Some thoughts and observations thread... Last night, I was looking through an on-line archive of student newspapers from what I'll call Undisclosed University, where I was a student when I was 18/19. I had a specific motive--verifying some info. But I accidentally "took the wrong turn" and selected the wrong year. Or was it the wrong year? Well, there can be no denying it was the wrong year for what I was looking for. However, like the wrong turn in the road that leads one someplace interesting where one might not have ever gone, I found myself faced with an interesting feature that talked about being gay at Undisclosed University. Or perhaps I should say homosexual--that word was heavily used. It was probably chosen for perhaps journalistic reasons; however, it was jarring seeing homosexual so much. These days, I seldom hear homosexual used, except by people making derogotory comments about the "homosexual lifestyle" which is really pissing off the fundamentalists' God. Much of the feature was pretty much the stunningly obvious. A student survey showing that students think society doesn't treat gay people well. Suggestion at homophobic issues at Undisclosed University. The comments about fear of HIV/AIDS (certainly a big deal at that time). There was one piece that profiled one gay male student. It was interesting. (Although perhaps the profile was too good. They changed his name, of course, but there were enough details that I half-wonder if there weren't people who didn't suspect they knew who Mergutroyd really was.) His story sounded quite familiar--a story we've heard here countless times. Gay guy. Some high school experimentation. Parents Catholic and unlikely to accept he's gay. Siblings who almost certainly would take exception. Difficulty making friends with other guys. And the really familiar Later in Life touch: thoughts of getting married to a woman one day. Although he thought he'd tell her the truth about himself. I've been thinking of all this that I read. Particularly the profile of the one student. I keep wondering unanswerable questions. What happened to that student? Did he get the strength to perhaps come out then? Maybe even get a relationship? Or did he keep it a secret? Perhaps get married? And if so, how did that work? Also I wonder...did my path ever cross this guy's? Did I see this particular paper back then? I wasn't a student, but the college was local, and I was there quite a bit one reason and another as a teenager. So it's not impossible that I might have been there, grabbed that paper, and seen the feature. If so, how did I react? Unanswerable questions, of course, but I do wonder... Questions aside, it was interesting seeing something from that era. It reminded me of how things used to be, which drove so many of us--including me--deep into the closet.
