I am trying to figure out how this all works as far as support answering questions. Just finding a friend. I dont know how to find answers for all the questions I have about what is going on with me.
Hey heart, I'm pretty new here too but this is a great place to get support. Feel free to ask away! I assume your questions are about your orientation? We are here!
What Bidi said, and I would also add, that once you start sharing a little bit about yourself, I would be surprised if there weren't numerous people who would post because they have or still are going through something similar. People will also share their stories with you, and together we all find support, and possible strategies to help make our journeys more smooth. I haven't been here long either, but EC is a wonderful place.
I'm always free to answer questions as best I can and I'm sure there are loads of people who feel the same. You could even be asking questions that other people are too shy to ask.
Hi I will start sharing. I am 58 yrs old. Been through several divorces. I have been questioning my sexuality my whole life off and on. But I grew up in an era that was not open yet. The 70's things were starting change but I were still part of the closed era. Just before my last marriage I openly questioned am I bi. That marriage was horrible. So this last 18 months I have been wondering am I a gay? Of course being so old a mom many times loads of grandchildren it is confusing. Why all the secret questions my whole life but would never slow down and acknowledge my own guestions. Now I am after a large part of my life is over. How to I find the answers. Then what?? Very confused and alone.
a large part of your life may feel like it's over, but at the same time, your life is just beginning. For a lot of us, coming out late, well once we start getting to the point where we accept that we are gay, it is like a second youth, and the whole world lies ahead of us. Just take baby steps, and you don't have to decide if you are, or what exactly your orientation is right away, but it sounds like your mental gears are in motion, so hopefully you'll start to find more clarity soon. This forum is a safe place to talk and feel things out. Something I did too, when I was overwhelmed with all of these thoughts when I initially started to confront my own, is to just write about everything on my mind. I'd do it all in Word, and hide the folders in obscure places on my computer, so no one else in the house could find them. Some days, when the fear was high, I'd go through it all and delete everything, but getting the thoughts out like that really made the process a lot less overwhelming for me. For the time being, try not to worry about what family and friend will think, it just makes the process so much harder. Once you have more clarity on your orientation and how and if that effects your identity and how you express yourself, sit with it and find strength in the freedom in finally being true to yourself. Then you can start thinking about family and when and if you ever even tell them.
Sue--thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. I have been so upset depressed--- many things going on in my life. I have been fighting depression. The thoughtjust go to word and just type how I feel. I don't keep it because I am at my daughters. I so much agree this helps. Because of my situation I have to help myself. Thank you nice to have someone finally reach out. I hope to hear from you again. Xoxo
Ugh, I was writing a huge response, and chrome crashed. I'll come back and try again in a while, but part of it was to say thanks, and I bet it won't be long before you are comforting someone else on the same journey. <3
Like Sue said, this is a new beginning and you deserve to allow yourself to explore this side of you. As a gay woman, I can tell you, if I had to suppress my basic desires and needs, I'm not sure if I could cope. If you are gay, you are one strong woman and you can handle the challenges ahead. Because the payoff for finally being who you are, is huge. So let me ask you this. Why do you believe you are gay?
ECG thank you for your encouragement also. I am experiencing many negatives besides this personal struggle. I started to really think about who am I. Then I realized how frustrated inside I am. Over many things in my life I feel split down the middle always feel like I can't be myself. I want to know who am I. I have a huge problem of being a people pleaser. I now really see I have to get of the hamster wheel. Thank you xoxo ---------- Post added 20th Aug 2015 at 09:51 AM ---------- Thank you each of you who have reached out to me. Several days I kept posting and nothing. Then one of you said share a little about yourself. Thank you because thats when your support came. I appreciate it so much. in the last 9 months my life again turned upside down. A daughter asked me for help. So I jumped left my job--my health ins etc. Just got through a horrendous marriage I was so happy. Well I make the move to another state and it all blows up. The last 3 months I have been in Akaska helping another daughter. My time is over here my grandkids went back to school. So I leave soon go back to idaho pack my car and move ba k to Wa state. I am going to live with my sister due to no job no money. Bizarre for me being the oldest and one step from homelessness at my age. My sis is giving me the chance to rebuild my life. I am not here in EC looking for a relationship--I am here looking for friendships and support and answers on understanding my orientation. Thank you tnis is pretty long so I will stop for now. Xoxo
East Coast Girl--just saw your question. Why do I believe I am gay? Well I will try to answer. Hmmmm where to start. I have always wondered about my attraction towards woman. Started about 11. Then tried to have a relationship with a woman but we were So naive that I laugh about things. A couple years ago I asked myself who am I sexually. Thought maybe I am bi. Shared this openly with friends. Then why this last marriage? Many reasons none healthy. It was so miserable but it made me question many things. I don't know how to find out that answer for me. I only think about woman in my daydreams. I have always felt safe with woman. I am in middle of this--screaming these questions to myself and how do I find the answers?
I like your attitude. It seems like you are ready to take this time to rebuild your life, with more attention being paid to you and your needs. Eventhough it seems like you may have challenges, starting from scratch gives you a unique opportunity to build your life the way YOU want it to be. How wonderful is that? I asked why you thought you were gay, because I was wondering what feelings you have experienced in terms of desire and attraction. As a lesbian, I am aroused by a woman. I desire a woman. I seek out a woman. Period. Not a man in anyway. I love guys as friends, but for intimacy, I want a woman. I never even consider a male in that way. You've been with men, so is it fair to say you are attracted to males? Enjoy sex with a man? Perhaps you are bi and not a lesbian? ---------- Post added 20th Aug 2015 at 07:43 PM ---------- Oh and I think you find the answers by experimenting and really exploring these feelings inside you. Do you have any gay women friends?
Hi ECG- Is it ok that I use ECG? I think a lot of my foundation was in 50's 60's 70's. Socially acceptable. Large imprint on my life. At the age 11 the first stirrings and later at 22--I didn't really know where to go. The socially acceptable has has a major hold and it is different now. Good things you questioned me with-thank you. When I said a couple yrs ago I thought I was bi. But my attractions and desires are for women. My last nightmare I had to fantasize about women in order to have any kind of sexual response. At that time it brought back how I deep down feel about men and how much I distrust them. I was open with my last husband about my questions. She teased me at times--say he wanted to watch and ugly things like this---ridicule me. Because of him I knew I'd never be with a man again. I counted down my days till I could get away from him. I am not looking to be invinvolved. I want friendship and to find the truth about me. To have peace with life and in my life and inside. I want to know who ____really is. I appreciate you spending your time to help me . You help me to think and answer questions for myself. Xoxo ---------- Post added 20th Aug 2015 at 07:14 PM ---------- ECG just saw more of your questions. "I must find men attractive" I do both men and women. But thats more someone who might be nice looking. But my attraction towards a woman is sexual. Me getting married this last time was foolish and out of fear and loneliness---very bizarre decision on my behalf. The one positive it brought me closer to my true self. I have no gay friends. I was thinking about that last night. I have had in the past a couple different times. I have an Aunt that is that I just reconnected with that I have thinking about right time to share with her. Our relationship has been very distant. I am not afraid to be open with her. Xoxo
Ecg is fine :icon_bigg I understand the dynamic of societal pressure. I was raised in a strict religious home where the expectation for girls was to get married and have children. I didn't conform, but it was not easy and I totally understand those that choose to simply toe the line. As you set out on your exploration, I'd encourage you to make a few lesbian friends. Not for a relationship, but just to see how that goes. There are a few ways to meet them. Go to a Metropolitan Community Church if there is one in your area. I am not a religious person, but I've been there for the social functions. Join MeetUp and find a few lesbian groups in your area. Where we live, our lesbian group has over 2000 members and we do things like bowling, happy hours and concerts. My wife and I have a decent set of friends, both straight and gay, but I'm not going to lie, we cherish our lesbian friends. It feels so good to hang with them, as they understand all aspects of your life and that is powerful stuff.
ECG--I did look up meetup. At first it seemed for straight people. Then I Google it again and lesbian group came up. So once I get moved and settled I will look into it. When I was 22ish and was with the one and only woman I did have some gay friends and went out to bars. Then life took many turns. An expression I see here is " back in the closet". When I was with this person I was totally out front to my whole family. But that was 36 yrs ago. I hope I can just find some friendships I dont want hook-ups. I am in same spot as Sue in that aspect. Thans for your support. Xoxo
