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Family problems...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by CameronMR, Aug 23, 2015.

  1. CameronMR

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    I'm having a hard time with coming out because I'm with a man and have kids etc.... of the many conflicting things that go through my head and make it hard to come out is his family. I get along very well with his family and it took them a long time to accept me after his ex of 8 years cheated on him(full blown affair, not just oops got drunk and slept with someone). They finally consider me family and I get along very well with all of them. His mom's even given me family recipes!

    How do you deal with the in laws and their pain? They have no issues when is comes to homophobia as they've also accepted my cross dressing gay son(trans,ftm), but this is their sons heart on the line.
     
  2. Viator

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    I too had a wonderful relationship with my in laws. The hard pert for me was their daughter was the one who ended our marriage by leaving me for another man. It was only later, after we separated, that I came out. Please don't get me wrong, we were very unhappy, I was not out to myself, I was deep in the closet, and so there was no clear cut reason for most of our problems and why to intelligent people, who did (and do?) care what happens to each other, could not work figure things out.

    You are wise to be circumspect, these are people's feelings, including yours. I have no easy answers; I did not have to have the conversation with them that you will. Perhaps though you may not even have to, you could allow you husband. My STBX and I spoke at length about which of us would tell her parents; they did not take the news of our divorce well. She asked if she could be the one to tell them, I didn't ask how it went. I am still friends with them on Facebook; after coming out there, I still am :slight_smile:.

    I hope you are able to come to some decision soon. There is going to be so much to work out, but, if they are the kind of people you say they are, they know that too.

    Good luck.
     
  3. CameronMR

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    Thanks for your input. I feel almost like I'm betraying his whole family just by being lesbian....
     
  4. High Art

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    I can relate. I am trying not to think of in laws as I struggle with when and how I could come out to my husband. They are fairly conservative, only "politely liberal". My mother in law will ... Ok, I don't want to think about it!

    Ugh:tears:
     
  5. CameronMR

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    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) my mom in law is the typical italian lady with NO inside voice and she is NOT afraid to use any and every bad word she can. :help:

    we need to stick together because i know we'll need the virtual hugs!(*hug*)
     
  6. BidiKlum

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    Ugh, this is a huge concern of mine if I were ever to take it this far. I love my in-laws, they are completely family to me but I know they would circle the wagons if I were to ever hurt my husband. Which is fair but makes me so sad to think of possibly losing those relationships which are so important to me.

    So no advice, really, just commiseration.

    Maybe it would be easier for them if it was because of your sexuality and not because of something else? Like, you aren't leaving their son/brother/etc because of an affair or because you don't love him, but because you *can't* love him properly?

    I'm not sure if I'm saying that right but do you know what I mean? Good luck... xxx
     
  7. High Art

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    My husband just informed me that his parents are visiting us over the long weekend. In our one bedroom apartment. F#$%!!!
    My mother in law has a habit of inviting herself to stay. She refuses to stay anywhere else while in town - she has to be on top of us morning and night. It's messed up.
     
  8. ChloeKiss

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    Lmao good luck with that :lol: sorry I just found your post funny! Ontop of you morning and night :lol:
     
  9. CameronMR

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    I think I see what you mean, I couldn't even say if they would understand... :s.

    ---------- Post added 26th Aug 2015 at 03:41 PM ----------

    I hope your weekend isn't too awkward!! Let us know how it goes.(*hug*)