Who put us in the closet?

I believe that overtime society has made us think that we have to hide, because gays are often discriminated against. If it was the other way around, straights would be the ones that would have to come out. If there was no discrimination, why would anyone have to come out? The fact that we feel like we need to keep our sexuality a secret says alot.

 

We put ourselves in the closet because we are/were not ready to accept our authentic selves and feel/felt that the costs of coming out outweighs the benefit of living authentically.

 

I don't know. I'm more wondering why it's referred to as "the closet" in the first place. ┐(￣ヮ￣)┌

---------- Post added 25th Aug 2015 at 05:23 PM ----------

Really though I'd say it depends on the individual. For most it's society (especially in places where it is most dangerous to come out). For some their surroundings may be completely accepting but they either can't bring themselves to accept it or they don't want to deal with all the consequences.

Either way no one forces us in the closet. It is a choice, but a choice most have to make to protect themselves and/or live with circumstances they are in.

 

We put ourselves in the closet, but society pressures us to do it. So, we are directly responsible, but they are indirectly responsible.

Both, basically.

 

Society + family + religion + fear = closet.

 

While I'd certainly say that outside factors like society, family, religion etc. may rough it in and build some of the walls, ultimately we're the ones who finish off the closet, step in and pull the door shut behind us. Which is not to say that we knew what we were doing. Quite the contrary. For a lot of us it seemed logical or sensible or even safe, like a kid playing hide and seek who thinks that rusty old refrigerator in the corner of the basement is a great place to hide. Then you realize that the door is latched and the air is running out, and suddenly it's your worst nightmare. In our case, the door isn't permanently latched and we CAN get out. Once we figure out where we are and what latch to turn and where we have to push.

 

I think this is an excellent analogy ^^

And I think for me, as a kid, I wasn't really aware that I was gay (or even that such a thing existed) and so I was in the closet before I even knew it was there. Then by the time I could finally see the closet I was in, I'd developed so many trust issues that I didn't want to leave the closet.

Maybe that's how it is for others too.

 

Oooook. Cute question.
Let's remember that, as being straight has always been(and sorry if anyone disagree but I think it's the truth) the most frequent sexuality for humans, and also the only one that can lead to reproduction, and kids, and the continuation of the species.
And, maybe because it was the most common thing to do... most people assumed being straight was the right thing and just didn't know about/understand/liked homosexuality.
And there you have the Leviticus. That book full of rules that somehow made sense in those times, but now are completely stupid and useless. And the sex seen only as a way of reproduction.
Of course, homosexual sex was still a thing, but nobody talked about it.
And at some point people got tired(hello contemporary age!) of the old system and started all the revolutions we know now.
(you can tell that I love these subjects and that I'm studying something related to antrhopology or/and to this at college)

 

Love this.

And for those of us who are closer to bi...and also had all that stuff up there...well it's no wonder I feel like I have found my tribe: married women in their 30s who are suddenly jumping into a closet until we can figure out what the heck to do about these feelings!! (&&&)

 

Whether or not society put me in the closet or I put myself there is no longer very important to me. All I know is I learned early on to hide the real me, and the longer I hid, the more difficult it was to come out. The question that really burns in my mind is why, among those of my generation, were there others who came out "early" (or at least a hell of a lot earlier than I did)? Were they more courageous, more reckless, more self-aware? I know there were some for whom the closet simply was not an option: they were too obviously gay, so why hide it? But what differentiates guys like me from other, outwardly straight-appearing guys who nevertheless chose to come out back when coming out was so much more risky than today?

 

I'm not so sure it even really fear, so much as uncertainty. People at my school are accepting enough, and Teachers are supposed to prevent bullying for those circumstances, as my school is a "safe zone"... But that doesn't mean that people don't look at you funny. And no one can stop people from whispering in the halls, or wondering, say, why a so-called "girl"(not) would have a guys name, or vice versa. (because several of my friends are transitioning) I'm not afraid of coming out to people... I'm uncertain. It's one step that makes everything completely permanent, how people view you... And that's scary.

Society made the door, and looked the other way, while we slipped behind it. That's how we got in the closet.

 

R. Kelly, because he doesn't want to be trapped in there alone.







My last request is a cigarette and a lobster dinner, LOL.

 

Fear, society.

 

I think we do it to ourselves. Yeah, there's a lot of crap out there but for most people there are options (certainly not all, but I think a lot of people convince themselves they don't have options when they do) and there is a point where you have to take responsibility for your own life. No one else will.

 

Having grown up in the deep South, I know first hand that for some kids it is physically dangerous for them to come out of the closet. We're talking about a significant portion of the LGBT population. I'm not trying to fear monger or say these kids should hide who they are forever, but there are places where people take the Bible literally and believe death is a just punishment for homosexuality. And in many of these small towns local law enforcement will turn a blind eye to abuse against a gay person (and women in general, but that's a separate topic). I've seen all of this first hand. That's why a lot of gay people in these communities end up abusing drugs and secretly engaging in dangerous sexual practices.

I'm glad I got out. If I had not moved from my home town, I'm sure I'd still be in the closet now.

 

I start by asking what it means to be in the closet.

To me, it means taking steps to hide your sexuality, to make sure nobody finds out that we are L, G, B, T, Q, or +. It includes actively omitting information that you would give if you weren't hiding your sexuality (e.g., in response to "so do you have a bf yet?" a young lesbian woman can answer "no, but I have a gf" or "no, but I'm not interested in one...I'd prefer a gf"...or she can answer "nope, not yet" or "I don't think I'm ever going to have a bf" or even "fuck you"...all are perhaps truthful, but only the first two are *truly* genuine responses to the intent of the question without omitting relevant information).

So when does this condition first affect us? The moment somebody says or does something that would prompt a response from us that could potentially disclose our sexuality.

So when do we first enter the closet? When we utter that first obfuscatory statement.

Who makes us do that (i.e., who puts us in the closet)? I'm afraid it's all on us. We may do it for good reasons...two common ones are personal safety and security. We may feel unsafe and insecure because of family and/or society and how [we perceive] it will treat us. But it is our decision. We enter of our own free will...and we have the ability to come out in exactly the same way.

 

I never gave much thought to how I ended up in the closet before but your response makes a lot of sense. I remember in middle school being around all the boy crazy girls. They used to talk all the time about who they thought was cute and they would ask me who I thought was cute. Initially I truthfully answered no one. As time went on I started to realize my attraction to girls and I noticed they seemed to think I was weird for saying I wasn't attracted to anyone. So I began to lie and say I thought certain boys were cute. It always made me uncomfortable but I stepped into the closet.

 

I don't think a lot of people had a conscious choice in their decision to enter the closet. Many people experienced long bouts of repression, denial or compartmentalizing with regard to their true sexual desires. These processes are largely unconscious.

 

We are BORN in the closet. It just takes different amounts of time for us to figure out where we are, and decide whether we want to stay there, or come out and live as who we really are.