So my bf and I have been seeing each other for well over a year. He's met my kids - they love him and he gets on well with them - he's met my ex wife and again both get on. He's met most of my friends and when I meet them (the couples anyway) he and I are invited out as a couple rather than just me alone. If I meet my single friends then I'd usually invite my bf along after to meet up with us and have a drink/socialise. He's talked about how he's in this for the long term with me, that he sees a future for us together, but that he's learning how relationships work at the same time. I get all of that. But. I feel like I'm being segregated from his friends. He will meet his single/couple friends regularly, but I don't get an invite along. Sometimes it's drinks at their apartments or out in town, but he's very definite that I just don't get asked along. I get what he says to me about not wanting to lose his individuality, but it's making me feel like there's a deliberate decision to keep his life with me separate from his life with his friends. The cynical part of me feels that it's almost a safety mechanism that, if things with me don't work out, he doesn't have the messy 'friends who know me and stay in touch with me' issue. It's starting to have a negative impact on me. Not sure how I should/can handle this. I don't want it looking like I'm some possessive freak - I really do want him to see his friends, but it would be really great if I got to know them as well and we could do things with them as a couple too. Right now it just feels like he is keeping me away from them and avoiding them getting to know me too well. Advice guys?
12 months is a long time to be seeing each other, how often do you see him? I don't blame you thinking there may be an issue, suppose talking to him may be the best advice, sorry can't be a help...
We see each other most days. We stay together a lot so it feels like we are going in the right direction as a relationship but then there's barriers appear that make me feel like he's holding back on me
If you'd only been together for a month or two and hadn't discussed the future in the way you have I'd tell you to wait a bit longer, but that's not the case. If your boyfriend is in it for the long term and wants to work at the relationship, he needs to understand how important it is for you to meet at least some of his friends, family, colleagues. Meeting them occasionally will not deprive him of his freedom or "individuality", but not meeting them at all isolates you from a significant part of his life and it's natural that it should raise questions in your mind, especially after you have gone to the effort of including him so much. What do you know about his family and friends Highlander? What do they know about you? Is he out to everyone? I've kind of assumed he is, but never previously asked. Does he count any ex-boyfriends amongst his group of friends? He must have a past (we all do) and I'm wondering if he feels awkward or embarrassed about you meeting people from his past. I'm just trying to understand some of his reasons, but I'm only surmising and I guess you are too. I haven't met all of my husbands friends and extended family and he hasn't met all of mine either, but we have both made an effort at introductions and everybody knows we are together. At this stage in a growing relationship you should have met some of the important people in his life and if you haven't you should be entitled to an explanation. It's not unreasonable of you to ask why he is so definite about this.
Thanks Patrick. It's strange, as I've met a good few of his friends. Some of them, off and on. But some of them only once to 'meet' them, and then never again. He still goes out and socialises with them, and them with their bf's too, yet I seem to not get taken along. He's told me he sees a future for us, a long term one, which is reassuring up to a point. He has brothers and sisters, and I've not met any of them. They know about me I think. His parents don't know he is gay, so there's an element of him trying to keep that part of his life away from them. I just feel like I'm being totally open with him and letting him into all parts of my life, and he's holding back. He does have ex boyfriends - who he does meet occasionally. I try not to get uptight about it and I have no reason to distrust him or think that there is anything going on that shouldn't be. He's never given me any reason to think that he's playing around behind my back. He doesn't seem that kind of person, and appears genuine in all other aspects of life. I don't want to get into that kind of suspicious mentality which I think would just be fatal. I have no problem at all with him meeting up with his friends. I do when I discover that some of the friends have brought their bf's/partners along too, but it was sold to me that it was just a catch up with the individual. That's when I start to feel there's an effort to keep me apart from them.
