are gay--for basically the same reasons you describe (though I really did not understand that I was gay until I was 39--I still felt really bad about being so uncomfortable with my gayness that I wouldn't even allow myself to see it). Anyway, my long time gay friends have been super supportive. As others have pointed out, most gay people understand the silent constant pressure to not be gay better than most.

 

I, too, have wondered this as well.

I am 47. I was married to the love of my life. But life happens, and she did not want to continue the marriage relationship. So I decided, to finally, and resolutely discover what my sexuality really is.

I have always had some inkling of my orientation. I had some experiences sprinkled through out high school and college. There were other hints, in retrospect, that perhaps I should have paid a bit more attention to... I was not actively trying to hide who I was, because I did not really know who I was. What i did know is that I always wanted certain things out of life. A wife, a family and happiness; mostly because of my upbringing. It certainly was not the worst, but it was far, far from the best.

So here I am about to turn 48, a lot of my life is in the dumps.

But I am strangely excited as well. I am not out yet. And I wonder if I'll be treated the same and that people will be comfortable with me. I know my friends will accept me when I tell them... But I never want them to pause or hold their as if they should or should not say something around me since my orientation has changed... Well, not changed but discovered.

 

Some dudes will care some dudes won't.

 

You're not late...not sure where this comes from. What, should we come out at 4? 9?

Seriously, all I care about is meeting great guys who are interested in me. And that has not been an issue even at my way, way late age.

 

To quote myself from this kinda question before:

 

I little off topic but you've got to get your name out there on the web (conservative/respectful) so others can find you. It's near impossible with "advertising".

---------- Post added 9th Aug 2015 at 08:10 PM ----------

I think that is a normal reaction. Don't know what to do about it yet. I think those feelings will pass as soon as you become more happy. Finding a boy friend would be a big plus.

 

What a story. It could play out this way for so many and it has. The ones that really grab one's attention is when people were, as you say, "married to the loves of their lives." Thanks for how productive this comes across.

 

I was not actively trying to hide who I was, because I did not really know who I was. What i did know is that I always wanted certain things out of life. A wife, a family and happiness; mostly because of my upbringing. It certainly was not the worst, but it was far, far from the best.

Gee, this story sounds somewhat familiar. Where have I heard or lived this before?