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Ugh!... parents :/

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by paris, Aug 12, 2015.

  1. paris

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    Today's conversation with my mum after I told her I won't be home for 3 days.

    Mum: Where are you going?
    Me: Pride.
    Mum: What's that?
    Me: March of... the people you don't like.
    Mum: I didn't say I don't like them, I just don't like to have one at home.
    Me: Are you aware what you just said is pretty awful?!
    ...
    Me: I won't apologize, I did nothing wrong.

    Okay, I know it's been only three weeks since I came out to her and my dad but it's tough, you know. She's like what I described above, dad is avoiding me completely.
    Can I get a hug, please?
     
    #1 paris, Aug 12, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2015
  2. Canterpiece

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    Hugs, hugs all round. (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) Also, I guess the whole not wanting you "in the house" thing gives you all the more reason to go to Pride. Is she still in denial about your sexuality? It's a shame about your dad's reaction, I hope things get better for you. But for now (*hug*).
     
  3. skiff

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    Hi

    Why are you living where you are not loved, respected or wanted? A therapist once said "just because they are family you don't have to like, love or tolerate them".

    If you are not able to support yourself there are alternatives.
     
  4. BidiKlum

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    I'd agree with Skiff except you mentioned you only came out 3 weeks ago...That is a pretty short time frame. Dan Savage says to give your parents 6 months to a year to accept this fact of your life, offer them support resources like PFLAG. Then if they still don't accept you after you have given them time - make what they want - a relationship with their child - dependent on acceptance of your sexuality.

    Ha - I remember my dad not being able to look at me for several days after he found out I was staying over at my (opposite sex) boyfriend's house. Parents need some time to accept sexuality of any kind in their children. Now that I'm a parent, I can understand that a little more. Not that how your parents are treating you is right or OK, but maybe...just give them some time?

    I'm not sure if this is helpful right now, but I guess if they love you they will eventually get over it.

    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  5. bi2me

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    I'm sorry! You don't deserve to be treated like that!

    Try to focus on having fun at pride. Are you going with friends?

    (*hug*)
     
  6. biAnnika

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    (((((((((( Paris )))))))))) I'm so sorry. This shit really is hard. My partner's father was rather hateful (and her mother was completely dominated by her father)...but focused that hate on me, rather than learning to accept who his daughter was, until the end of his life.

    Understand that it all arises ultimately from fear. When a parent lets *anything* come between them and their child, the fear has reached a point where the parent is to be pitied more than anything. Parents don't want anything between themselves and their children.

    That doesn't mean the BS should be tolerated well. You have nothing to apologize for either...you too have done nothing wrong. This fight is in them, not in you. The pity doesn't mean "put up with"; it means "continue to love". Ultimately, love is the only weapon against fear and hate. Show them your love for them; show them your love for your partner (if/when this is possible). More than anything, they do want you to be happy...they just have a twisted and limited notion of what this can mean.

    And don't *necessarily* take your father's silence as the stronger rejection. Sometimes, we just need some time to process and work through things...silence is much better than directed hate and anger, although it can be more frustrating, because we don't know what it means. Continue to show him love as well.

    Good luck with this stage...but remember it is a stage. *more hugs*
     
  7. Viator

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    Ouch! Wow, that's just - to not even hear what you said about how it was hurtful. Here is to hoping that exchanges like that are grossly outnumbered by those that are full of kindness, and support. Hell, even just a bland "oh, how interesting" would suffice :slight_smile:
     
  8. Sue Baloo

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    (*hug*)
    I just came out to my folks via letter as they are in another state. They called to tell me that they read the letter, but then said nothing else about it. I guess that's better then full out rejection, but yeah, I am feeling your ugh. :wink:


    and Skiff, like he so often does, posted some wise words up above for you as well. I agree with what he said 100%
     
    #8 Sue Baloo, Aug 12, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2015
  9. TeaTree

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    I'm sorry about your parents' reaction, Paris. I can only imagine this must really hurt. Even if they need time to digest this, it sounds like a pretty rough start. I'm not saying they won't change their attitude towards this, it's possible, but for sure they will need a lot of time.
    But based on your posts you seem pretty confident in continuing to be true to yourself so I'm not worried about that:slight_smile: But still, maybe keeping some distance from your parents for a while would help the process even more. Though who am I to give advices like this, as I'm still living with my boyfriend...
    But anyway, I don't think you need advice from me, but you do need a hug, so here it is: (*hug*) (*hug*)
     
  10. paris

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    I thank you all. Canterpiece, skiff, BidiKlum, bi2me, biAnnika, Viator, Sue Baloo, TeeTrea (&&&)
    I know they still love me and they'll come around eventually but for now it's just difficult. And yes, I plan to move out but it won't probably be as fast as I'd like it to be, have to find a job first. I don't know but I kind of thought that coming out later in life will be easier. :rolle:
    @bi2me I don't have so many lgbt friends yet so I'm going alone but think I'll have fun anyway. :icon_wink
     
    #10 paris, Aug 13, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2015