So for those of you following along...99% in the closet, about 90% sure that I am bi...married with 2 kids...just days out of a relationship with a best friend. Who is leaving soon and therefore we are going out tonight. Since neither of us have ever been - we will be going to a gay bar. I'm a little nervous! I don't want to hook up or pick anyone up (I have enough drama already!) but I like the idea of being around...like-minded people I guess. Any tips? Anyone have a good story about their first time at a gay bar?? (!)(!)
To be honest I do not know if it is the same in europe but in the usa rarely do you go home with someone from a bar. Lesbians are notoriously shy about even asking someone to dance. AS females we are taught that men make the first move and when you have two women together well you have people that are unsure of how to do it. Going with a friend may make it worse as they will assume you are taken.
Thanks for the heads-up! I wouldn't mind some casual flirting but I'm not looking to pick anyone up anyway...I'll have to give an update tomorrow.
Have fun! I dragged a straight friend of mine to the HerShe bar at the end of Pride a couple of weeks ago. I'm sure we appeared to be a couple - she looks like a lesbian more than I do :lol: It was great though, we danced, people watched - it was just such a nice feeling of relief. and I loved that there were next to no guys in the place!! Let us know how it goes
Have fun! Just enjoy looking around and catch a few eyes with a pretty smile. That's always fun! :icon_wink
So I promised a report...and in my still-hungover stage I'm going to deliver. We had dinner and then checked out a few bars, most were not all that busy, and all of them were heavily male-oriented. Seems like the no-lesbian-bars thing is true here too... Spent most of our time at a place that was having a Karaoke night...I did share a few smiles with one cute girl, I think she was checking me out? And had a nice chat with a gay (male) couple, I even exchanged numbers with one of them. Then as we got more tipsy (OK, drunk ) my friend and I started making out a little. Which had me hoping that it would go further and we would sleep together, but I think all she wanted was to have some kisses. Night didn't end too well - she drank too much and got sick outside of the bar. And then again at home, and again this morning. Poor thing. So results - - Anyone seeing us at the bar would have known we were together. Or whatever we are. Which was so nice and freeing, but I also realized that unless I actually come out for reals I can't really go back there for fear of being exposed. Also problematic to be friends with the gay guy. Jeez, this closeted thing is no fun... - My friend would like us to be friends with benefits I think. Which theoretically would be OK (ignoring the whole husband thing for the moment cause that's another can of worms) except that it always leaves me wanting more. Like I want to go out and drink with her so she gets tipsy and I get some, which is just sad. Oh and the worst thing (gosh I'm so glad this is anonymous!!) - we got home (like at 3 am) and husband and I had sex and it was so...eh. I kept thinking that I wanted it to be with her instead and I guess I kind of used him to get off? Ugh. I'm a horrible person. OK, not horrible. But I do some really sh&/y things sometimes... Sorry to end on a down note! So back to the positive - I loved being at the gay bar, I'd love to be able to go out more often, that part of the night was really fun.
Sounds like a fun night, sans vomiting :lol: Most lesbians I know aren't big bar people. In my town, which has a big lesbian population, we only have lesbian nights at gay bars, but no dedicated lesbian bars. We do have big meetup groups, which draw a lot of women. Tonight the wife & I are attending and there will be 25 women there. Lots of single women there too, so it's usually a hook up event. Gay bars are fun though. Once in a while :icon_wink
MeetUp is actually a web site and within the site, there are groups formed around a similair interest. Example, I belong to a biking meetup group, because I love to cycle. And I also belong to a lesbian group. The group creates events, and people RSVP. There are around 2,000 women in the lesbian group and I've gone to happy hours, movies, game nights and nightclubs with groups of women from the site. It's a great way to meet friends. When I said hook up, I meant there are lots of single women in the group and it is a great way to meet other lesbians outside of the bar scene (which can be hard)
Thanks. I actually know what meetup.com is. I just wondered what type was maybe more conducive to hookups. Like nightclubbing vs. cycling. Haha. Not that I want that. In fact, the less likely that is at the moment, the better. I signed up for a lesbian meetup locally but have yet to have the guts to go to anything. I compromised and signed up for a women's only running group. Thought I'd split the difference. Turned out not to be exclusively women as it was combined with another group sponsored by the store organizing it but that's ok - my running is improving. The group is very small and the two guys are very fast so once we start, it's like they're not there, anyways. And there have been some pretty women to look at/talk to for 45 minutes to an hour, once a week.
We had two women show up last night and they were new faces. People were super friendly. One of the women just left a 16 year marriage and felt a little uneasy about being there, but everyone was super warm. I hope you take the leap of faith and give it a try.
A question for the women who've tried the meetups on meetup.com. Do you think people from surrounding areas, i.e. other cities, would be welcome? I've looked up meetups for the two nearest cities and they are either all couples or probably too young for me. I am thinking that I will have to look at the closest "major" city. Just wondering.
I don't know about the social ones but the running one I go to is completely open to anyone who comes. The organizer is always welcoming and happy to see new people. I suspect they're all like that because isn't that what they're there for? Meeting new people? Are the ones closer to you centred around activities you like? I wouldn't discount them based on who you think are the regular participants. If you want to do those things, you should. The more people you meet, the better, I say.
