1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

the fem-stud pairing

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Sue Baloo, Aug 15, 2015.

  1. Sue Baloo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2015
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Des Plaines (Chicago)
    The fem-stud pair-ups, are something that cause me anxiety. (meaning masculine women with feminine women)In every online lesbian community that I have seen so far, that pairing is the norm. I am very much a tomboy, and other tomboys are what I am attracted to 95% of the time, but it seems like most other tomboys and butches are into feminine lesbians. I see fems go for fems too sometimes, but never the other way around. In general, I keep the anxiety over this in check, and assure myself that I will meet the right women, but the thought still comes up from time to time. Please tell me that it's just a stereotype, and that there are plenty of tomboys who like tomboys. Guys, I don't know if you have a similar thing going on in your own gay communities, but feel free to chime in if you relate. :wink:
     
  2. cate1515

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2015
    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    We are both feminine girls although neither of us Is over the top girly. But we both wear makeup, get our nails done together a, have longer hair and shop for clothes together. Both of us are into working out so workout clothes are a lot of our wardrobe. We only really dress up for special occasions, but we still dress "cute". I would not be attracted to a butch type and I don't believe my gf would either. But for both of us feel that we just finaly met the one girl we were meant to be with and just fell in love with each other (we were best friends first) and both are actually still married to men. We had an emotional relationship first spent practically all of our time together, before one day just finding our complete relationship and admitting this is what we always really wanted we just had to find that one girl that it was meant to happen with.
     
    #2 cate1515, Aug 15, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2015
  3. VacantPlanets

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2014
    Messages:
    194
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    This doesn't really matter to me since I like both but I prefer a girl some where in between. I am not sure it's the norm where I am as most couples here are femme-femme couples.
     
  4. Lipstick Leuger

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2013
    Messages:
    1,113
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Michigan
    I have been out for over 15 years and I have seen plenty of tomboi/tomboi, or butch/butch pairs. It is MUCH more common now that it was. You are probably seeing them, but may not realize they are not friends, much the way Lipsticks are there with their feminine gals, and people think they are friends or sisters. So, you could be missing them while the Butch/Femme pairing is noticable.

    I also see you are near my age, and it was much more common to find Butches with Femmes in our age range, than now. Are you comfortable with a younger partner? Even 10-12 years would make a difference in how much you see Tombois willing to date other Tombois.
     
    #4 Lipstick Leuger, Aug 15, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2015
  5. VacantPlanets

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2014
    Messages:
    194
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I only know of 1 butch/butch couple here, I don't see that often, but 2 Tombois is pretty norm now, and yes age range does make a difference in those things.
     
  6. Sue Baloo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2015
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Des Plaines (Chicago)
    Thanks for all of your words. Maybe I am missing them, I never really thought of that, but I feel more optimistic after reading what you wrote. :slight_smile:

    My last girl friend was 14 years younger them me, and it actually was a good fit as far as age went. Age was never an issue with us. I tend to get on really well with younger people in general, except for a few dear friends who are my age and older.

    ---------- Post added 15th Aug 2015 at 09:45 PM ----------

    thanks, and yeah, I'm a tomboi. As masculine as I am, I still don't consider myself butch :slight_smile:
     
    #6 Sue Baloo, Aug 15, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2015
  7. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    LL. Your post made me think of something I read about actual age vs lesbian age. (Not sure I'm remembering the terminology correctly or where I read it, so excuse my lack of clarity.)

    The gist of it was that you and I may be close in age but you will always have 15 more "lesbian years" than I do. So, in the case of Sue B and I and maybe many others coming to this late, in, what sounds like, a world of less defined lesbian characters (sorry if this is not coming out right), might there be more women our age whose type is closer to centre, or maybe a mixtures of previously, stricter definitions of the types? We just need to find women whose "lesbian ages" are closer to ours. They might be younger but they might not be.

    I think I may have lost myself in this tangle but if you have any thoughts, they're always welcome.
     
  8. wolff

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2015
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    in the darkest corners of the mind
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's not uncommon here to see butch/butch couples. I personally know several.
    I'm sure there are online communities that have what you're looking for. If not, it would be a place to start. You may meet someone who knows someone who knows where to send you. You never know when adoor may open that leads you right where you want to be. Good luck to you!
     
  9. Sue Baloo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2015
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Des Plaines (Chicago)
    Thanks Wolff <3
     
  10. MZRaven

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2015
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    minneapolis mn
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am a stone butch and I am attracted to both butches and femmes. I like women I do not care how they dress.
     
  11. Lipstick Leuger

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2013
    Messages:
    1,113
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Michigan
    That theory actually does make sense. Being out to yourself is a whole different thing than being out in the community as you become acclimated to what environment you are in. You learn the language, the people and what is expected. What was expected 15 years ago is different than now.