So I've been thinking a bit about how I present to the world. I don't wear makeup. Or at least, its rare enough that I can make that claim. I don't have a strong aversion to it and have just sort of worn it on occasion. Its just never been a necessity. I feel kind of fake when I wear it. Like when my sister was young, she was the girl who couldn't go to the store without putting on the makeup and it drove me nuts. This is your face! Why are you hiding your face?? Plus all the chemicals they put in makeup are just dastardly. I believe women should have the freedom to make the choice of whether to show their breasts in public or not. And that we should buck against body shaming. So when women rely on makeup it just hurts my heart. Buuut I'm also an artist, and I do appreciate esthetics, and understand why women would want to play with the colours. So I'm not completely against the stuff, I guess, I just hate the industry behind it and what it subtly does to self esteem. So lately I find I have been thinking about this sort of thing more often, and I've been thinking more about the way I dress, which is pretty "feminine". I love summer and light and airy clothing, mostly skirts and dresses, and I always resent it when I have to cover my body up with layers and heavy coats and things in the winter. So confining! But as I become more aware of the hetero-normative culture and realize how brainwashed I have been about what femininity is, I can feel myself bucking against my feminine style of dress, and I think I'm going to chop my long hair. Craving change. Wondering where I'll go next Is anybody finding similar shifts in style as they come out?
Sort of. I've gone through phases where for years at I time I wore make up daily, but I always kind of resented it even though I did (and do) prefer the asthetetics of my face with make up on. In more recent years I've rarely worn make up, but felt guilty about it--like I was failing at some obligatory part of being a woman. And since figuring out my sexual orientation, and in general being more open to and accepting of who I am at my core, I still rarely wear makeup but I'm now completely and totally unapologetic about it and it feels really good. I'm sure I will wear makeup again, but only if I really want to. I'm also noticing myself not wearing my more feminine looking clothing and strongly being drawn towards my clothing that is more androgynous. To pull towards androgynous clothing isn't new at all, but I'm doing a much better job of allowing it and respecting it. Overall it's making me feel like I can breathe better. And I feel more real and present than I ever have. ---------- Post added 25th Aug 2015 at 08:52 PM ---------- Oh, & I got my long hair chopped off. Totally chopped off! It feels glorious. I actually spent a lot of time worrying that people would think I got my hair cut very short to sort of prove my sexual orientation or something weird like that. But honestly I do and always have felt much more at home in very short hair. So I'm doing my best to live my life in a way that honors my true preferences, even when it seems awkward and even when I worry that people will think I'm changing my style to conform, or play a role.
I am not out to most, but even before I started questioning, I was drawn to dressing more boyish. I like dressing up in dresses as well, and summer is great for the casual vintage dress, but there is a part of me that feels very connected to the masculine aspects my sexuality when I wear ripped jeans and a tank top or tshirt. Am also fantasizing about "coming out" hair cuts and/or tattoos lol: that's such a girl thing to say.)
The weird thing is, I had kind of the opposite: when I was in denial I rarely dressed up "pretty" for men. I got less and less interested in doing so as the years went by and then, after coming out, I started really enjoying making an effort to wear more traditionally feminine things like skirts and dresses that I wouldn't normally have worn
Oh, yes! I played with gender presentation a LOT after coming out. I realized I was trying to be this outdoorsy girly hipster MPDG, lot of short skirts and leggings and stuff, and it didn't feel like me (except the outdoorsy part) but I didn't know what DID, yanno? Anyways I went more and more boyish and now I'm dressing androgynous/masculine most days, though I still crave the girliness sometimes, especially when I'm giving a presentation and I just want people to focus on what I'm saying. I very consciously use femininity in those situations. I guess the reason I shifted to masculinity is because I no longer had to dress for the male gaze (not that I "had" to before, but I was worried that if I didn't meet a guy soon I'd start going for women HAHA). I think there's something fun in being girly for myself, but it often feels like a sexualizing performance to me, while dressing masculine feels more authentic if that makes sense... I don't mean to imply that dressing feminine is always a sexualizing performance, that's messed up; it just makes me feel like I'm wearing a costume that shows off my body in a different way. Even though I stopped wearing makeup every day, and I agree with all your feminist reasoning, and I'm angry that makeup is only a feminine thing... sometimes I just really love a good dark eyeliner and lipstick...
I've gone back and forth with my gender presentation. I was fairly "girly" up until about 16, when I started gravitating more towards androgyny. I was kind of andro up until I met my (now ex) husband, who subtly pressured me to wear more stereotypically feminine clothes. Now that we've separated, I've reverted to being andro again. I'm getting a little bored with andro fashion though, and am shifting back towards being a little bit more femme. The one constant is that I've always loved makeup - my style is basically menswear but with a more "girly" face. I dunno why, I just feel most comfortable that way. It's good to experiment with gender presentation and find what works best for you. I've reached a point now where I just wear what I want, and don't care whether it fits into the social norms. I'll shop in the menswear section if I want, be bordering on butch for months, then randomly decide I'm over it and put on a dress and heels and sparkly nail polish. It just depends on my mood at the time.
I thought skinny jeans looked ridiculous on guys when they first started becoming a popular thing. Then one day I decided to try some on. And I liked it. I liked the way they looked on my legs. I used to wear bootcut and thought that was the best/proper way to wear jeans, but a couple of years ago i threw out all my bootcuts and now I only wear skinny jeans. They make me feel more confident because I'm showing more of my figure (I'm not heavily built or muscular, i'm quite skinny) but I used to wear clothes that really draped over me, and I would wear big clunky boots, thinking they made me look bigger and more manly. Now I wear small shoes and tight skinny jeans and I don't feel encumbered or weighted down.
Just wanted to say thank you for the responses. I've been in here a few times over the past several days and just haven't been up to writing. My ex gf is back in town and she's triggering the PTSD. Interestingly though, it has affected the way I was feeling about style of dress. I was exploring more androgynous styles but a bit more on the fem side. Yesterday I was all fem and feeling the childhood feelings of small and invisible. I want to be clear that I don't think people who dress fem are weak, that's not the case. Its just how I'm feeling right now. I wish she hadn't contacted me. I'm trying to look at it as an opportunity to grow but gah. I feel awful.
Hi, AW. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with the exgf. I've recently started talking with mine again and the jury's out on how I really feel about it. I tell myself it's just us trying to be friends, but I worry that I'll start to feel more again and I can't go that route. It's taken me too long to heal. Anyway, I also wanted to respond to your original post on hair/makeup/dress changes. It made me smile and laugh out loud, because over the summer I took the plunge and got my already short hair cut even shorter. I've always dressed androgynous/more masculine and at 47 find myself doing it even more because I've reached the point where I just really want to be me. I find the authenticity liberating. (I haven't done dresses for about 20 years now, but I do wear minimal makeup). Hang in there and don't let the ex mess with your head. Be you and enjoy it.
